Mobile phones spells importance
Mobile phones spells importance
JAKARTA (JP): She sashays into the trendy restaurant in her
authentic Gianni Versace black jeans touting the signature gilded
lion on the rump pockets. Leaving a trail of Escada's heady scent
in her wake, she knows that everyone has noticed her.
She is too busy to bother soaking up the attention because her
world is revolving around the mobile phone attached to her baby-
bottom-pink left ear.
She walks around with a vacant smile on her face, continually
nods in an understanding manner and never utters a word into the
machine while plugging her free ear with a manicured finger so
nothing disturbs her important call.
Her maid, Fitri, has called to remind her to buy an extra
batch of Indomie. They're almost down to the last pack, moans the
maid. Bless Fitri for her timely calls, even if they are
reminders for laundry soap or potatoes.
Whew! Thank goodness none in her entourage of narcissistic,
androgynous young men and women knew it was only Fitri, again.
Ms All-Important was very up set when Christian Wilhelmi (may
he never own a cellular telephone and always remain ordinary, Mr.
Un-Important), and minder-of-other-people's-business Mrs.
Rosenberg, who started the mobile debate in this newspaper on
Feb. 10 with her "Lunch with a mobile telephone" letter, caught
on, noticed that something was amiss and blatantly exposed her in
the Letters column.
Never mind, we'll deal with the Christian Wilhelmis and
Rosenbergs and have them deported to Siberia or somewhere equally
exciting and phone-less.
Ms All-Important's imagination tells her that she's a fashion
mover. She feels like a million in her GV jeans (paid for with
the housekeeping budget), the heady scent (a gift from Honki
Tonk), her cockatoo hairdo (created by stylist-to-the-stylish,
Wim Soeitoe, who holds court at Rudy Hadisuwarno's salon in Plaza
Indonesia), and oops, I nearly forgot, the mobile phone.
The last accessory equals importance, because unimportant
people don't own a cellular phone; and purpose, because important
people need a cellular phone; and flash, because style equates
flash in Ms. All-Important's dictionary.
She is one of the thousands in Jakarta and across ASEAN
cities, who ardently believe that what they carry in their hands
(besides a Louis Vuitton or Moschino backpack) affects their
image, their purpose in life, their very inspiration. It's Ms
All-Important's joy-toy, her instant acceptance by the All-
Important-Set and her identity mascot. She might discard lovers,
or friends, but she would never abandon her cellular.
Ms All-Important will always be faithful to it, and carry it
with her to pubs, restaurants, banks, cinemas and other places
frequented by Christian Wilhelmi, the Rosenbergs and the
undersigned. She moaned into it deliriously when she was running
a temperature of 103F. She carries it with her on dates, to the
dentist, supermarket, hairdresser and to her fitness club. This
is her style.
So how dare some ordinary mortals sit in judgment of her and
label her Ms All-Important just because she owns a mobile phone
and they don't. See, a cellular is an attention-grabbing
instrument, even if, as in this instance, all it did was draw
chuckles from the readers of The Jakarta Post.
I suppose that, we, the "unarmed", will hopelessly attempt to
comprehend her unbelievable style, or non-style.
Although every major ASEAN city boasts these iridescent,
attention-craving creatures, I certainly hope that the Jakartan
version will be herded into "mobile phone areas" and completely
cordoned off in padded cells. There, they can forever listen
unruffled to timely calls from their maids Fitri, Kusmini and
Ira.
Let Ms All-Important have a breather while we look at her male
counterpart.
He wears the male version of Gianni Versace's jeans, smells
like a barbershop bathed in Calvin Klein's Obsession, sports a
chunky 22-carat gold identity bracelet and stuffs his mobile into
the his back pocket. He shuffles along wanting to blend into the
crowd, not wishing his status symbol to be noticed. However, his
shuffle encourages the "unarmed" group to notice the mobile from
the rear. Very subtle.
He is Mr. Subtle-Show-Off. Women seeking a life mate of this
description are advised to head for Pondok Indah Mall on Sundays.
You'll be able show him off to mother if you catch him while he
is still unattached and if he notices you at all.
The attached species of Mr. Subtle-Show-Off usually struts
around the mall with Mrs. All-Important and Baby All-Important,
who is dressed in the best of Osh Kosh designer kiddywear and is
perambulating in a baby stroller with a Fitri clone at the
controls.
The mobile rings and invades your reverie and smashes your
dream of ever finding a charming Mr. Subtle-Show-Off for
yourself. He hands the cellular to Mrs. All-Important, who
instantly switches on her long distance smile and listens in
wrapped silence to one of her maids remind her that a fresh
supply of sweet potatoes is sorely needed.