Urban people prefer traditional weddings<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): Although Indonesian families are becoming more
\ndemocratic -- with parents allowing their children the freedom to
\nmake their own decisions and choose their own paths -- most
\nparents still have the last say when it comes to a wedding.<\/p>\n
Many try to preserve centuries-old traditions, even though
\nthey lead a very modern life. This is because they believe the
\nrituals enrich their lives. Many young people happily follow
\ntheir parents' wish, although quite a lot of them don't
\nunderstand the meaning of the rituals and often don't bother to
\nfind out. The following article records people's experiences in
\nholding complicated yet hallowed wedding ceremonies and why they
\ndecided on them.<\/p>\n
Sri Hadhy, a known painter who threw a lavish wedding party
\nfor his only daughter:<\/p>\n
For me a wedding ceremony is very important. As a Javanese, I
\nreally believe that birth, marriage and death are determined by
\nGod. Any wedding ceremony can only take place with God's
\npermission, therefore we have to do our best to prepare for that
\nsacred and momentous event.<\/p>\n
When my only daughter, Yosephine Leoni Tunggaldewi, told us
\nthat she would soon tie the knot with her boyfriend, Alexander
\nFarid Rama Monteri, I felt very happy and excited. I told them
\nthat God has united them in a long-lasting relationship and they
\nshould maintain it for the rest of their lives.<\/p>\n
My family spent about one-and-a-half-years preparing for the
\nwedding ceremony. My wife and I decided to have a traditional
\nJavanese ceremony following the Surakarta-style.<\/p>\n
I think it significant to have a traditional ceremony which is
\nfull of good deeds. Each part in the ceremony symbolizes the
\njourney of a human life. It is our duty to keep this tradition
\nalive.<\/p>\n
My daughter and her future husband were eager to learn about
\nthe ceremony as they knew very little about it. The future bride
\nand groom, both graduates of the School of Engineering at
\nTrisakti University, are typical modern Jakartans who spent most
\nof their childhood abroad.<\/p>\n
It was lucky that my son-in-law's family, who come from North
\nSulawesi, did not object to the Javanese ceremony.<\/p>\n
But the most difficult thing in the wedding preparation was to
\nselect the guests. We have a lot of relatives and friends, we
\nwere afraid that they would get angry if we did not invite them.<\/p>\n
The wedding ceremony was held at the Manggala Wanabhakti
\nbuilding early last month and was attended by 4,000 guests.<\/p>\n
I invited so many people because the ceremony was my hajat,
\npure intention, as a token of affectionate for my only daughter.<\/p>\n
Actually, a wedding ceremony is a ritual event, but many
\npeople use it to show off their possessions.<\/p>\n
I cannot accept the idea that people throw exaggerated
\nwedding parties even though they have to borrow money to hold the
\nparties.<\/p>\n
A wedding ceremony should be celebrated in a solemn and sacred
\natmosphere because it is part of the life cycle.<\/p>\n
Dilla Sri Amini, a university graduate, just married last
\nweek:<\/p>\n
My father is of Minangkabau (West Sumatra) origin and my
\nmother is a Sundanese. Therefore we combined both traditions for
\nmy wedding. The akad nikah (marriage ritual) led by a Moslem imam
\nwas performed in Sundanese and the reception followed Minang
\ntradition.<\/p>\n
But, since my father is not familiar with the tradition, we
\nasked Elly Kasim, an expert of the Minang wedding ceremony and
\nthe owner of a wedding service company, to arrange the party.<\/p>\n
We used Elly's services because she is known to use only good
\nquality products and is very professional. Besides, she also
\noffers a modified Minang ceremony, which means she can arrange
\nmodern Minang ceremonies. It may not be too original, but it is
\nappropriate for conditions today.<\/p>\n
Elly was in charge of the party, including the dances, the
\ndecorations for the hall, the dais where we sat, our wedding garb
\nand our parents' songket (traditional woven sarong).<\/p>\n
The Rp 6.5 million (US$2,876) package included a traditional
\nMinang musical group who performed traditional songs. Elly also
\nprovided boxes decorated and shaped like a traditional rumah
\ngadang (Minangkabau house).<\/p>\n
Other items in the package were make-up and a hairdo for me,
\nmy mother and my mother-in-law. But, since I didn't like Elly's
\nmake-up, she offered me the service of Martha Tilaar's beauty
\nsalon as she has an agreement with Sari Ayu, Martha's beauty
\nchain.<\/p>\n
We also rented traditional Minang garb for the 12 pagar ayu
\nand pagar bagus (welcoming committee) couples and six
\nreceptionists. The price was Rp 35,000 per person, including
\nmake-up, accessories and sandals.<\/p>\n
We don't think Elly's services were expensive because
\neverything went smoothly and was satisfying.<\/p>\n
Food was ordered from a catering service in Pasar Minggu,
\nSouth Jakarta for Rp 10 million. Apart from the buffet for 600
\npeople, we also had 10 food stands that could serve 200 people
\neach.<\/p>\n
Other expenses included the invitations and keepsakes for the
\nguests.<\/p>\n
We didn't consult the stars before organizing the wedding. We
\nchose Sept. 10 because it was the only date when the hall was not
\nbooked.<\/p>\n
Noverita Kirana, 28, journalist at Nova tabloid: We got
\nmarried on Wednesday, Aug. 9, 1995, in Bandung. Both of us are
\nJavanese so the wedding ceremony was conducted in accordance with
\nJavanese tradition. According to tradition, a bride should not
\nleave the house for 40 days before the wedding. My parents still
\nbelieve in the tradition, but how could I leave my job for that
\nlong? So, I agreed to stay at home from Monday to Tuesday. I was
\nnot allowed to see my fiance until the wedding.<\/p>\n
On Tuesday morning, there was a siraman (bathing) ceremony. I
\nwas bathed with flowered water as a symbol of purification. And
\nthen it was my fiance's turn to be bathed. We did not see each
\nother because I was ordered to my room right after my bath.<\/p>\n
In the evening we had what is called midodareni which, in a
\nway, is similar to a bridal shower. During midodareni, I received
\nmy closest friends and relatives for the last time in my life as
\na single woman. Unlike a bridal shower, a midodareni is a solemn
\nritual. My future husband was also there, but again, we could not
\nsee one another.<\/p>\n
Wednesday was our D-day. In the morning, we had the religious
\nwedding ceremony at a mosque. I left from my house and he left
\nfrom his. We met at the mosque. My husband gave me a Koran and a
\npraying costume as the dowry. And then, after we changed into
\nwedding attire, we left together for the building where the
\nwedding reception took place.<\/p>\n
Before entering the reception hall, we had a series of
\nceremonies. First, we threw betel leaves at each other. Mine did
\nnot hit him, but his hit me. I don't know what it means.
\n(According to Javanese belief, the one who hits the other first
\nwill dominate the marriage). And then there was the egg-breaking
\nceremony. My husband broke an egg with his bare foot and I washed
\nhis foot as a symbol of fidelity.<\/p>\n
The ceremony continued inside the building. My father put me
\non his left knee and my husband was on his right knee. And then
\nmy mother asked him \"Who weighs more?\"<\/p>\n
My father answered \"They weigh the same.\" This means that my
\nfather would treat my husband and me equally. Next was lunch. My
\nhusband and I fed each other a bit of the tumpeng (rice cone).
\nLater, my husband presented a handful of paddy and coins, to
\nsymbolize his role as the breadwinner.<\/p>\n
When we got engaged, my fiance put a ring on my left hand and
\nI put a ring on his left hand. At our wedding we moved the rings
\nto our right hands. I don't know why, but that is the tradition.<\/p>\n
At the end of the ceremony, both my husband and I paid our
\nrespects to our parents and parents-in-law by sungkem
\n(kowtowing).<\/p>\n
When the wedding reception and the ceremony was over, I was
\nexhausted, but relieved. I thought I would not be able to go
\nthrough it all because on Tuesday night I had a terrible
\nheadache. The clips of my hairdo gripped my head too tight. Thank
\nGod I felt better in the morning.<\/p>\n
It was my parents' idea to hold a traditional wedding
\nceremony. I didn't want it. I think a religious ceremony at the
\nmosque and a small thanksgiving party at home would have been
\nenough. But my parents said they would feel uneasy with our
\nrelatives if they didn't hold a lavish wedding reception for me.
\nThere were between 200 and 300 guests at my wedding.<\/p>\n
Anyway, it was a once-in-a-lifetime occasion.<\/p>\n
Our invitations asked guests not to give us presents or flower
\narrangements, just practical things. Money is much better. We can
\nspend the money on things we really need or give it to our
\nparents.<\/p>\n
When my brother got married, all the guests gave them
\npresents. What can he do with all those things? He didn't need
\nall of them. So he gives his presents to couples as wedding
\npresents. It isn't appropriate but he thought it was the best
\nthing he could do with the presents.<\/p>\n
Hendra Pratiyakso, head of a logistics department of a private
\ncompany in South Jakarta: I got married on Aug. 24, 1995, in the
\nauditorium of Manggala Wanabhakti in Central Jakarta. On Aug. 18,
\nmy parents held a thanksgiving party at home. It was a Koran
\nrecital in two sessions: For female guests in the morning and for
\nthe male in the afternoon. After the recital, we distributed some
\nmoney, food and prayer mats to about 20 orphans.<\/p>\n
On the following day I had the siraman (shower) ceremony at
\nhome. My fiancee, Mila, had a similar ceremony in her parents'
\nhouse.<\/p>\n
We had the akad nikah at a mosque on Aug. 20 before some 150
\nguests. I am a Javanese but my wife is a Sundanese. Accordingly,
\nafter the ritual, we performed a Sundanese traditional ceremony,
\nincluding the breaking of an egg, the throwing of coins and the
\nrelease of doves. I don't really know what it all meant, I just
\ndid what they told me to do. But I think my mother and my mother-
\nin-law released the doves as a symbol of our parents releasing
\nus. After the ceremony, Mila and I went to my parents' house in
\nPondok Indah where we spent the night.<\/p>\n
According to the pingitan tradition, we must stay in the house
\nuntil the wedding reception. But we could not follow this because
\nthere were a lot of things to do. The following morning we went
\nto our new house in Bintaro. We still had to handle the house
\ndocuments and buy some household items. We shopped for a lovely
\nbed.<\/p>\n
In the morning of Aug. 24, we went to my parents' house. Our
\nwedding reception began at 7 p.m., but I started to get ready at
\n4 p.m. They put make-up on my face and helped me put on a nice
\nYogyakarta-style wedding costume.<\/p>\n
We entered the auditorium of the Manggala Wanabhakti building
\nat about 7:30 p.m. Yes, it was a great fiesta. About 1,300 people
\nwho came to our wedding. The party was over at 10 p.m.<\/p>\n
Things went well. Before I was married, thinking about the
\nwedding made me a little bit nervous. But when I did it, I felt
\nfine. I am happy that at last I got married after dating her for
\n10 years. (sim\/pet\/als)<\/p>",
"url": "https:\/\/jawawa.id\/newsitem\/urban-people-prefer-traditional-weddings-1447893297",
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