Rain in the rearview mirror

Rain in the rearview mirror

By Yundi Aditya

They met through their families, through family connections, you might say. But later, she began to realize that it was more like family conspiracies. Their families had long been known to each other, but when she first met him she had no knowledge of this.

It was at a wedding that they met, ironically enough. It was a grand affair of a wedding. The family, from West Sumatra, laid on a very big event for the ceremony and reception for their only child. The decorations were lavish, and the food was overwhelming.

She had gone with her two sisters and mother up to the stage to offer her greetings and congratulations to the bride and groom and their parents. Somehow, her father had become separated from them, and as they stood in line to meet and greet the family, they heard him father call out to them.

He was with "friends of the family", and that was when she saw him. Her father stood next to him and all the time he -- little did she know, her future husband -- stood staring at her. It was embarrassing but, she had to admit to herself, it was also exciting. He was looking at her intensely. Her sisters noticed it instantly and began to giggle.

Once they had all descended from the stage, introductions were made.

He was polite, but also quite bold. She was demure, but nonetheless interested. He was, after all, really quite handsome -- at least then. She remembered the scent he wore, the fine suit he had on, even the golden silk tie that seemed to dazzle her each time she looked at him. He looked affluent and calm and very confident.

The impression she took away from that first meeting was that he was someone who had plenty of money and enjoyed spending it -- mostly on himself, as she was to find out later.

In the days and weeks that followed, he paid regular visits to her house. Her father always maintained that these visits were for business, but her sisters joked that the visits were because he wanted to meet her.

She came to realize that both her father and her sisters, in a sad way, were right about those early visits. For her father, it was good or useful for his business prospects, and her sisters were right that he was coming to see -- or perhaps view -- her. Because her father needed an investor, it helped sweeten the deal that the potential investor had an interest in her.

Gradually, surprisingly, a courtship began. His wealth guaranteed that she had everything she could possibly want.

Perhaps she could admit that this attracted her to him. Her materialistic side got the better of her and she fully enjoyed that in him, she had a suitor who was ready, willing and able to buy her practically anything she desired. In retrospect, she saw that this blinded her to the person he really was.

The courtship developed quickly -- too quickly really -- but when he approached her father and said he wished to marry her, her father was more than willing to see the nuptials go ahead, perhaps even eager.

Deep down inside, she always suspected that her husband used his financial advantage to practically bribe her father into consent. She even believed a sum of money may have been agreed upon.

Her wedding, too, was a lavish affair. Her husband's inherited wealth made sure of that. But it was not long after the wedding that she noticed changes in his character. While dating, he was polite and responsive to her needs and wants, but as her husband, he became the "boss".

If he wanted to take her along on one of his business meetings to literally show her off, she was obliged to go. No matter how much she protested, he forced her to go. She had become a trophy wife that he would display in front of his business partners.

At first, when she protested, he would just get angry and shout at her, but then he began to grab her and threaten her with divorce and the collapse of her father's business -- if they divorced, he would withdraw his investments with her father. He told her his money was saving her father's business, so she "had better behave".

This, she did. She tolerated the total loss of her life and independence, but then she became pregnant. She held on to the idea that a child would give her life new meaning, that it would help to change his character too. How wrong she was.

The child was born in late May and she was a healthy and beautiful baby, but that was the problem -- it was a girl. This, he did not want.

He wanted a son, a male heir to his business, so their beautiful baby girl was a disappointment. She saw it in his face the day their daughter was born, and she saw it every day since.

But her daughter gave her new hope anyway. The baby gave her a new direction, and even if her married life was not good, she was determined that her daughter's life would be.

The baby gave her a new sense of independence, and she refused any help in tending to her daughter. She wanted to be the girl's mother, so she didn't allow nannies and babysitters in their life together.

She was determined to be independent again. When her husband was out, working long as always, she would do everything with and for her daughter. She learned to drive so that she could take the girl anywhere she wanted without depending on other people. She became inseparable from her daughter.

One day, her husband came home after another long day at the office. He was in a bad mood and slammed doors as he came in. The noise woke the baby, who began to cry. She wanted to go to the baby, but before she could, he stepped in front of her, pushed her hard and said he would "deal with that nasty little girl". She fell back, hitting her head, and could not get up for a moment. Dazed, she struggled to regain her composure.

She heard her baby cry out even louder and then she saw him walk past their bedroom again. She staggered to her feet. As she did, she felt the back of her head and felt blood, but she ran to her daughter -- and found her on the floor.

She didn't know what he had done, but the baby had obviously been thrown down. The blankets must have saved her from any injuries, but she was crying terribly.

This was the last straw. She had to leave. Her father would have to deal with the consequences of losing an investor.

She remained calm and waited until the next morning. She had packed only a few things so as not to raise suspicions -- she was ready.

It was a very grey day, with rain falling hard, but she was determined. The grey skies suggested sadness but she had no sadness in her heart; only will.

She had no idea where she was going; she only knew that she was -- escaping with her daughter. They would start again somewhere else.

She drove toward a new horizon and as she drove, the clouds cleared and the skies ahead were blue. Glancing in the rearview mirror, she saw the rain fall behind as she sped forward.

-- Jakarta, May 7, 2005