Commuters clinch love affairs, rare dates

Commuters clinch love affairs, rare dates

By Johannes Simbolon

JAKARTA (JP): They leave at the same hour every morning, take
the same bus or train, meet the same people, and stand by or sit
beside the same person throughout the trip.

Anything could happen. Including falling in love.

"Love affairs often develop among commuters. They may feel
reluctant to engage in affairs with colleagues because in the
office people know each other. On the train people are mainly
anonymous. There is no fear that their romance will be
scrutinized by others," Tamrin Tomagola, a sociology lecturer at
the University of Indonesia, told The Jakarta Post.

"Many commuters are placing their marriage in danger now
because of it," he added.

Commuters living in Bogor, Tangerang and Bekasi not only lack
sleep, but also lack the time to maintain their relationships at
home. Love affairs on buses and trains then happen.

Commuters have less time for their spouses. They wake up
early, hastily bathe and rush for the bus or train. They arrive
home in the evening, already too tired to talk or do anything
else to keep their families happy. Everybody goes to bed quickly
to get enough sleep to make it through the next day.

"I usually go to sleep after the World News (9:30 p.m.).
Sometimes I do some work until 10 p.m.," said Sitorus, a Bekasi
resident who works in Blok M, South Jakarta.

Couples who drive their own cars to work can use the time in
traffic as a chance to talk.

"My office closes at 4 p.m. My wife's at 5 p.m. I fetch her
everyday. We have four hours, including the time we spend
traveling to Jakarta and back home, to be together everyday. I
think it's enough," said Johannes, a Tangerang resident who works
at a hotel in Blok M.

To many commuters, Sundays are when family members gather to
relax or occasionally visit relatives. But many people work on
Sundays to make extra money.

"Free time on Sundays is still a luxury to most of us. There
are many people who work throughout the week," said Sartono
Mukadis, a social-affairs observer.

As two-income households increase, child rearing and education
becomes a problem.

Nurseries

Some offices in Jakarta once opened in-office nurseries for
their employees, but they weren't popular and closed, said
Tamrin.

Commuters still prefer to leave their children in the care of
their relatives, parents and housemaids.

Tamrin said people cannot expect to benefit from their
extended family much longer.

"We need to establish the community support system in every
housing complex. Under the system, the complexes provide day-
nurseries and catering service. The latter is for couples who
come home late in the evening and don't have time to cook. The
nurseries are to anticipate future problems when people will no
longer be willing to take care of the children of their relatives
without pay," said Tamrin.

Many parents still take time before bed to help their children
do their homework. But most children only see their parents for a
short in the morning and evening.

"The commuters rely 100 percent on schools to educate their
children," said Sartono.

Distance is also a problem in socialization. Instead of
visiting each other as rural communities do, people now use the
telephone to communicate. People also tend to limit their social
circles. Batak people, for example, used to often stage family
gatherings involving all people of the same family name. In
Jakarta, they limit such gatherings to close relatives once a
month in order to save money, time and energy.

Some migrants find it difficult to adjust to the new
situation.

Sitorus, a Batak, has a telephone at home but he still finds
it "impolite" to use the phone to invite his relatives,
especially the relatives from his wife's side, to family
gatherings.

He travels across Greater Jakarta over many days to visit them
individually.

"It's terribly exhausting," commented Sitorus.

Bachelors regret they can't spend long with their lovers.
People who have cars and phones can often visit and communicate
with their loved ones. Those without must be satisfied with
infrequent dates and entrust their relationships to survive on
the power of love.

"I have a friend who lives in Tangerang and has a girlfriend
in Bekasi. If they make a date after office hours, he may leave
his girlfriend's house at 10 p.m. and arrive home at midnight,"
said Boby Arinto, a marketing agency's employee.

Maybe they should glance at the person standing beside them on
the bus tomorrow.