Urban living takes toll on family and married life

Urban living takes toll on family and married life

JAKARTA (JP): Living in urban areas is exacting a heavy toll
on family life -- in the form of deteriorating parent-children
relations, and in higher divorce rates, experts say.

Speakers at a seminar on family communication in metropolitan
cities said Saturday that many parents and children in big cities
do not communicate as effectively as they should, and the same
goes for married couples.

Communication breakdown is more prevalent in families where
both parents work, psychologist Yaumil C.A. Achir said.

Unfortunately, there is no substitute for a parental role in
communicating with children or in raising them, according to the
professor and former dean of the School of Psychology of the
University of Indonesia.

"More than ever, today's children need parental guidance to
help them through the many social and cultural changes that are
taking place in big cities," she said, stressing that parental
guidance is essential in building children's characters.

The seminar at the Wisata International Hotel was organized by
the Center for Architecture and Urban Studies and the Social
Problem Assessment Group.

Wealthier families are most vulnerable to communication
breakdown, Yaumil said.

Typically, in a wealthy family, everyone has his or her own
room, drives his or her own car, and has facilities that make
them independent of the others, she said. "As a result, they
don't communicate much with one another."

"Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings," she said,
adding it also leads to greater individualism and self-righteous
attitude.

Yaumil's recipe to overcome this problem is that families have
to learn to communicate with one another, appreciate each other's
sensitivities, and never let anger shut out communication.

Another speaker, Paulus Wirutomo, a staff lecturer at the
University of Indonesia's School of Social and Political Science,
said increasing communication breakdowns have also led to a
higher divorce rate among urban couples.

In the old days, marriage was founded on various
considerations such as economic interests and social status.

Today, people marry solely because of love and this is subject
to lapses of communication breakdowns, said Paul, an advisor at
the Social Problem Assessment Group.

His recipe for overcoming communication breakdown is for
married couples to spend as much time together as possible. (ste)