Polygamy and polyandry

Polygamy and polyandry

It is generally known that polygamy does prevail in many parts
of the world, including Indonesia. According to the Indonesian
marriage law, a man is allowed to marry a second woman only upon
consent of the first wife. A question arises: Which woman is able
and willing to tolerate voluntarily to share her lovely husband
with another woman? Most women, if not all, will undoubtedly not
approve her husband's desire to marry other women.

The article written by T. Sima Gunawan in The Jakarta Post of
April 29, 1995 issue draws my attention to comment of the
subject. I remember a story told by a manager of a well-
established bank some time ago. He claimed that he managed to
marry four women. His wives live together and get along with each
other under one roof. They live in peace and never quarrel.

I asked him curiously how he managed to share his love among
his four wives. He said that he could manage the situation by
sharing his love equally between his four wives. But I doubted
and wondered if he was telling me the truth. In my opinion, all
rules and regulations stipulated in the law are well-thought and
carefully considered. However, many individuals, for their own
sake, give their own interpretations and try to escape through
certain clauses.

During an Economic Cooperation Conference in Kuala Lumpur
some time ago, a prominent Malaysian businessman related a joke
on polygamy in his speech. "Once upon a time, one of the mighty
rulers of Malaysia, a rich and influential Sultan, wanted to
marry a fifth wife. He asked the advice of several religious
leaders, how he could escape form the regulations to marry the
fifth woman. They all said that the Sultan should first divorce
one of his four wives, which the Sultan rejected. Then an old
wise man was consulted. The advice was "if you go abroad and stay
there for six months or longer, you will be separated from your
wives. This will give you the possibility to marry your fifth
bride." The smart Sultan did not go abroad, but instead he went
only to the island of Pinang (across the mainland of Malaysia).
After six months, the Sultan married the fifth wife, believing
that he had complied with the existing rules. We need not follow
his example, said the speaker, closing his address.

Sima Gunawan closes her article with the question: What about
polyandry? I remember another story told by a student of
psychology. One day her class discussed the issue of polygamy and
polyandry. A senior female student asked the lecturer: Why is
polygamy in many countries allowed, while polyandry is not? The
lecturer, seemingly prepared for such a question, calmly
explained: Well, one of the many psychological reasons is that
polygamy is easy to manage and to implement. While polyandry, on
the other hand, will cause problems in the sense that every time
the (only) wife gets pregnant and gives birth to a baby, which of
the four husbands will be considered the father?

As far as polygamy and polyandry are concerned, one thing is
almost sure. The average man is polygamous, while being
polyandrous is not common among women. Ideally, one man has one
wife, until death separates them. As Mark said: A man will leave
his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will
be one. So they are no longer two, but one. Man must not
separate, then, what God has joined together.

A. HARYONO

Jakarta