Responding to Sensitive Questions During Lebaran: Should You Answer or Ignore?
Family reunion moments during Lebaran are frequently marked by a series of questions from extended relatives that often encroach on personal privacy. Questions about when one will marry, have children, or achieve career milestones can provoke annoyance, as they seem to demand fulfilment of these expectations.
This situation requires individuals to develop the ability to set firm personal boundaries in order to maintain inner peace.
Many find themselves confused about how to respond politely without triggering family conflict during these festive occasions. Some are uncertain about when it is appropriate to remain silent in order to preserve harmony within the extended family during the celebration.
“Answering politely or impolitely actually depends on who you are responding to. Each person in our family has their own characteristics,” said Wenny Aidina, M.Psi., a psychologist, during a KALM Counseling webinar on Saturday, 14 March 2026.
An answer that one believes has been delivered with a very polite tone to an aunt may not be received with the same nuance by another aunt. The tone of voice, choice of words, and manner of responding to questions that intrude on personal boundaries must be adapted to the character of the person being addressed.
According to Wenny, the safest anticipatory step is to use neutral or standardised responses.
“The most neutral approach is to respond standardly by saying, ‘Please pray for me,’ ‘I hope it happens,’ or ‘I ask for your prayers,’” said Wenny.
Rather than struggling excessively to craft the perfect response to sensitive questions, what is far more crucial is understanding one’s own reactions. Wenny encourages each individual to reflect inwardly on why a specific question triggers such a strong and painful emotional response.
“It means there is something within us that has been ‘touched’. So actually, the real work is to be able to produce a good response when we understand what triggers us. It is not about focusing on what the question is, but rather on what makes us feel that the question is something threatening to us,” Wenny explained.