Baby makes two a choice for some Indonesian women

Baby makes two a choice for some Indonesian women

By Tuti Gintini

JAKARTA (JP): Entertainer Lula Kamal knows the very different worlds of celebrity and medicine.

An actress in several TV soaps and the host of a medical issues show, she also knows that the phenomenon of Hollywood actress Jodie Foster giving birth to a child through in vitro fertilization is not unknown in Indonesia.

She told of the experience of a western male friend, a blue- eyed ringer for Mel Gibson.

"He said to me, 'well, Indonesian women today are something else. They are bold enough to ask me to make a sperm donation for them,'".

Lula, herself a general practitioner, said the man's circle of friends included a single woman who wished to have a child without having sexual intercourse. The woman wanted a Caucasian sperm donor because she believed it would provide better offspring, with blue eyes and blond hair.

"But the western man said no. He didn't want to donate his sperm just like that because for him it was a spiritual issue, having to do with the birth of a child," Lula said.

Another celebrity, who did not want her name used, recounted a similar story.

She told of a young woman friend -- pretty, with a thriving career and well-to-do -- who decided she wanted to have a child but was not interested in getting married. She did not want to share her life with a man.

After reading of Foster's experience, she traveled to countries in Europe as well as to the United States to register for in vitro fertilization programs. She said the woman was rejected because she was not a citizen of the countries.

Lula believed such cases were still rare in the country because most women held firm to religious teachings and traditional values.

Psychologist from the University of Indonesia Yati Utoyo Lubis acknowledged that religion and cultural dictates remained a controlling force in the lives of Indonesian women.

She said single mothers using in vitro fertilization or deliberately getting pregnant outside of marriage could not be termed a trend.

"But about whether news of it is coming out, becoming commonplace, yes it is, because our society is becoming more open," Yati said.

Hitting the headlines in recent weeks was former TV series actress Zarina, who was sent to jail for drug offenses. She gave birth to a child in prison without identifying the father.

Another scandal has involved model-actress Sarah Azhari, younger sister of Ayu Azhari, whose newborn child is at the center of a dispute between two men, both claiming to be the father.

Unmarried mom

Among the few women who has publicly acknowledged having a child outside of marriage by choice is 27-year-old designer Kanaya Tabita, who gave birth to a son four months ago.

"I chose to take care of my baby by myself and I did not want to get married to my boyfriend," she said.

She added the decision was made with a full realization of the responsibilities entailed. "It's not that I'm a great feminist but I did not feel ready to share my life with a man in the bond of marriage."

Kanaya believed that marriage was not a blanket solution or guarantee to raising a child. She said she felt more responsibilities and direction in life in taking care of her son, with her focus on the happiness of her child.

She said she took great pains in deciding to be a single mother to provide the best for the future of her child.

"From the time of my pregnancy, I was already looking at both the psychological and legal risks of being a single mother," she added.

She plans to tell her son when he is about eight years old about why she made her decision to raise a child alone. She believed her reasons -- to responsibly raise a child and give him the best of life -- would be understood by the boy.

Kanaya said she would be frank about her status as a single mother if questions were raised by the school authorities or about his birth certificate.

She is not worried about the lack of a permanent male figure in her son's life.

"Well, my son can find a father figure among the people around him -- his uncles, grandfather and others," she said.

For actress-cum-director Debby Sahertian, there is nothing wrong with the examples of Foster or Madonna, who gave birth to her first daughter, Lourdes, without marrying the child's father. However, she said the decision needed strong motivation and full reasoning.

"There must be complete readiness and it should be the final choice, based on the situation and conditions."

Herself 37 and single, Debbie said she did not know if she would ever consider having a child from in vitro fertilization or adoption. "I haven't thought about it," she said.

Many entertainers, like model and former MTV veejay Nadya Hutagulung, dangdut singer Machicha Mochtar, former top photo model Astrid Darmawan and soap actress Roewina, have never identified the fathers of their children. Others, like Si Doel Anak Sekolahan star Suti Karno, remain unmarried but have adopted children.

Yati said it should not be a problem if women made the choice to be single parents or adopt on their own. She said the women possessed their own reasons for making the choice, and society should not judge them or jump to conclusions about the decision.

Lula, who is also single, said the issue was that children were children, regardless of whether there was a biological relationship or they were adopted.

"Every child, irrespective of how they are born, has the right to the best care," she said.