Children Need to Be Heard More Than They Need to Be Advised, Here’s Why, According to a Psychologist

In the midst of ever-faster communication habits in the digital era, many parents unconsciously tend to give advice rather than truly listen to their children. In fact, the ability to listen is one of the key factors in building healthy relationships within the family. Theresia Novi Poespita Candra, S.Psi., M.Si., Ph.D., a psychologist from Universitas Gadjah Mada, says that children do not always require solutions or advice every time they tell a story. ‘Children do not need to be advised all the time. They need to be listened to,’ Novi said, cited from ANTARA, Kompas (21/5/2026).

According to Novi, many parents nowadays, without realising it, have communication problems because they are not used to listening or engaging in deep dialogue with others. The habit of communication that is all about being quick and practical causes listening ability to gradually weaken. As a result, when a child starts telling a story, parents tend to hurry to give directions, solutions, or even judge. But for a child, being listened to with full attention can give a sense of security and make them feel valued. The child may feel that their parents do not truly understand their feelings. According to him, this pattern of communication gradually makes the home feel less safe as a place to share. ‘Do not easily counsel because it makes the space unsafe at home,’ he said. When a child feels that every story will end in a lecture or criticism, they tend to remain quiet. In the long term, this condition can strain the emotional bond between parents and child. Conversely, a child who feels heard usually feels more comfortable expressing feelings, opinions, or problems they are facing.