Rain in the rearview mirror

Rain in the rearview mirror

By Yundi Aditya

They met through their families, through family connections,
you might say. But later, she began to realize that it was more
like family conspiracies. Their families had long been known to
each other, but when she first met him she had no knowledge of
this.

It was at a wedding that they met, ironically enough. It was a
grand affair of a wedding. The family, from West Sumatra, laid on
a very big event for the ceremony and reception for their only
child. The decorations were lavish, and the food was
overwhelming.

She had gone with her two sisters and mother up to the stage
to offer her greetings and congratulations to the bride and groom
and their parents. Somehow, her father had become separated from
them, and as they stood in line to meet and greet the family,
they heard him father call out to them.

He was with "friends of the family", and that was when she saw
him. Her father stood next to him and all the time he -- little
did she know, her future husband -- stood staring at her. It was
embarrassing but, she had to admit to herself, it was also
exciting. He was looking at her intensely. Her sisters noticed it
instantly and began to giggle.

Once they had all descended from the stage, introductions were
made.

He was polite, but also quite bold. She was demure, but
nonetheless interested. He was, after all, really quite handsome
-- at least then. She remembered the scent he wore, the fine suit
he had on, even the golden silk tie that seemed to dazzle her
each time she looked at him. He looked affluent and calm and very
confident.

The impression she took away from that first meeting was that
he was someone who had plenty of money and enjoyed spending it --
mostly on himself, as she was to find out later.

In the days and weeks that followed, he paid regular visits to
her house. Her father always maintained that these visits were
for business, but her sisters joked that the visits were because
he wanted to meet her.

She came to realize that both her father and her sisters, in a
sad way, were right about those early visits. For her father, it
was good or useful for his business prospects, and her sisters
were right that he was coming to see -- or perhaps view -- her.
Because her father needed an investor, it helped sweeten the deal
that the potential investor had an interest in her.

Gradually, surprisingly, a courtship began. His wealth
guaranteed that she had everything she could possibly want.

Perhaps she could admit that this attracted her to him. Her
materialistic side got the better of her and she fully enjoyed
that in him, she had a suitor who was ready, willing and able to
buy her practically anything she desired. In retrospect, she saw
that this blinded her to the person he really was.

The courtship developed quickly -- too quickly really -- but
when he approached her father and said he wished to marry her,
her father was more than willing to see the nuptials go ahead,
perhaps even eager.

Deep down inside, she always suspected that her husband used
his financial advantage to practically bribe her father into
consent. She even believed a sum of money may have been agreed
upon.

Her wedding, too, was a lavish affair. Her husband's inherited
wealth made sure of that. But it was not long after the wedding
that she noticed changes in his character. While dating, he was
polite and responsive to her needs and wants, but as her husband,
he became the "boss".

If he wanted to take her along on one of his business meetings
to literally show her off, she was obliged to go. No matter how
much she protested, he forced her to go. She had become a trophy
wife that he would display in front of his business partners.

At first, when she protested, he would just get angry and
shout at her, but then he began to grab her and threaten her with
divorce and the collapse of her father's business -- if they
divorced, he would withdraw his investments with her father. He
told her his money was saving her father's business, so she "had
better behave".

This, she did. She tolerated the total loss of her life and
independence, but then she became pregnant. She held on to the
idea that a child would give her life new meaning, that it would
help to change his character too. How wrong she was.

The child was born in late May and she was a healthy and
beautiful baby, but that was the problem -- it was a girl. This,
he did not want.

He wanted a son, a male heir to his business, so their
beautiful baby girl was a disappointment. She saw it in his face
the day their daughter was born, and she saw it every day since.

But her daughter gave her new hope anyway. The baby gave her a
new direction, and even if her married life was not good, she was
determined that her daughter's life would be.

The baby gave her a new sense of independence, and she refused
any help in tending to her daughter. She wanted to be the girl's
mother, so she didn't allow nannies and babysitters in their life
together.

She was determined to be independent again. When her husband
was out, working long as always, she would do everything with and
for her daughter. She learned to drive so that she could take the
girl anywhere she wanted without depending on other people. She
became inseparable from her daughter.

One day, her husband came home after another long day at the
office. He was in a bad mood and slammed doors as he came in. The
noise woke the baby, who began to cry. She wanted to go to the
baby, but before she could, he stepped in front of her, pushed
her hard and said he would "deal with that nasty little girl".
She fell back, hitting her head, and could not get up for a
moment. Dazed, she struggled to regain her composure.

She heard her baby cry out even louder and then she saw him
walk past their bedroom again. She staggered to her feet. As she
did, she felt the back of her head and felt blood, but she ran to
her daughter -- and found her on the floor.

She didn't know what he had done, but the baby had obviously
been thrown down. The blankets must have saved her from any
injuries, but she was crying terribly.

This was the last straw. She had to leave. Her father would
have to deal with the consequences of losing an investor.

She remained calm and waited until the next morning. She had
packed only a few things so as not to raise suspicions -- she was
ready.

It was a very grey day, with rain falling hard, but she was
determined. The grey skies suggested sadness but she had no
sadness in her heart; only will.

She had no idea where she was going; she only knew that she
was -- escaping with her daughter. They would start again
somewhere else.

She drove toward a new horizon and as she drove, the clouds
cleared and the skies ahead were blue. Glancing in the rearview
mirror, she saw the rain fall behind as she sped forward.

-- Jakarta, May 7, 2005