Commuters clinch love affairs, rare dates

By Johannes Simbolon

JAKARTA (JP): They leave at the same hour every morning, take the same bus or train, meet the same people, and stand by or sit beside the same person throughout the trip.

Anything could happen. Including falling in love.

"Love affairs often develop among commuters. They may feel reluctant to engage in affairs with colleagues because in the office people know each other. On the train people are mainly anonymous. There is no fear that their romance will be scrutinized by others," Tamrin Tomagola, a sociology lecturer at the University of Indonesia, told The Jakarta Post.

"Many commuters are placing their marriage in danger now because of it," he added.

Commuters living in Bogor, Tangerang and Bekasi not only lack sleep, but also lack the time to maintain their relationships at home. Love affairs on buses and trains then happen.

Commuters have less time for their spouses. They wake up early, hastily bathe and rush for the bus or train. They arrive home in the evening, already too tired to talk or do anything else to keep their families happy. Everybody goes to bed quickly to get enough sleep to make it through the next day.

"I usually go to sleep after the World News (9:30 p.m.). Sometimes I do some work until 10 p.m.," said Sitorus, a Bekasi resident who works in Blok M, South Jakarta.

Couples who drive their own cars to work can use the time in traffic as a chance to talk.

"My office closes at 4 p.m. My wife's at 5 p.m. I fetch her everyday. We have four hours, including the time we spend traveling to Jakarta and back home, to be together everyday. I think it's enough," said Johannes, a Tangerang resident who works at a hotel in Blok M.

To many commuters, Sundays are when family members gather to relax or occasionally visit relatives. But many people work on Sundays to make extra money.

"Free time on Sundays is still a luxury to most of us. There are many people who work throughout the week," said Sartono Mukadis, a social-affairs observer.

As two-income households increase, child rearing and education becomes a problem.

Nurseries

Some offices in Jakarta once opened in-office nurseries for their employees, but they weren't popular and closed, said Tamrin.

Commuters still prefer to leave their children in the care of their relatives, parents and housemaids.

Tamrin said people cannot expect to benefit from their extended family much longer.

"We need to establish the community support system in every housing complex. Under the system, the complexes provide day- nurseries and catering service. The latter is for couples who come home late in the evening and don't have time to cook. The nurseries are to anticipate future problems when people will no longer be willing to take care of the children of their relatives without pay," said Tamrin.

Many parents still take time before bed to help their children do their homework. But most children only see their parents for a short in the morning and evening.

"The commuters rely 100 percent on schools to educate their children," said Sartono.

Distance is also a problem in socialization. Instead of visiting each other as rural communities do, people now use the telephone to communicate. People also tend to limit their social circles. Batak people, for example, used to often stage family gatherings involving all people of the same family name. In Jakarta, they limit such gatherings to close relatives once a month in order to save money, time and energy.

Some migrants find it difficult to adjust to the new situation.

Sitorus, a Batak, has a telephone at home but he still finds it "impolite" to use the phone to invite his relatives, especially the relatives from his wife's side, to family gatherings.

He travels across Greater Jakarta over many days to visit them individually.

"It's terribly exhausting," commented Sitorus.

Bachelors regret they can't spend long with their lovers. People who have cars and phones can often visit and communicate with their loved ones. Those without must be satisfied with infrequent dates and entrust their relationships to survive on the power of love.

"I have a friend who lives in Tangerang and has a girlfriend in Bekasi. If they make a date after office hours, he may leave his girlfriend's house at 10 p.m. and arrive home at midnight," said Boby Arinto, a marketing agency's employee.

Maybe they should glance at the person standing beside them on the bus tomorrow.