Why Families Must Investigate Their Child's Partner's Background

Psychologist Tika Bisono has highlighted the crucial role of family and close acquaintances in minimising cases of domestic or personal violence, following the case of a woman identified as YTR (29) who was held captive and abused by her boyfriend for three years. When found, YTR had a cut on her upper lip from scissors, scars from blows to her hands and feet, and eyesight that was threatened with blindness.

Bisono said parents must be more sensitive if their child suddenly becomes difficult to contact or exhibits behavioural changes after entering a new relationship. ‘So if they go missing or their behaviour changes, don’t just stay silent. The family must care; if they disappear and are hard to reach, immediately make an announcement on social media, on the radio, and then report it to the police,’ she said when contacted by Republika on Tuesday (23/6/2026).

She also stressed the important role parents play in assessing their child’s new partner. Families are advised to ask about everything from the partner’s education and employment to their circle of friends. ‘If necessary, interrogate them. Where did they go to university, are they working yet, who are their friends? It’s important, just like on Facebook, there’s the term mutual friends—oh, they’re also friends with so-and-so. That way we know,’ she said.

Bisono emphasised that such steps are not a form of meddling in private affairs, but rather a form of family concern for a member’s safety. She warned that indifference could lead to someone becoming trapped in a dangerous relationship. In YTR’s case, the victim reportedly met the perpetrator while watching a music concert in the city of Bandung. Bisono reminded women not to place full trust in someone they have only just met. ‘Because that person is a stranger, so we shouldn’t trust them immediately and shouldn’t open up completely right away,’ she said.