How to stop a midlife crisis from destroying your life

How to stop a midlife crisis from destroying your life

By Maria Endah Hulupi

JAKARTA (JP): Rama, 53, was a successful entrepreneur and
lived a financially secure life with his wife, two daughters and
their spouses, plus three grandchildren in his comfortable house
in the Warung Buncit area of South Jakarta.

Just when he thought he was on top of the world, Rama lost his
fortune after his brother sabotaged his business. During that
period, he could not rely on his unemployed daughters and son-in-
laws to take care of him financially.

Then he became paranoid that his family blamed him for failing
to make the family business survive.

He started avoiding them and wondering if life would have been
better if he had maintained his previous job as a government
official. Actually, Rama's wife and daughters were worried about
his condition because they often noticed him talking to himself.

A psychiatrist with Omni Medical Center, W.M. Roan, said that
the loss of wealth, family members, job, reputation, close
friends and youth are among others experiences that can make a
person spiral into a midlife crisis.

"A difficult time propels a person into desperation. If the
person can face it, with or without the help of others, the
midlife crisis can help build a more mature personality to enable
the person to cope with the challenges they may face in the
future," he said.

He named several potential crises in a person's lifetime,
starting from birth, childhood and adolescence, which mainly stem
from hormonal changes followed by significant physical changes,
marriage, becoming a parent, becoming a parent of adolescent
children to facing old age.

In western countries, he explained, a midlife crisis can
affect people in their 40s or 50s, while in Indonesia, it affects
those in their 30s and 40s.

Middle-aged people who reap the rewards of decades of hard
work and sacrifices, including raising children, achieving
financial security, having good friends and other achievements,
may not experience midlife hardship and their lives could
continue without having to face emotionally significant
experiences. But things could be different if they lose their
loving family.

"Many people who do, start exploring the what-ifs or other
things they should have done, blaming themselves for it," Roan
said.

Middle-aged people, especially women going through menopause,
can experience physical discomfort like pains in the chest,
migraines and difficulty breathing when facing the crisis. These
symptoms can worsen the physical ailments normally experienced by
older people, like sight and hearing problems, as well as a
decline in sexual performance.

Sometimes, men try to compensate for their self-perceived
incompetence or their fear of being old and unattractive by
dressing up, becoming excessively generous or flirting.

Many middle-aged people think that they are unattractive,
helpless, powerless or unwanted and they avoid interaction as
they become sensitive.

"Various kinds of psychiatric disorders, like anxiety and
panic attacks, can emerge during a period of crisis," Roan added.

However, he warned that disorders can weaken people and
develop into serious mental problems like manic depression and
paranoid schizophrenia, which can be fatal.

Roan said that one of the hardest experiences is losing a
loved one, which is also an unavoidable experience. Typically,
women deal with their grievances better than men.

"This is why men who have recently lost their spouse, for
example, are likely to follow within two or three years," he
explained.

He cautioned, however, that if things become out of control,
middle-aged people need to seek professional help to prevent the
crisis from further affecting their mental health.

"Psychiatrists may prescribe medication like anti-anxiety or
antidepressant drugs," he added.

A midlife crisis, he explained, can be prepared for years
before a person enters their mid-life period by preparing for the
worst they might experience. It is also important to make plans
for one's own future.

"This way people can better equip themselves when facing
unexpected experiences decades from now," he said.

Among the anticipative measures are establishing good
interpersonal relationships, like joining a middle-aged group and
pursuing a hobby to keep busy with constructive activities, which
also opens the door to other possibilities.

"People can communicate and receive constructive advice from
other middle-aged people. These kinds of activities are important
but should only be performed in a balanced way to create a
balanced life, both emotionally and physically," he said.

To ensure physical health, middle-aged people are urged to
change their living habits, including eating healthy food and
exercising regularly.

"Exercise helps boost stamina and at the same time can make
the brain produce endorphine, which has a similar effect to
morphine," said Roan.