'I want to be a woman when I meet God'

'I want to be a woman when I meet God'

Transvestites, transsexuals and other gender-benders have long
been part of Indonesia's entertainment industry. Their ability to
amuse and enchant often hides a great sadness. The Jakarta Post
contributor Duncan Graham meets one tough, clever woman in East
Java:

If cruelty, rejection and hostility during childhood can
determine attitudes in adult life then Lina Sutrisno has a
thousand reasons to hate -- probably more.

That she shows no signs of bitterness is a tribute to her
determination that nothing would halt her precious ambition: To
be a woman.

For Ibu Lina was born Ano Liong Thay -- a boy.

In his early school years in Malang little Ano found no
pleasure in the company of knockabout boys. He had male
genitalia, wore trousers and was considered by classmates and
teachers to be male.

But he wanted dolls and dresses, mascara and nail polish --
behavior that rapidly singled him out for derision. He didn't
realize it at the time but through some quirk of nature he was a
transsexual.

Ano's parents, who ran a small general store in the Klontong
market, were not sympathetic to their little lad's situation.
His mother was Christian and her son was sent to a Catholic
school. It was there that his position became most distressful
when a priest and sisters rejected him as evil.

Unable to tolerate the sneers and derision from children who
didn't know better -- and the adults who should have done -- he
fled school in second year high. He also made his first move to
Islam, a religion he found more accepting and which she now
embraces with grace.

After working in his parents' shop Ano entered puberty and
felt the overpowering pull of his feminine side. He grew small
breasts but also facial hair. His male organs remained
undeveloped but he shaved and wore women's clothes.

His parents' marriage broke up and he was truly alone. Aged
15, Ano changed his name to Lina, after a Roman royal called
Queen Messalina, a character in a popular film of the time. It
was a clear statement of independence: "He" had become "she".

Two years later she got her identity card with the
classification "female."

Big city, broader horizons

Lina moved to Jakarta and only there encountered people with
wider knowledge and tolerance. A friend who had lived in Holland
reported on European perspectives. Fortunately, at that time some
advances had been made overseas in the recognition and treatment
of transsexuals, particularly by an American physician, Dr Harry
Benjamin. She learned that surgery could help change her body and
soothe her mind and spirit.

"Surgery meant big money," Ibu Lina said in the beauty salon
she now runs in her hometown. "I knew I had to strive hard to get
those rupiah. I was on my own, so I learned makeup and
hairdressing and became successful. I worked in Jakarta for seven
years. Then I had to find a doctor who would do the operations."

No easy task. President Soeharto controlled the media and
there were to be no detailed stories of sex changes littering the
pages of the nation's press.

Strange things might happen in the decadent West, but
Indonesians had to be protected from such information -- even
when needed for serious reasons by people who had been born
incomplete and desperately needed to know the facts.

Slowly and by word of mouth Lina's road led to the Surabaya
surgery of Professor Dr Johansyah Marzuki. Before any operation
could be undertaken Lina had to get supporting letters from
specialists in a wide range of fields, from urology to
psychiatry.

And every one wanted a close look at her naked body, along
with their fee. Once they'd peered and probed and satisfied their
curiosity some then rejected her, applying personal moral
strictures instead of professional counseling.

This gross embarrassment lasted for three years: It would have
discouraged any lesser person. Lina wasn't confronting some
ordinary disease that could be revealed to arouse public
sympathy. Instead she was facing a future of being physically
incomplete and emotionally ambiguous; it was psychologically
scary and extremely personal.

"Everyone wants to be a woman or a man, not half-and-half,"
she said. I had a problem and I knew I must be clever enough to
get the money to solve the problem.

"I remained determined. I didn't care what people thought. I
knew that I wanted to be a woman when I'm called to God."

Femininity and self-confidence

Through hormone treatment, Lina grew a pair of most
presentable breasts that gave her the courage to wear a bikini on
the beach. But the hormones had unpleasant side effects.

Eventually Ibu Lina had two operations, one to enhance her
breasts, the other to remove the small male genitalia and shape
it into a female form. That was in the early 1980s.

Then she started to lose body hair though the hormones had
been discontinued. Now, at 53, her skin is smooth and soft. She
looks 13 years younger than her age, a tall and extremely
feminine woman proud of her sexuality and her substantial
achievements.

And also with the courage and self-confidence to tell her
story.

Through her long quest to consolidate her gender Ibu Lina
learned much about human psychology and the powerful drive women
have to retain their looks and to battle aging.

Through her encounters with the medical profession she began
to assist doctors working in cosmetic surgery and has built a
good business specializing in the laser removal of hair, warts,
birthmarks and wrinkles.

Ironically, her salon is only a few hundred meters from her
parents' old stall and where she endured so much public
humiliation.

Ibu Lina has been married twice in a bid to fulfill her
destiny as a woman but the unions were unsuccessful. She has an
adopted daughter and has recently started turning her multiple
talents to doll-making and painting. Like many transsexuals she
is highly creative. Along the way she's built an impressive array
of qualifications and skills that have customers from afar
seeking her services.

She is also strongly supported by other women in business who
understand how difficult it is to survive alone.

"I know about discrimination. I can't forget the cruelty --
though I do get close to forgetting," Ibu Lina said. I hate
cruelty. I only want love. Now I know we can finally only get
true love from God. My childhood years were undoubtedly bad.
However, I knew what I wanted and I never cried. I was never
angry with God.

"Even now, the position of women in Indonesia is not good. To
succeed we must be very smart and intelligent. Where there is a
will there has to be a way. I urge young people in whatever they
are doing and however they have been made to value themselves
above all.

"Don't worry about what others think: It's not their business.
No one asks to be born a transsexual -- people should be more
flexible in their outlook and thinking.

"Everyone is different. Keep an open mind. Who knows what
handicap can visit you or your family? Respect difference."