Polygamy and polyandry

Polygamy and polyandry

It is generally known that polygamy does prevail in many parts of the world, including Indonesia. According to the Indonesian marriage law, a man is allowed to marry a second woman only upon consent of the first wife. A question arises: Which woman is able and willing to tolerate voluntarily to share her lovely husband with another woman? Most women, if not all, will undoubtedly not approve her husband's desire to marry other women.

The article written by T. Sima Gunawan in The Jakarta Post of April 29, 1995 issue draws my attention to comment of the subject. I remember a story told by a manager of a well- established bank some time ago. He claimed that he managed to marry four women. His wives live together and get along with each other under one roof. They live in peace and never quarrel.

I asked him curiously how he managed to share his love among his four wives. He said that he could manage the situation by sharing his love equally between his four wives. But I doubted and wondered if he was telling me the truth. In my opinion, all rules and regulations stipulated in the law are well-thought and carefully considered. However, many individuals, for their own sake, give their own interpretations and try to escape through certain clauses.

During an Economic Cooperation Conference in Kuala Lumpur some time ago, a prominent Malaysian businessman related a joke on polygamy in his speech. "Once upon a time, one of the mighty rulers of Malaysia, a rich and influential Sultan, wanted to marry a fifth wife. He asked the advice of several religious leaders, how he could escape form the regulations to marry the fifth woman. They all said that the Sultan should first divorce one of his four wives, which the Sultan rejected. Then an old wise man was consulted. The advice was "if you go abroad and stay there for six months or longer, you will be separated from your wives. This will give you the possibility to marry your fifth bride." The smart Sultan did not go abroad, but instead he went only to the island of Pinang (across the mainland of Malaysia). After six months, the Sultan married the fifth wife, believing that he had complied with the existing rules. We need not follow his example, said the speaker, closing his address.

Sima Gunawan closes her article with the question: What about polyandry? I remember another story told by a student of psychology. One day her class discussed the issue of polygamy and polyandry. A senior female student asked the lecturer: Why is polygamy in many countries allowed, while polyandry is not? The lecturer, seemingly prepared for such a question, calmly explained: Well, one of the many psychological reasons is that polygamy is easy to manage and to implement. While polyandry, on the other hand, will cause problems in the sense that every time the (only) wife gets pregnant and gives birth to a baby, which of the four husbands will be considered the father?

As far as polygamy and polyandry are concerned, one thing is almost sure. The average man is polygamous, while being polyandrous is not common among women. Ideally, one man has one wife, until death separates them. As Mark said: A man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will be one. So they are no longer two, but one. Man must not separate, then, what God has joined together.

A. HARYONO

Jakarta