Gaslighting and Excessive Control: Red Flags in Relationships That Should Not Be Ignored

Many young people stay in relationships that are actually unhealthy because they do not recognise warning signs from the outset.

Dr. Lahargo Kembaren, SpKJ, a psychiatrist in Community Service at PP-PDSKJI, warns that red flags or warning signs in relationships often appear in the form of belittling, manipulative behaviour, up to excessive control.

He stresses that recognising these signs is important so that someone is not trapped in a damaging relationship.

“A healthy relationship is not about how often you are together and spend time happily, but about how safe, growing, and valued you feel in it,” he said in a statement received by Kompas.com on Sunday, 1 March 2026.

Understanding the signs of an unhealthy relationship is just as important as understanding the features of a healthy one.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that makes a person doubt their own feelings and thoughts.

Expressions such as “You’re overreacting” or “It’s just a joke” are often used to downplay the other person’s feelings.

Over time, the victim may feel guilty about emotions that are actually normal. If left unchecked, gaslighting can erode a person’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

Jealousy without a clear reason is also a danger signal. This behaviour is often seen as a sign of care, but it shows a lack of trust.

Excessive control makes the relationship feel oppressive and uncomfortable.

Problems should be discussed calmly, not used as a tool to pressure the partner. A healthy relationship does not involve verbal, physical, or sexual violence.