Frequently Mistaken for Love When Toxic: Psychiatrist Explains Signs of Healthy Relationships for Gen Z

Cases of toxic relationships resulting in violence and injury among young people demonstrate that many young adults have not yet understood healthy boundaries in relationships.

Dr. Lahargo Kembaren, SpKJ, a psychiatrist specialising in community service at the Indonesian Psychiatric Association (PP-PDSKJI), believes this condition is linked to a lack of guidance and role models for building healthy relationships. He emphasised that the ability to develop relationships must be learned to prevent young people from becoming trapped in harmful dynamics.

“Healthy relationships are not about how frequently you spend enjoyable time together, but rather how safe, growth-oriented, and valued you feel within them,” he stated in remarks received by Kompas.com on Sunday (1 March 2026).

Closeness can form easily, but emotional depth in relationships is not necessarily strong. Social pressure, fear of missing out (FOMO), and the culture of validation on social media make it difficult for some young people to distinguish between healthy and emotionally draining relationships.

Many young adults end up trapped in toxic relationships without recognising the warning signs from the beginning. Digital validation often requires relationships to appear perfect in front of the public. The pressure to appear harmonious can shift focus away from actual relationship quality.

Communication through short messages frequently triggers misunderstandings. Misinterpreting punctuation, last-seen status, or unanswered messages can trigger unnecessary conflict. Fear of abandonment causes some young people to sacrifice their core values. Exposure to toxic relationships on social media can also make drama appear to be a sign of love.

Lahargo believes Gen Z is sufficiently emotionally expressive, but not all young people possess good emotional regulation skills, making relationships more vulnerable to unhealthy conflict.