Baby makes two a choice for some Indonesian women
Baby makes two a choice for some Indonesian women
By Tuti Gintini
JAKARTA (JP): Entertainer Lula Kamal knows the very different
worlds of celebrity and medicine.
An actress in several TV soaps and the host of a medical
issues show, she also knows that the phenomenon of Hollywood
actress Jodie Foster giving birth to a child through in vitro
fertilization is not unknown in Indonesia.
She told of the experience of a western male friend, a blue-
eyed ringer for Mel Gibson.
"He said to me, 'well, Indonesian women today are something
else. They are bold enough to ask me to make a sperm donation for
them,'".
Lula, herself a general practitioner, said the man's circle of
friends included a single woman who wished to have a child
without having sexual intercourse. The woman wanted a Caucasian
sperm donor because she believed it would provide better
offspring, with blue eyes and blond hair.
"But the western man said no. He didn't want to donate his
sperm just like that because for him it was a spiritual issue,
having to do with the birth of a child," Lula said.
Another celebrity, who did not want her name used, recounted a
similar story.
She told of a young woman friend -- pretty, with a thriving
career and well-to-do -- who decided she wanted to have a child
but was not interested in getting married. She did not want to
share her life with a man.
After reading of Foster's experience, she traveled to
countries in Europe as well as to the United States to register
for in vitro fertilization programs. She said the woman was
rejected because she was not a citizen of the countries.
Lula believed such cases were still rare in the country
because most women held firm to religious teachings and
traditional values.
Psychologist from the University of Indonesia Yati Utoyo Lubis
acknowledged that religion and cultural dictates remained a
controlling force in the lives of Indonesian women.
She said single mothers using in vitro fertilization or
deliberately getting pregnant outside of marriage could not be
termed a trend.
"But about whether news of it is coming out, becoming
commonplace, yes it is, because our society is becoming more
open," Yati said.
Hitting the headlines in recent weeks was former TV series
actress Zarina, who was sent to jail for drug offenses. She gave
birth to a child in prison without identifying the father.
Another scandal has involved model-actress Sarah Azhari,
younger sister of Ayu Azhari, whose newborn child is at the
center of a dispute between two men, both claiming to be the
father.
Unmarried mom
Among the few women who has publicly acknowledged having a
child outside of marriage by choice is 27-year-old designer
Kanaya Tabita, who gave birth to a son four months ago.
"I chose to take care of my baby by myself and I did not want
to get married to my boyfriend," she said.
She added the decision was made with a full realization of the
responsibilities entailed. "It's not that I'm a great feminist
but I did not feel ready to share my life with a man in the bond
of marriage."
Kanaya believed that marriage was not a blanket solution or
guarantee to raising a child. She said she felt more
responsibilities and direction in life in taking care of her son,
with her focus on the happiness of her child.
She said she took great pains in deciding to be a single
mother to provide the best for the future of her child.
"From the time of my pregnancy, I was already looking at both
the psychological and legal risks of being a single mother," she
added.
She plans to tell her son when he is about eight years old
about why she made her decision to raise a child alone. She
believed her reasons -- to responsibly raise a child and give him
the best of life -- would be understood by the boy.
Kanaya said she would be frank about her status as a single
mother if questions were raised by the school authorities or
about his birth certificate.
She is not worried about the lack of a permanent male figure
in her son's life.
"Well, my son can find a father figure among the people around
him -- his uncles, grandfather and others," she said.
For actress-cum-director Debby Sahertian, there is nothing
wrong with the examples of Foster or Madonna, who gave birth to
her first daughter, Lourdes, without marrying the child's father.
However, she said the decision needed strong motivation and full
reasoning.
"There must be complete readiness and it should be the final
choice, based on the situation and conditions."
Herself 37 and single, Debbie said she did not know if she
would ever consider having a child from in vitro fertilization or
adoption. "I haven't thought about it," she said.
Many entertainers, like model and former MTV veejay Nadya
Hutagulung, dangdut singer Machicha Mochtar, former top photo
model Astrid Darmawan and soap actress Roewina, have never
identified the fathers of their children. Others, like Si Doel
Anak Sekolahan star Suti Karno, remain unmarried but have adopted
children.
Yati said it should not be a problem if women made the choice
to be single parents or adopt on their own. She said the women
possessed their own reasons for making the choice, and society
should not judge them or jump to conclusions about the decision.
Lula, who is also single, said the issue was that children
were children, regardless of whether there was a biological
relationship or they were adopted.
"Every child, irrespective of how they are born, has the right
to the best care," she said.