How to make confrontation a matter of cooperation

How to make confrontation a matter of cooperation

By D. Chandramouli

JAKARTA (JP): "An argument is an exchange of decibels and a
contest is an exchange of stupidity." This is an oft-repeated
phrase of my late father's about people who argue simply for the
sake of argument.

Some people do give the impression that they live to argue! It
is futile to change the views of totally cynics. We should rather
accept them as they are and get on with our own lives.

It is good to be open-minded and to encourage arguments and
dissent on matters of importance, as analytical thinking is vital
for good decision-making. To believe with certainty, we must
begin with doubt. However, once a policy decision is taken, there
should be no room for doubt.

What is an argument ? It's nothing but thinking differently.
We should allow the free flow of thought. Everybody's
contribution is vitally important and brainstorming can bring up
many possible solutions. The best leaders are good at listening
to others' opinions. Listening is an important part of
communication.

People who often use the words "we" or "let's" are likely to
accomplish enduring success in their chosen fields. They believe
in working together with a great sense of team spirit.

As the saying goes, it is better to debate a question without
settling it than to settle a question without debating it. A man
who talks frankly and argues vehemently before a decision is
taken is far more committed than a person who meekly accepts
decisions but implements them half-heartedly.

In the words of Frank Mckinney Hubbard, "The fellow that
agrees with everything you say is either a fool or is getting
ready to skin you."

A management guru makes this point even more clear. "Be
democratic in decision-making and dictatorial in implementation.
Many people mismanage by having this upside down".

Alfred P. Sloan, Jr. President of General Motors, U.S.A., is
reported to have said at a meeting of top GM Management:
"Gentlemen, I take it we are in complete agreement on the
decision here." Everyone around the table nodded assent. "Then,"
continued Mr. Sloan, "I propose we postpone further discussion of
this matter to give ourselves time to develop disagreement and
perhaps gain some understanding of what the decision is all
about".

It is a pity that in real life situations, acceptance of an
idea is determined by who advocates it and not by the strength of
the idea.

At times, we may not be able to produce convincing arguments
but deep inside our heart, we know we're right. Faith can
transcend reason and the heart has its own reasons. A wise man
once said: "You can think with your heart but you can't feel with
your mind."

Strongly-held views may not always pass the test of time.
Life's ordeals make one more mature and sober, bringing tolerance
of others' opinions.

A poet laureate in India was once a confirmed atheist. He had
studied many Hindu religious texts and epics with great fervor
and became a scholar in his own right. With this background, he
sharpened his debating skills and managed to win over opponents
to his side.

Strangely, after a few years when he was into his middle age,
he changed his views on God thoroughly and became a devotee of
Lord Krishna. He became a deeply spiritual and religious person.
There was no stopping him thereafter and he produced excellent
and highly inspiring works of religious philosophy, easily
understandable to laymen.

His life proves this statement: "If you haven't discarded a
major opinion or acquired a new one in the last few years, check
your pulse; you may be dead."