Feminist demand polygamy be abolished<\/p>\n
By T. Sima Gunawan<\/p>\n
JAKARTA (JP): R.A. Kartini, the national pioneer of women's
\nemancipation, was a tragic feminist.<\/p>\n
A bright young woman with progressive ideas, she strongly
\nobjected to polygamy. The 24-year-old woman, however, could not
\nsay \"no\" when her parents told her to marry a regent who already
\nhad three wives and six children.<\/p>\n
\"I am hopeless, with grief I fold my hands. As a human being I
\nfeel alone and I am not able to fight the monstrous crime which
\nis -- oh, how cruel it is. Protected by Islamic teaching and
\nenlivened by women's foolishness: the victims. Alas! I think one
\nday my destiny will set me to the cruel torture, which is called
\npolygamy! 'I won't,' my mouth screams, my heart echoes the scream
\na thousand times...,\" Kartini said in one of her letters prior to
\nher marriage.<\/p>\n
Kartini died at the age of 25 on Sept. 17, 1904, several days
\nafter giving birth.<\/p>\n
The government of Indonesia declared Kartini a national
\nheroine in 1964 and since then her birthday, April 21, has been
\nobserved as Kartini Day.<\/p>\n
A typical way of celebrating Kartini Day in schools is for the
\nstudents to sing Ibu Kita Kartini (Our Mother, Kartini) and hold
\ncooking and flower arrangement contests. The highlight of the
\ncelebration is usually a Miss Kartini contest, whose participants
\nwear traditional costumes.<\/p>\n
Some female civil servants and employees of private companies
\nalso observe Kartini Day by wearing traditional apparel, wearing
\ntheir hair in a bun and wearing heavy make-up.<\/p>\n
As a matter of fact, most people commemorate Kartini for her
\nfemininity rather than her feminism.<\/p>\n
Kartini, a Javanese princess, was a feminine feminist. She was
\nnot the type of angry woman who hated men and confronted them in
\npublic. Even when she was furious, Kartini expressed her anger in
\nher own way. Her feelings and thoughts were all poured out
\nthrough letters to her closest friends. The letters, which were
\nwritten in Dutch, were first published in 1911 under the title of
\nDoor Duisternis tot Licht.<\/p>\n
Opportunity<\/p>\n
Gender justice was the substance of Kartini's ideas as she
\nobserved the discrimination against women in a male-dominated
\nsociety. She was highly credited for her struggle to open the
\ndoors of education and employment for women. It was her ideas of
\nequal opportunity in schooling and vocation for both men and
\nwomen which has been explored and developed. Her ideas about
\nmarriage, including polygamy, however, remain foreign to many
\npeople.<\/p>\n
Polygamy has existed since before the colonial age, long
\nbefore Kartini was born. Indonesia's first president Sukarno, who
\nhad four wives, was only one of many men who practiced polygamy
\nafter Indonesia gained its independence in 1945. It is not only
\ntop government officials and successful businessmen who have
\nmultiple marriages, but also men who have more than enough money
\nto feed more than one wife and her children.<\/p>\n
\"The practice of polygamy persists because there is an
\nopportunity to do so,\" Nursyahbani Kacasungkana, a feminist legal
\nexpert, said.<\/p>\n
Under Indonesia's 1974 Marriage Law, a man can take a second
\nwife under certain conditions: if the first wife \"cannot execute
\nher duty as a wife,\" if she is physically handicapped or
\nsuffering from an incurable disease, or infertile. Consent of the
\nfirst wife is required before a man can take a second wife.<\/p>\n
Civil servants who want to practice polygamy have to obtain
\napproval not only from their first wives, but also their
\nsupervisors, as stipulated in the government's regulation of PP
\n10\/1983.<\/p>\n
In practice, however, men can remarry without the first wife's
\napproval because Article 2 of the marriage law says that a
\nmarriage is legal if it is conducted in accordance with religion.<\/p>\n
Under Islam, which allows a man to have up to four wives, a
\nman does not require the consent his wife or wives.<\/p>\n
\"It is not that easy for a Moslem to remarry because the Koran
\nsays a man may have more than one wife if he can be fair and
\ntreat the wives equally. As a human being, how can you be
\nentirely fair? It is impossible to be 100 percent fair,\" marriage
\ncounselor Kartina Soeyono Prawirabisma said.<\/p>\n
Like Kartina, popularly known as Bu Kar, Nursyahbani argues
\nthat, contrary to what many people believe, basically Islam does
\nnot favor polygamy.<\/p>\n
Nursyahbani suggests that people should reinterpret the
\narticle on polygamy as mentioned in the An Nisa verses of the
\nKoran.<\/p>\n
She also urges the government to abolish Article 2 of the
\nmarriage law.<\/p>\n
Her idea conflicts with that of Muhadi Zainuddin's, an
\nassistant of the Dean of the School of Syariah (Religious Laws),
\nIndonesian Islamic University in Yogyakarta.<\/p>\n
Zainuddin, who is pro-polygamy, said it is necessary to review
\nPP 10\/1983 on civil servant practicing polygamy.<\/p>\n
According to the regulation, any civil servant who takes a
\nsecond wife without the consent of his first wife and supervisor
\ncan be dismissed.<\/p>\n
\"I feel sorry for a civil servant who wants to remarry but is
\nthreatened by the PP 10 regulation. Rather than encouraging
\npeople to commit the sin of living together or playing around, it
\nis better to let them practice polygamy, isn't it?\" Zainuddin was
\nquoted by Amanah Moslem bi-weekly as saying.<\/p>\n
The magazine also reported that Kholid Ridwan, head of the
\ncoordinating board of the Indonesian Islamic Boarding Schools,
\ndefended polygamy as a means of preventing the spread of AIDS.<\/p>\n
Bu Kar, who has been in charge of marriage counseling in the
\nFemina women's magazine since 1972, notes three main reasons why
\nmen want to marry again.<\/p>\n
\"The first reason is that the men feel ashamed of their wives,
\nwho cannot keep up with their achievements,\" she said.<\/p>\n
A number of successful men who start their careers as low-
\nlevel employees feel embarrassed to be seen with their wives in
\npublic if the women cannot adjust to their new surroundings.
\nInstead of making an effort to encourage their wives to become
\nmodern women, they might take a short cut by marrying another
\nwoman.<\/p>\n
Other men want to marry again because they are not sexually
\nsatisfied with their wives or because they do not have children.<\/p>\n
There are also men who believe that having more than one wife
\nwill elevate their social status.<\/p>\n
\"In my opinion, the only reason I could accept polygamy would
\nbe if the first wife was insane,\" Bu Kar said.<\/p>\n
She added, however, that there are polygamy cases which occur
\nbecause of the first wife.<\/p>\n
\"Honestly speaking, we can't just blame the husbands,
\nsometimes the wives are also guilty,\" she said.<\/p>\n
Citing an example, she said that a wife must be able to keep
\nup with her husband's achievements to enable her to adjust with
\nany new situation, especially when she has to accompany her
\nhusband in public.<\/p>\n
As for the wives who allow their husbands to marry again, Bu
\nKar said some of them consent because they feel guilty for being
\nunable to bear children. Others believe that it would be better
\nfor their husbands to have other wives rather than commit
\nadultery, according to Bu Kar.<\/p>\n
But there are also women who let their husbands practice
\npolygamy because they are afraid that if they do not give their
\nconsent, they might end up divorced while they are financially
\ndependent on their husbands, she explained.<\/p>\n
In other cases, women do not ask for a divorce even though
\nthey cannot justify polygamy.<\/p>\n
\"They are afraid that their children will suffer, either
\neconomically or psychologically, if their parents are divorced,\"
\nshe pointed out.<\/p>\n
Nursyahbani, a former director of the Jakarta Legal Aid
\nInstitute, said that whatever the reason is, she is against
\nmulti-marriages.<\/p>\n
\"I am against polygamy because it discriminates against women.
\nIt's not a matter of men being allowed to have more than one wife
\nwhile women are not allowed to take more than one husband.<\/p>\n
\"I believe that polygamy is a crime because in the first place
\nit hurts the first wives and makes them suffer,\" she said.<\/p>\n
Coordinator of the Non-Governmental Organizations' Network for
\nthe Defense of Women's Rights, Nursyahbani demanded that the
\npractice of polygamy be abolished.<\/p>\n
\"Divorce is better than polygamy,\" she stressed.<\/p>\n
She said that a woman, whose husband gets married again
\nwithout her consent, has the right to ask the court to annul the
\nsecond marriage. The woman can also divorce him.<\/p>\n
If the husband is a civil servant, the state treasurer will
\nautomatically divide his salary into three parts, according to
\nNursyahbani. The first part is sent to his first wife, the second
\npart goes to the children of the first marriage and the third
\npart is for the husband.<\/p>\n
There is no regulation on alimony for non-civil servants. But
\naccording to the marriage law, a man is obliged to feed his ex-
\nwife and children until she marries again.<\/p>\n
Clearly divorce has a negative impact on the wife and
\nchildren. Therefore, women who want to get a divorce must have
\nnot only financial security, but also must be firm and resolute.<\/p>\n
Kartini took the hand of a married man because her parents
\ntold her to do so. A devoted daughter who respected her parents
\nand loved them very much, she obeyed them. The social pressure,
\ntoo, was too strong for her to bear. There has been great changes
\nin society. Unlike Kartini, many women become 'young' wives of
\ntheir own choice. Yes, people have the right to chose what they
\nwant to be, as long as they really know what they are doing and
\nare aware of the consequences. What's more important is that
\nnobody should be hurt by the choice.<\/p>\n
It seems impossible to totally abolish polygamy, but the
\nnumber of multi marriages could certainly be reduced with some
\neffort, including the empowerment of women. Being financially
\nindependent can eliminate the possibility of being trapped in
\npolygamy.<\/p>",
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