'Weighty' issues of our conversations

JAKARTA (JP): When I was in the Netherlands last month, people were still talking about the heat wave they had experienced the month before.

When I went to the Saturday open air market, I had to listen to the same old story of the temperature hitting 40 degrees Celsius, over and over again at every stand: the fish vendor, the butcher, the dairy man and even the Vietnamese selling egg rolls.

I would probably have done the same if I had lived there. For most Dutch, the sentence said in a happy tone: "Isn't the weather nice?", or the one expressed in a grumpy bark: "Huh, terrible weather!" have become national greetings.

Weather is a nice topic to talk about in the Netherlands because it seems to be only thing that is unpredictable. The trains and other public transportation arrive on time and at the exact spot where people wait.

The first class stops at a designated point and the second class follows suit. Nothing is left to chance.

Their airline is known for its punctuality. Their land is divided into precise rectangles, and the tulips that grow there look like carpets of solid colors: yellow, red, or white. No yellow tulip would dare to stray into the red areas, and no white tulip would dare to trespass in the yellow one.

But the weather, well that's different. Even the weather forecasts are not exactly right every time. And that is why the orderly Dutch have chosen it as a favorite topic to start a conversation.

What do Indonesians say after the greetings Selamat pagi (Good morning) or Apa kabar? (How are you?)

Actually, there is a lot to talk about. In recent years the traffic jams in Jakarta may have become a favorite topic, because after you say Apa kabar, you may have to explain why you are not on time.

You tell how terrible the traffic was, how the cars were stuck at a junction and how you finally managed to get out. Or sometimes you may have to apologize for arriving early because the ride was unexpectedly smooth!

The tragic death of Diana, Princess of Wales, and the passing of Mother Theresa may still be favorite topics. The first one is likely spiced with the gossip that the poor princess had to endure during her life. Especially now that a revised biography has been released, allegedly including excerpts of interviews with her.

Even the prolonged dry season and the haze may be topics to talk about, for these two events have made the front pages of newspapers in the U.S. and Europe.

Yet our ladies seem to have just one favorite sentence when they meet each other.

I was at a wedding reception when I saw a group of ladies greeting one woman with hugs and kisses. This lady had just come back from a trip to Europe which had included a cruise in the Black Sea.

She was wearing a smashing new dress and also jewelry, obviously from Paris. Did the ladies ask about the trip? Did they admire the dress or the jewelry?

Instead, I heard Ibu (Mrs.) Aida saying: "I can see that you have enjoyed your holiday, you are fatter now!" and, turning to another, she solicited approval of her judgment.

"Yes," Ibu Nani joined in. "She certainly has gained weight!"

"Did you?" Aida asked insistently, obviously hungering for an affirmative answer.

"Well, in fact, I didn't," the woman replied. "I just weighed myself and I actually lost weight."

"Oh, impossible, you look so well, so fresh and healthy!"

I looked on amused. I am used to these kind of remarks and was happy that I was not the victim this time. Unwittingly, these ladies were acting out their aggression. The victim has no possibility to escape.

You may be dressed according to the nines, you may be wearing Bulgari jewelry and Escada's latest design, but you are fat and that's that.

My Dutch friend had sought refuge in a corner, dissolved in a fit of laughter.

"What's wrong?" I wondered, "They were just praising each other for their good health, they are rich and, therefore, they must show that their husbands feed them well!"

"I know," my friend said, "But I could not help feeling like I was in a farmer's market, listening to farmers appraising their cattle."

-- Myra Sidharta