Can etiquette save a nation?
Can etiquette save a nation?
M. Taufiqurrahman, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta
The age-old question about the wellspring of corruption --
whether it is part of human nature or conditioned by
circumstances -- will remain an intellectual debate for years to
come.
But for Mien Rahman Uno the answer to that question is already
clear. It lies in Indonesian folks' disregard of etiquette, a
code that governs the expectations of social behavior,
prescribing and restricting the ways they interact with each
other.
"Most people here, for instance, refuse to queue up,
regardless of the purpose. This is indicative of rampant
corruption. The essence of corruption is the primacy of the end
over means -- people just want to get rich with no sweat," Mien
said.
She gave as another example of dishonesty in society
instances of both average Joes and state officials obtaining
unearned diplomas from uncertified colleges.
"One of the core values in etiquette is the respect for human
endeavors," Mien said.
The self-proclaimed etiquette campaigner added that
codes of ethics were not merely concerned with trivialities, such
as where a silver spoon was placed or the correct way for a
"lady" to sit, but served the purpose of teaching people to be
upstanding citizens.
Unlike social commentators, who could be accused of sitting
back as society crumbled due to a lack of etiquette and ethics,
Mien decided to take the plunge and promote good behavior through
a variety of means.
For starters, earlier this month Mien launched a book titled
Etiket: Sukses membawa diri di segala kesempatan (Etiquette: The
key to good behavior on every occasion), a comprehensive list of
dos and don'ts that teaches readers everything from "breaking the
ice" to dress codes for specific functions.
The book, which took Mien almost 10 years to finish, draws on
her 40 years' experience in teaching etiquette. Although she
boasted that her experience could in fact fill another 100
volumes.
Designed as a promotional exercise to support book sales, Mien
will soon embark on a nationwide tour to teach etiquette to the
most "unlikely of subjects".
First, she will visit eight locations in Jakarta for the
program.
The book, published by publishing giant Gramedia Pustaka
Utama, will also be distributed for free to selected school
libraries in the country.
Writing the book and familiarizing people with its contents
are but two of Mien's attempts at revolutionizing society.
On April 2001, after years of service at the John Robert
Powers modeling school, Mien founded the Duta Bangsa school, a
school of public relations that offers training in various areas,
from public speaking to television and radio emcee-ing.
It was with this institution that Mien struck a deal recently
with the Ministry of Home Affairs for a project designed to teach
etiquette to new civil servants and their spouses.
Mien was hopeful that the program would do wonders for civil
servants -- who are notorious for their rule-breaking habits.
"We have long been regarded as having a tradition that highly
regards individual piety, but where have all the time-honored
traditions gone now," Mien mused.
Forty years of learning and practicing western-style etiquette
has given Mien enough credentials to be considered Indonesia's
queen of etiquette.
She is known to pull up people for their bad manners in daily
life, so that even friends and family might quickly rehearse
before approaching her.
"Whenever I run into friends or colleagues at a party, or any
function, at first they hesitate -- and when they do approach,
the first question might be `Mien am I dressed correctly for this
function' or `Is this right way to place my spoon'," Mien said,
chuckling.
Such notoriety has also earned her a reputation as an expert
that could turn people with unruly behavior into friendly and
etiquette-abiding individuals.
Duta Bangsa has enrolled, for instance, a whiny and
misbehaving granny as well as a pushy and demanding husband, Mien
said.
"We accepted them, and we managed to make them into nice and
cooperative people -- speedily, to the surprise of their
families," she said, in an interview at her spacious and elegant
house in the leafy and upmarket Kebayoran Baru.
Mien's preoccupation with etiquette in her adult life seems to
have been mapped out in early childhood.
Born Rachmini Rahman 64 years ago in Indramayu, West Java to a
family of teachers, Mien was trained from an early age to
respect discipline.
She is the younger sibling of a teacher and renowned
educationist Arif Rahman. Another sibling is Rashid Rahman, the
man responsible for the Indonesian subtitles for almost all
Hollywood films imported here, whose name always appears before
the credits roll.
Mien is also a big fan of Hollywood films.
In their childhood years, such pearls of wisdom were displayed
in the Rahman family's house as "don't waste your time" and
"everyone has to be home before dark".
Following in the footsteps of her parents, Mien enrolled at
the teachers training institute (IKIP) in Bandung.