When Parental Affection Turns into a Character Boomerang

Parental affection is often measured by how far parents go to protect their children. Yet, behind this lies a crucial question: what if that protection actually prevents children from learning about consequences, responsibility, and moral boundaries? This question has resurfaced following the case of Taufik Hidayat, a suspect in the confinement and abuse of a woman in West Java. The case shocked the public not only due to the level of violence but also because of revelations about the perpetrator’s childhood. According to various media reports citing family members, Taufik was often spoilt from a young age and was frequently defended by his father in conflicts, regardless of whether he was right or wrong. His father even admitted that Taufik was the favourite child in the family; whatever he wanted was given, and several aggressive behaviours were exhibited long before this major case occurred. Of course, no single factor can explain why someone becomes a violent offender. Humans are complex beings, and character is shaped by many variables such as social environment, peer associations, education, economic conditions, life experiences, and psychological factors. However, parenting style remains the first foundation upon which a child learns to understand the world. This case reminds us that bad character rarely emerges suddenly; it usually grows slowly, finds space, and then develops without adequate correction. In developmental psychology, children learn right from wrong through processes and consequences. When they make a mistake, they receive correction; when they break a rule, they face the repercussions. From this process, self-control, empathy, and responsibility grow. The real problem arises when every mistake is constantly justified. A child who is always defended receives a hidden message that they are always right. They do not learn self-reflection because their environment provides justification before they can even acknowledge the fault. Over time, a belief emerges that rules only apply to others. In psychological studies, this phenomenon is known as overindulgent parenting. Parents often think they are showing love, but what is actually happening is the removal of the child’s opportunity to learn to face reality. Children raised in such conditions often struggle to accept criticism, easily blame others, have a low tolerance for frustration, and tend to react aggressively when their desires are not met. The issue of overindulgent parenting is not confined to specific families. Around us, many parents unconsciously respond similarly. When a child fights at school, the parent looks for fault in the other party. When a teacher reprimands the child, the parent attacks the teacher. When a child fails, a scapegoat is always prepared. When a child breaks a rule, the violation is considered normal because ‘they are still a child.’ Many of us defend a child not because they are right, but because we cannot bear to see them suffer the consequences of their own mistakes. Yet, society needs individuals who can admit fault, not individuals who constantly seek justification. The habit of blindly defending a child is not protecting them from pain; rather, parents are merely postponing a life lesson that will one day arrive in a much harsher form. The real world does not operate like a home that always forgives. Out there, there are laws, social norms, and non-negotiable consequences. A child who has never fallen will not know how to get up when they do. True affection is not about erasing every consequence a child must face; it is about helping the child understand why that consequence exists. Good parents are not those who always stand in front of their child to shield them from mistakes, but those who stand beside their child as they learn to correct their mistakes. As parents, we must remember that defending a child when they are right is an obligation, but defending a child when they are wrong is the beginning of a problem. Character is not formed by praise alone, but also by the ability to accept correction. A child accustomed to taking responsibility for their actions will grow into a more emotionally mature individual. Conversely, a child always freed from consequences risks carrying that attitude into adulthood. Ultimately, the Taufik Hidayat case serves as a mirror for society regarding the importance of parenting in character formation. Not every spoilt child will become a violent offender, but it is almost certain that a child who never learns responsibility will struggle to become a mature person. Amid a culture that often glorifies the idea that ‘the child is king,’ we need to remember that the goal of parenting is not to make children perpetually happy, but to prepare them to live as moral, empathetic, and responsible human beings. Society does not need a generation that is always defended; it needs a generation capable of admitting mistakes, improving themselves, and respecting the boundaries of humanity—and all those lessons are first taught at home. Loving a child is easy; what makes it difficult is everything else.