Urban people prefer traditional weddings

Urban people prefer traditional weddings

JAKARTA (JP): Although Indonesian families are becoming more
democratic -- with parents allowing their children the freedom to
make their own decisions and choose their own paths -- most
parents still have the last say when it comes to a wedding.

Many try to preserve centuries-old traditions, even though
they lead a very modern life. This is because they believe the
rituals enrich their lives. Many young people happily follow
their parents' wish, although quite a lot of them don't
understand the meaning of the rituals and often don't bother to
find out. The following article records people's experiences in
holding complicated yet hallowed wedding ceremonies and why they
decided on them.

Sri Hadhy, a known painter who threw a lavish wedding party
for his only daughter:

For me a wedding ceremony is very important. As a Javanese, I
really believe that birth, marriage and death are determined by
God. Any wedding ceremony can only take place with God's
permission, therefore we have to do our best to prepare for that
sacred and momentous event.

When my only daughter, Yosephine Leoni Tunggaldewi, told us
that she would soon tie the knot with her boyfriend, Alexander
Farid Rama Monteri, I felt very happy and excited. I told them
that God has united them in a long-lasting relationship and they
should maintain it for the rest of their lives.

My family spent about one-and-a-half-years preparing for the
wedding ceremony. My wife and I decided to have a traditional
Javanese ceremony following the Surakarta-style.

I think it significant to have a traditional ceremony which is
full of good deeds. Each part in the ceremony symbolizes the
journey of a human life. It is our duty to keep this tradition
alive.

My daughter and her future husband were eager to learn about
the ceremony as they knew very little about it. The future bride
and groom, both graduates of the School of Engineering at
Trisakti University, are typical modern Jakartans who spent most
of their childhood abroad.

It was lucky that my son-in-law's family, who come from North
Sulawesi, did not object to the Javanese ceremony.

But the most difficult thing in the wedding preparation was to
select the guests. We have a lot of relatives and friends, we
were afraid that they would get angry if we did not invite them.

The wedding ceremony was held at the Manggala Wanabhakti
building early last month and was attended by 4,000 guests.

I invited so many people because the ceremony was my hajat,
pure intention, as a token of affectionate for my only daughter.

Actually, a wedding ceremony is a ritual event, but many
people use it to show off their possessions.

I cannot accept the idea that people throw exaggerated
wedding parties even though they have to borrow money to hold the
parties.

A wedding ceremony should be celebrated in a solemn and sacred
atmosphere because it is part of the life cycle.

Dilla Sri Amini, a university graduate, just married last
week:

My father is of Minangkabau (West Sumatra) origin and my
mother is a Sundanese. Therefore we combined both traditions for
my wedding. The akad nikah (marriage ritual) led by a Moslem imam
was performed in Sundanese and the reception followed Minang
tradition.

But, since my father is not familiar with the tradition, we
asked Elly Kasim, an expert of the Minang wedding ceremony and
the owner of a wedding service company, to arrange the party.

We used Elly's services because she is known to use only good
quality products and is very professional. Besides, she also
offers a modified Minang ceremony, which means she can arrange
modern Minang ceremonies. It may not be too original, but it is
appropriate for conditions today.

Elly was in charge of the party, including the dances, the
decorations for the hall, the dais where we sat, our wedding garb
and our parents' songket (traditional woven sarong).

The Rp 6.5 million (US$2,876) package included a traditional
Minang musical group who performed traditional songs. Elly also
provided boxes decorated and shaped like a traditional rumah
gadang (Minangkabau house).

Other items in the package were make-up and a hairdo for me,
my mother and my mother-in-law. But, since I didn't like Elly's
make-up, she offered me the service of Martha Tilaar's beauty
salon as she has an agreement with Sari Ayu, Martha's beauty
chain.

We also rented traditional Minang garb for the 12 pagar ayu
and pagar bagus (welcoming committee) couples and six
receptionists. The price was Rp 35,000 per person, including
make-up, accessories and sandals.

We don't think Elly's services were expensive because
everything went smoothly and was satisfying.

Food was ordered from a catering service in Pasar Minggu,
South Jakarta for Rp 10 million. Apart from the buffet for 600
people, we also had 10 food stands that could serve 200 people
each.

Other expenses included the invitations and keepsakes for the
guests.

We didn't consult the stars before organizing the wedding. We
chose Sept. 10 because it was the only date when the hall was not
booked.

Noverita Kirana, 28, journalist at Nova tabloid: We got
married on Wednesday, Aug. 9, 1995, in Bandung. Both of us are
Javanese so the wedding ceremony was conducted in accordance with
Javanese tradition. According to tradition, a bride should not
leave the house for 40 days before the wedding. My parents still
believe in the tradition, but how could I leave my job for that
long? So, I agreed to stay at home from Monday to Tuesday. I was
not allowed to see my fiance until the wedding.

On Tuesday morning, there was a siraman (bathing) ceremony. I
was bathed with flowered water as a symbol of purification. And
then it was my fiance's turn to be bathed. We did not see each
other because I was ordered to my room right after my bath.

In the evening we had what is called midodareni which, in a
way, is similar to a bridal shower. During midodareni, I received
my closest friends and relatives for the last time in my life as
a single woman. Unlike a bridal shower, a midodareni is a solemn
ritual. My future husband was also there, but again, we could not
see one another.

Wednesday was our D-day. In the morning, we had the religious
wedding ceremony at a mosque. I left from my house and he left
from his. We met at the mosque. My husband gave me a Koran and a
praying costume as the dowry. And then, after we changed into
wedding attire, we left together for the building where the
wedding reception took place.

Before entering the reception hall, we had a series of
ceremonies. First, we threw betel leaves at each other. Mine did
not hit him, but his hit me. I don't know what it means.
(According to Javanese belief, the one who hits the other first
will dominate the marriage). And then there was the egg-breaking
ceremony. My husband broke an egg with his bare foot and I washed
his foot as a symbol of fidelity.

The ceremony continued inside the building. My father put me
on his left knee and my husband was on his right knee. And then
my mother asked him "Who weighs more?"

My father answered "They weigh the same." This means that my
father would treat my husband and me equally. Next was lunch. My
husband and I fed each other a bit of the tumpeng (rice cone).
Later, my husband presented a handful of paddy and coins, to
symbolize his role as the breadwinner.

When we got engaged, my fiance put a ring on my left hand and
I put a ring on his left hand. At our wedding we moved the rings
to our right hands. I don't know why, but that is the tradition.

At the end of the ceremony, both my husband and I paid our
respects to our parents and parents-in-law by sungkem
(kowtowing).

When the wedding reception and the ceremony was over, I was
exhausted, but relieved. I thought I would not be able to go
through it all because on Tuesday night I had a terrible
headache. The clips of my hairdo gripped my head too tight. Thank
God I felt better in the morning.

It was my parents' idea to hold a traditional wedding
ceremony. I didn't want it. I think a religious ceremony at the
mosque and a small thanksgiving party at home would have been
enough. But my parents said they would feel uneasy with our
relatives if they didn't hold a lavish wedding reception for me.
There were between 200 and 300 guests at my wedding.

Anyway, it was a once-in-a-lifetime occasion.

Our invitations asked guests not to give us presents or flower
arrangements, just practical things. Money is much better. We can
spend the money on things we really need or give it to our
parents.

When my brother got married, all the guests gave them
presents. What can he do with all those things? He didn't need
all of them. So he gives his presents to couples as wedding
presents. It isn't appropriate but he thought it was the best
thing he could do with the presents.

Hendra Pratiyakso, head of a logistics department of a private
company in South Jakarta: I got married on Aug. 24, 1995, in the
auditorium of Manggala Wanabhakti in Central Jakarta. On Aug. 18,
my parents held a thanksgiving party at home. It was a Koran
recital in two sessions: For female guests in the morning and for
the male in the afternoon. After the recital, we distributed some
money, food and prayer mats to about 20 orphans.

On the following day I had the siraman (shower) ceremony at
home. My fiancee, Mila, had a similar ceremony in her parents'
house.

We had the akad nikah at a mosque on Aug. 20 before some 150
guests. I am a Javanese but my wife is a Sundanese. Accordingly,
after the ritual, we performed a Sundanese traditional ceremony,
including the breaking of an egg, the throwing of coins and the
release of doves. I don't really know what it all meant, I just
did what they told me to do. But I think my mother and my mother-
in-law released the doves as a symbol of our parents releasing
us. After the ceremony, Mila and I went to my parents' house in
Pondok Indah where we spent the night.

According to the pingitan tradition, we must stay in the house
until the wedding reception. But we could not follow this because
there were a lot of things to do. The following morning we went
to our new house in Bintaro. We still had to handle the house
documents and buy some household items. We shopped for a lovely
bed.

In the morning of Aug. 24, we went to my parents' house. Our
wedding reception began at 7 p.m., but I started to get ready at
4 p.m. They put make-up on my face and helped me put on a nice
Yogyakarta-style wedding costume.

We entered the auditorium of the Manggala Wanabhakti building
at about 7:30 p.m. Yes, it was a great fiesta. About 1,300 people
who came to our wedding. The party was over at 10 p.m.

Things went well. Before I was married, thinking about the
wedding made me a little bit nervous. But when I did it, I felt
fine. I am happy that at last I got married after dating her for
10 years. (sim/pet/als)