Simple solutions to seminar slambers
Simple solutions to seminar slambers
JAKARTA (JP): Meeting at a karaoke bar one afternoon, my
friends and I broke into laughter. We were supposed to be at a
seminar in a nearby hotel, listening to somebody drone on from a
prepared text.
With the exception of Marie Elka Pangestu, Dewi Fortuna Anwar,
Emha Ainun Najib and a few others, seminar speakers usually read
straight from their papers, only adding "ladies and gentlemen"
now and then. Some manage to incorporate "so" and "well".
Boring. It's better to grab the papers and read them at home.
That is, if nothing is on television.
Sitting through in a seminar, meeting or symposium, I always
find it hard to keep my eyes open, especially when the speakers
have what my friends call bedroom voices.
There is a limit to how much coffee you can drink. In many
cases, I have to go to the toilet frequently. If the seminar is
held in a hotel conference room or close to a shopping mall, I
take a walk or window shop to shake off sleepiness. The trouble
with window shopping is I sometimes forget to get back to the
seminar and end up buying things I don't need.
My unofficial research shows that most people sit through
seminars because they don't have anything better to do. They are
usually paid to do so by their employers or by the institutions
where they work. Rarely do they attend a seminar for their own
benefit.
Seminars can be useful and exciting when the speakers have
oratory skills. But, alas, the big names are usually used just to
rake in the fees. Their names are splashed across advertisements,
banners and invitations to encourage the naive to register. When
the seminar comes around, however, they are hardly ever there,
sending a substitute along with some excuse.
Some favorite speakers do manage to keep their promise, but
usually they arrive late, speak for five minutes and leave --
there goes your million-rupiah fee.
Maybe you are one of the few who fork out heaps of money to
attend seminars thinking they are good for you. The registration
fee doesn't guarantee that you will stay attentive from beginning
to end. Boredom is very human and understandable during a
seminar.
Instead of slouching with half-closed eyes and embarrass the
speaker, there are many things you can do. One of my friends, an
unsuccessful painter, keeps his eyes open by indulging his wild
imagination with unflattering drawings of the speaker and
circulating his creations among friends. A lady friend writes
letters when she gets sleepy. This way, she maintains a serious
expression throughout the diatribe.
Staying awake also keeps you safe from commercial
photographers. Seminars are their business. They are always there
to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the minister, expert
or famous artist. They then sell you the picture for a ludicrous
price. You have to buy the pictures, otherwise the other
Indonesian participants will think you're broke.
Some Indonesians kill for the opportunity to be photographed
beside the speakers. They then immortalize themselves in an
expensive frame and hang it on their brag wall at the office or
at home.
Staying awake enables you to turn your back on photographers
so you won't have to fork out money for pictures you don't want.
One last tip: Bring along a chicken feather to tickle your ear
in case you get sleepy.
-- Carl Chairul