Women often silent in the face of domestic violence
Women often silent in the face of domestic violence
By Gedsiri Suhartono
JAKARTA (JP): That morning, Nita (not her real name) came to
work with two black eyes for the third time since she began
working here last year.
"I slipped on the bathroom floor again," she told her
coworkers. One colleague, who was observant enough to notice her
bluff, took Nita out to lunch and inadvertently asked her if she
had been beaten by her husband. After being persuaded that her
colleague knew of others with similar stories, Nita gave in.
"It really isn't that bad. He only hits me every few months,"
she sobbed.
Such is a typical response from victims of domestic abuse.
Their hesitancy to reveal even the slightest hint of their
suffering is largely due to society's general tendency to blame
the victim, mostly women involved in heterosexual relationships,
for being battered by their male partners.
A Canadian study found that one out of 10 women suffers from
domestic violence perpetrated by their partners. More than two
million women are battered in the United States annually, while
1.5 to three million children witness the scenario.
In our society, domestic abuse, a daily occurrence in many
people's lives, is scarcely heard of. Infrequent mention of the
occurrence, however, does not mean that no abuse takes place in
many homes. Be they shanties or beautiful mansions, affairs that
take place within are supposed to be free from outside
intervention.
Moreover, the unabated malady is "supported" by the stigma
that hallows the legal and sacred institution of marriage.
Couples must work through foibles in their marriages without any
outside interference.
Most victims of domestic abuse feel alone in their
tribulations and opt to withhold their grievances instead of
bearing the risk of being condemned for not being "good" to their
spouse by revealing family "secrets".
Society's disposition of burdening women with the sole
responsibility of homemaker -- measured with the husband's
yardstick -- worsens the domestic violence calamity. Battered
women, having lost all self-confidence, blame themselves for
making mistakes and feel they deserve to be hit by their
partners.
Domestic abuse, according to Elli N. Hasbianto from the
Yogyakarta-based Rifka Annisa Women's Crisis Center, is a
poignant form of human rights violation committed through acts of
discrimination against women.
Elli told a national seminar on "Protecting Women from Sexual
Harassment and Violence" held in Yogyakarta last year, that at
the root of domestic abuse are the deeply embedded patriarchal
values that give credence to men's superiority over women, a
fertile ground for rampant practices of discrimination and
violence against women.
According to Elli, the perceived power gap that exists in
heterosexual relationships, where men are endowed with more
"power", has resulted in some men treating women as their
property and meting out punishment according to their standard of
"decency".
Endah Nurdiana from the recently established Rumah Ibu Crisis
Center told The Jakarta Post that most societies consider beating
women every now and then as a daily fact of life.
"It is not confined to any particular culture. It happens in
nearly every country. Unfortunately, it is considered taboo to
expose the incidents," she said.
Myra Diarsi, a psychologist and women's rights activist,
reinforced Elli's opinion by saying that women are afflicted by
various forms of gender-based violence in all areas of their
lives, including in the family, home, society, workplace, public
places and on the streets. This phenomenon, she added, should be
understood within the cultural, social, economic and political
bounds which give men privileges over women, who have always been
regarded as men's possessions in need of protection.
Causes
There are various issues considered capable of igniting
domestic abuse. Among them are misinterpretation of religious
teachings, which stipulate men's control over women, as well as
the belief that women are economically and socially dependent on
men.
Being the privileged ones, some men can justify their abuse of
women to ensure their spouse's obedience and loyalty. When a man
abuses a woman emotionally, he continuously puts her down, makes
her feel bad about herself, calls her names, makes her think
she's crazy, plays mind games and humiliates her.
A woman is economically abused when she is prevented from
getting or keeping a job, has to ask for money, and does not know
about the family's income or how to obtain access to it.
If the man is the one who continuously makes the big
decisions, acts like the king around the home and is the only one
who defines gender roles, he is abusing his partner.
The most obvious form of abuse is physical violence, which
escalates in degrees of severity. The pre-battering stage
includes verbal abuse, hitting, throwing and breaking objects,
and making threats. At the severe level, a man might choke a
woman, beat her with objects or rape her. There are two kinds of
rape in domestic violence: with weapons and through the woman's
submission out of fear of being beaten had she refused sex.
Statistics show that one out of three women in a battering
relationship is raped.
Physical abuse goes through a particular repetitive cycle
which comprises periods of battering, apologizing, honeymooning
and tranquility.
Domestic abuse is not limited exclusively to married couples.
Unmarried couples are also vulnerable to domestic abuse. A man's
overdomineering acts such as obsessive jealously and suspicion
may be early indications of a future spouse batterer.
Honeymoon
According to Myra, it is during the honeymoon period that the
batterer tries hard to convince the victim not to leave the
relationship by giving the impression that they would start anew
and toss the painful past behind.
The worse the battering gets, the shorter the honeymoon period
is, Myra said, adding that many women are somehow convinced that
their partners made mistakes and really regretted their misdeeds
this time. Many victims, unfortunately, fall into the seduction
of being socially "secure" by being in the relationships and
continue to be caught in the vicious circle.
Battered women suffer physical and mental problems as a result
of domestic violence. Studies in the United States revealed that
battering is the single major cause of injury to women, more
significant than auto accidents, rapes or muggings. The emotional
and psychological abuse may actually be more costly to treat in
the short term, compared to physical injury. The World Bank cited
that women lost 9.5 years of healthy living resulting from the
sufferings inflicted by rapes and domestic violence. There has
not been any thorough studies conducted on the long-term effects
of domestic violence.
Considering the ill-fate that befalls many women, it is
perplexing to an outsider that many of them remain in abusive
relationships. Leaving, apparently, is not as easy as packing
one's clothes and belongings. Many women are lured by the
possibility that their partner finally "got it right" this time
while they hope that the honeymoon period will last for eternity.
Those with children, for example, would vow to persevere for
their sake in order to have a healthy family. Few women realize
that the cycle of abuse will continue. Not even separation will
put an end to it.
The U.S. Department of Justice cited that about 75 percent of
domestic assaults reported to law enforcement agencies were
inflicted following a couple's separation.
Given the range of abuse, experts have warned that everyone is
prone to becoming involved in abusive relationships. Social,
economic and cultural backgrounds are not major factors in
instances of abuse.
It occurs across cultures and exceeds one's economic and
educational background. Most unexplained cases of abuse happen in
society's middle to upper class. Many of the abuser husbands are
reportedly public figures with impeccable reputations, Dinny
Jusuf, also from Rumah Ibu, told the Post.
According to Dinny, it is more difficult for the wounded birds
in their golden cages to release themselves from the confinement
of domestic abuse and seek help because they think they are alone
and fear they would jeopardize their social status if they
revealed their predicament.
Some believe that women of the low-income bracket are
perceived as more "equipped" to cope with domestic abuse because
they are generally not economically dependent on their husbands,
many are actually the family breadwinner.
Their primordial communal habit fosters certain degrees of
sharing stories with neighbors and they are less hesitant to
retaliate against indecent treatment.
Many women activists believe that reported occurrences of
domestic abuse that are disregarded are a part of state violence
and discrimination committed against women. There are no
statistics on the issue to enable legal action to be taken
against the perpetrator.
"Domestic abuse is considered a private affair. People and law
enforcers refuse to interfere," Endah said, adding that women
should feel fortunate if they are not laughed at when they file a
report.
Recounting their experiences of accompanying clients, both
Endah and Myra said law enforcer's respond pathetically to
reports on domestic violence. It is treated as a joke. "Bruises
are not convincing enough to doctors or the police as evidence of
domestic violence," Endah told the Post.
Officers would suggest that a woman return home and try to
work things out, or refuse to file the complaint altogether for
lack of a witness and evidence.
"Alleviation of the power and gender disparities might
eliminate women's plight," Myra said.
It might take a while before the cry is heard. Women will
continue shedding tears in silence until both men and women
realize that women, and all human beings, do not deserve any form
of abuse. It is not an acceptable, justified, natural, day to day
practice, regardless of thousands of years of practice.