Feminist demand polygamy be abolished
Feminist demand polygamy be abolished
By T. Sima Gunawan
JAKARTA (JP): R.A. Kartini, the national pioneer of women's emancipation, was a tragic feminist.
A bright young woman with progressive ideas, she strongly objected to polygamy. The 24-year-old woman, however, could not say "no" when her parents told her to marry a regent who already had three wives and six children.
"I am hopeless, with grief I fold my hands. As a human being I feel alone and I am not able to fight the monstrous crime which is -- oh, how cruel it is. Protected by Islamic teaching and enlivened by women's foolishness: the victims. Alas! I think one day my destiny will set me to the cruel torture, which is called polygamy! 'I won't,' my mouth screams, my heart echoes the scream a thousand times...," Kartini said in one of her letters prior to her marriage.
Kartini died at the age of 25 on Sept. 17, 1904, several days after giving birth.
The government of Indonesia declared Kartini a national heroine in 1964 and since then her birthday, April 21, has been observed as Kartini Day.
A typical way of celebrating Kartini Day in schools is for the students to sing Ibu Kita Kartini (Our Mother, Kartini) and hold cooking and flower arrangement contests. The highlight of the celebration is usually a Miss Kartini contest, whose participants wear traditional costumes.
Some female civil servants and employees of private companies also observe Kartini Day by wearing traditional apparel, wearing their hair in a bun and wearing heavy make-up.
As a matter of fact, most people commemorate Kartini for her femininity rather than her feminism.
Kartini, a Javanese princess, was a feminine feminist. She was not the type of angry woman who hated men and confronted them in public. Even when she was furious, Kartini expressed her anger in her own way. Her feelings and thoughts were all poured out through letters to her closest friends. The letters, which were written in Dutch, were first published in 1911 under the title of Door Duisternis tot Licht.
Opportunity
Gender justice was the substance of Kartini's ideas as she observed the discrimination against women in a male-dominated society. She was highly credited for her struggle to open the doors of education and employment for women. It was her ideas of equal opportunity in schooling and vocation for both men and women which has been explored and developed. Her ideas about marriage, including polygamy, however, remain foreign to many people.
Polygamy has existed since before the colonial age, long before Kartini was born. Indonesia's first president Sukarno, who had four wives, was only one of many men who practiced polygamy after Indonesia gained its independence in 1945. It is not only top government officials and successful businessmen who have multiple marriages, but also men who have more than enough money to feed more than one wife and her children.
"The practice of polygamy persists because there is an opportunity to do so," Nursyahbani Kacasungkana, a feminist legal expert, said.
Under Indonesia's 1974 Marriage Law, a man can take a second wife under certain conditions: if the first wife "cannot execute her duty as a wife," if she is physically handicapped or suffering from an incurable disease, or infertile. Consent of the first wife is required before a man can take a second wife.
Civil servants who want to practice polygamy have to obtain approval not only from their first wives, but also their supervisors, as stipulated in the government's regulation of PP 10/1983.
In practice, however, men can remarry without the first wife's approval because Article 2 of the marriage law says that a marriage is legal if it is conducted in accordance with religion.
Under Islam, which allows a man to have up to four wives, a man does not require the consent his wife or wives.
"It is not that easy for a Moslem to remarry because the Koran says a man may have more than one wife if he can be fair and treat the wives equally. As a human being, how can you be entirely fair? It is impossible to be 100 percent fair," marriage counselor Kartina Soeyono Prawirabisma said.
Like Kartina, popularly known as Bu Kar, Nursyahbani argues that, contrary to what many people believe, basically Islam does not favor polygamy.
Nursyahbani suggests that people should reinterpret the article on polygamy as mentioned in the An Nisa verses of the Koran.
She also urges the government to abolish Article 2 of the marriage law.
Her idea conflicts with that of Muhadi Zainuddin's, an assistant of the Dean of the School of Syariah (Religious Laws), Indonesian Islamic University in Yogyakarta.
Zainuddin, who is pro-polygamy, said it is necessary to review PP 10/1983 on civil servant practicing polygamy.
According to the regulation, any civil servant who takes a second wife without the consent of his first wife and supervisor can be dismissed.
"I feel sorry for a civil servant who wants to remarry but is threatened by the PP 10 regulation. Rather than encouraging people to commit the sin of living together or playing around, it is better to let them practice polygamy, isn't it?" Zainuddin was quoted by Amanah Moslem bi-weekly as saying.
The magazine also reported that Kholid Ridwan, head of the coordinating board of the Indonesian Islamic Boarding Schools, defended polygamy as a means of preventing the spread of AIDS.
Bu Kar, who has been in charge of marriage counseling in the Femina women's magazine since 1972, notes three main reasons why men want to marry again.
"The first reason is that the men feel ashamed of their wives, who cannot keep up with their achievements," she said.
A number of successful men who start their careers as low- level employees feel embarrassed to be seen with their wives in public if the women cannot adjust to their new surroundings. Instead of making an effort to encourage their wives to become modern women, they might take a short cut by marrying another woman.
Other men want to marry again because they are not sexually satisfied with their wives or because they do not have children.
There are also men who believe that having more than one wife will elevate their social status.
"In my opinion, the only reason I could accept polygamy would be if the first wife was insane," Bu Kar said.
She added, however, that there are polygamy cases which occur because of the first wife.
"Honestly speaking, we can't just blame the husbands, sometimes the wives are also guilty," she said.
Citing an example, she said that a wife must be able to keep up with her husband's achievements to enable her to adjust with any new situation, especially when she has to accompany her husband in public.
As for the wives who allow their husbands to marry again, Bu Kar said some of them consent because they feel guilty for being unable to bear children. Others believe that it would be better for their husbands to have other wives rather than commit adultery, according to Bu Kar.
But there are also women who let their husbands practice polygamy because they are afraid that if they do not give their consent, they might end up divorced while they are financially dependent on their husbands, she explained.
In other cases, women do not ask for a divorce even though they cannot justify polygamy.
"They are afraid that their children will suffer, either economically or psychologically, if their parents are divorced," she pointed out.
Nursyahbani, a former director of the Jakarta Legal Aid Institute, said that whatever the reason is, she is against multi-marriages.
"I am against polygamy because it discriminates against women. It's not a matter of men being allowed to have more than one wife while women are not allowed to take more than one husband.
"I believe that polygamy is a crime because in the first place it hurts the first wives and makes them suffer," she said.
Coordinator of the Non-Governmental Organizations' Network for the Defense of Women's Rights, Nursyahbani demanded that the practice of polygamy be abolished.
"Divorce is better than polygamy," she stressed.
She said that a woman, whose husband gets married again without her consent, has the right to ask the court to annul the second marriage. The woman can also divorce him.
If the husband is a civil servant, the state treasurer will automatically divide his salary into three parts, according to Nursyahbani. The first part is sent to his first wife, the second part goes to the children of the first marriage and the third part is for the husband.
There is no regulation on alimony for non-civil servants. But according to the marriage law, a man is obliged to feed his ex- wife and children until she marries again.
Clearly divorce has a negative impact on the wife and children. Therefore, women who want to get a divorce must have not only financial security, but also must be firm and resolute.
Kartini took the hand of a married man because her parents told her to do so. A devoted daughter who respected her parents and loved them very much, she obeyed them. The social pressure, too, was too strong for her to bear. There has been great changes in society. Unlike Kartini, many women become 'young' wives of their own choice. Yes, people have the right to chose what they want to be, as long as they really know what they are doing and are aware of the consequences. What's more important is that nobody should be hurt by the choice.
It seems impossible to totally abolish polygamy, but the number of multi marriages could certainly be reduced with some effort, including the empowerment of women. Being financially independent can eliminate the possibility of being trapped in polygamy.