Strategies for Managing Comments and Privacy Questions During Lebaran
Gathering with extended family during religious holidays often presents distinct emotional challenges, particularly when faced with a series of intrusive small-talk questions that corner individuals uncomfortably.
Rather than responding with anger or simply avoiding family gatherings, Clinical Psychologist Wenny Aidina has revealed a more “elegant” approach to maintaining inner peace.
One of the most recommended steps is to carefully consider response strategies well before the occasion arrives. Preparing scenarios and anticipated responses in advance can help prevent impulsive reactions that trigger prolonged conflicts during moments of family reunion.
“It’s like preparing for an examination. If we don’t study or practise questions, we’ll be more shocked when facing the actual exam,” Wenny explained during a KALM Counselling webinar titled “Swallowing Patience Until Full: Tips to Avoid Exploding During Lebaran,” on Saturday, 14 March 2026.
“Once you’ve considered various possibilities — ‘Oh, it’s likely that like last year, A, B, C, or D will happen’ — then we need to prepare several things so that when we gather with family, there’s no drama,” she continued.
Never expect others to change their communication style, as full control lies only with oneself. Disappointment often stems from misplaced expectations.
“We cannot control those people. We can only control ourselves. So don’t place your expectations on other people. It’s not about changing them, but changing our expectations of them,” said Wenny.
As a form of healthy self-defence, prepare safe responses such as requesting prayers for smooth sailing when asked sensitive questions. When dealing with relaxed relatives, using humour can also serve as an alternative to break the tension.
However, if the situation feels too overwhelming and provokes anger, don’t hesitate to take a brief physical break by going to the bathroom or stepping into the kitchen.
“Some people are already capable enough (of managing emotions), they just need to glance away and turn back (to face their conversation partner), and then it’s fine,” explained Wenny.
Recognise the limits of your control by focusing energy solely on managing the 3Ps within yourself: thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. Regulating your conversation partner’s verbal responses, whether parents or siblings, is impossible.
“What we can do is manage the 3Ps. Beyond that, we cannot control. So don’t expect, ‘I wish they wouldn’t speak like that’. That’s what we want. The problem is, we cannot regulate their mouth,” said Wenny.
By focusing energy on how your mind processes information, how your feelings respond to it, and how your behaviour is subsequently displayed, you become less reactive to external disturbances.