7 Skills Parents Must Teach Their Children to Help Them Succeed

Parenting is not only about meeting a child’s physical needs but also about equipping them with life skills that shape their character and future. Parents play a role in teaching core values that help children grow up not only academically intelligent but also emotionally and socially mature.

Child psychologist Michele Borba identifies seven skills that children need to have resilience, to compete in social life, to have self-awareness, and to not give up easily. Borba says these are markers and resources that will contribute to their success.

Here are the seven skills that successful children possess:

1. Self-confidence

According to Borba, many parents equate self-esteem with self-confidence. As a result, many tell their children, ‘You’re special,’ or ‘You can become anything you want.’ In fact, there is little evidence that self-esteem alone raises academic success or happiness. Studies show that most successful children are those who believe in their effort and abilities. Usually, self-confidence stems from the child succeeding at something, facing obstacles, devising solutions, and standing up for themselves. Borba warns that meddling too much or doing the child’s homework for them can make them think, ‘They (the parents) don’t believe I can do this.’

2. Empathy

There are three types of empathy: affective empathy (sharing others’ feelings and feeling their emotions), behavioural empathy (compassion that motivates one to act), and cognitive empathy (understanding another’s thoughts and putting oneself in their position). There are several ways to cultivate children’s empathy:

1. Introduce different emotions, such as happiness, annoyance, anger, and sadness;

2. Encourage children to recognise and express the emotions they experience;

3. Give children opportunities to express their feelings in constructive ways by providing examples;

4. Encourage children to discuss others’ feelings, for instance, asking, ‘In your view, how would that person feel? Have you ever felt that way?’

5. Self-control

One of the keys to a child’s success is the ability to regulate attention, emotions, thoughts, actions, and desires. Borba says one way to teach self-control is to give signals or prompts. For example:

1. ‘If you’re angry, count to ten before you answer’;

2. ‘If you’re unsure, pause. Then think and calm down’;

3. ‘Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want to hear from others, okay?’

4. Integrity

Integrity, comprising beliefs, capabilities, attitudes, and skills, helps a child recognise and do good things. Giving children space to develop their identity is important so they grow into people who are successful. One way to build integrity is to acknowledge and praise the child’s behaviour so they realise that their parents value them. Borba says, use the word ‘because’ to help children understand why their behaviour is good.

5. Curiosity

Curiosity symbolises the desire to explore new and challenging events for children. Borba suggests that parents can use simple objects to prompt a child’s curiosity, such as paint, string, paper, and popsicle sticks. Then let the child explore with those items. In addition to objects, parents can spark curiosity by asking questions, such as ‘Shall we see what happens?’, ‘What do you think?’, ‘Wow, how did you know that?’

6. Perseverance

Perseverance helps children endure when situations are challenging. Ways to foster perseverance include helping them recognise mistakes and encouraging them to break tasks into smaller parts so the work becomes easier. This keeps children motivated to work hard and finish what they start, even when faced with many obstacles.

7. Optimism

‘Optimistic children view challenges and obstacles as temporary and solvable, which makes them more likely to become successful,’ Borba notes. Parents should model optimism first before teaching it to their children, because children adopt their parents’ optimism.