The roles of husbands and wives changed

The roles of husbands and wives changed

By Myra Sidharta

JAKARTA (JP): She works in an office, he takes their son to school. Together they are a fine American couple. When she comes home from the office they do the cooking together. He has done the shopping and everything else a housewife would normally do. Everything is normal in the household, except that the roles are reversed. In his spare time he does the gardening. His love of the garden, with its many vegetables and flowers, makes the situation becomes more bearable for him.

Miscommunication caused the role reversal. When Ella was offered a very good job in the city they move to in Ohio, Ron, an industrial designer, was given the hope of a job too. However, once there, there was no job available.

"This is not my first choice," he said. "But now that I am thrown into it, I will make the best of it. I don't want Ella to feel guilty about going out to work and leaving the household chores to me. After all, she does a lot at home after office. She is a very good cook and always helps me take care of the cooking."

Role reversals are more and more common now in the United States and Europe. Women are an important part of the labor market and sometimes chose a job that is more in demand. It is also possible that their job pays better. Sometimes both work, but the pay the wife gets may be higher than that of the husband. But if both the husband and wife can accept the situation and adjust their tasks, it may work out very well. Otherwise this situation may destroy the harmony in a household.

The most difficult part, according to Ron, is the attitude of the women he must deal with, like those he shares a car pool with. Some women avoid him, thinking that he is a good-for- nothing who must rely on his wife. They think that she has married beneath her class, so that they avoid her too. Some others think he is effeminate and therefore leaves the male role to his wife. But more and more people realize that Ron has been forced assume this role because of recession and unemployment.

The stereotype that men go out to work and women stay at home to do the household chores and look after the children was formed when men would go out hunting or go to the fields to farm the land. They would bring back the catch or the harvest for the family. When people were no longer dependent on farming and hunting, men would go to the factories or offices and bring back their monthly wages.

Psychoanalysts translate this act as a sexual act, phenomenologists interpret this act as a demonstration of power by the husband towards his wife. Because wives were not able to work outside the home, it was generally assumed that men were in fact more powerful because they had money. Many males may see themselves as failures when they are not the dominant financial figure at home. On the other hand, traditional women didn't strive to earn more money, or even become more successful in life, for fear of losing the love of their spouses.

Emancipation and feminism have changed the roles of husband and wife. Wives want to work and many households still have double incomes. The recession in the early 1980s caused another change: Many men were laid-off and became jobless, while their wives continued to work. The more realistic people accepted this situation and took over the role of running the house.

The scene is different in Indonesia. Traditionally, Javanese men didn't work. They just hung around until it was time to reap the harvest. After World War II Indonesians started to work in offices. Since inflation soared they very soon realized that the wives had to work as well. Some women then started to show their entrepreneurial talents. Many started beauty salons in their houses, others sold food or goods from the rural areas. People preferred the eggs from the village, which they said tasted better. The batik that was sold at the homes of friends was of better quality and the prices were much lower than those found in the shops. Women who were good cooks started small catering businesses while others made money by growing orchids.

The women soon became the major income earners. The money they made covered the household expenses and the education of the children, whereas the husbands kept their earnings as pocket money. Many Indonesian university graduates have their mothers to thank for making their education possible.

However, these mothers have seldom claimed this tribute. They have often attributed their own success to the participation and understanding of their husbands. In fact, many husbands have indeed had an active share in their wives' entrepreneurial success.

One husband helped his wife with her batik industry. She was an outstanding designer from the right family but was unable to manage her business. With the help of her husband the business flourished and she had no more difficulties exporting her batik overseas.

It was different with another lady who ran a beauty salon. Her husband also helped her in the business and because he was a chemist they made their own cosmetics which she sold in their salon. They soon realized they were running a multi-million rupiah business. To keep in touch with the latest hairstyles and cosmetic trends, she had to travel often. The husband would stay at home, claiming that he did not like to travel and that he had to supervise the business. Later she discovered that her husband had taken one of her beauticians as his second wife and even had children with her. He felt inferior to his overseas trained wife who had a broader outlook on life. His new wife was younger and because of her lower level of education, he did not feel in constant competition. They decided to divorce and although she lost her manager and financial advisor, she felt that she was free in a number of choices. She was not restricted to the use of their home-made cosmetics and was able to use the more popular international brands. She was also free to travel for longer training sessions and was therefore able to upgraded her salon to international standards.

The needs of each individual dictate how the situation will work. Most problems arise when the husbands feel they are losing the competition. But if they can see it realistically and accept their situation, they feel fine.

Because almost every household in Indonesia has a servant, men can maintain their macho image even as househusbands. Moreover, Indonesian women don't always judge their partners' worth by money alone. The lowly paid civil servant may have a high position, which adds to the wife's image in public life. Or, if he is attached to a university, he might be a hard-working learned man, something she may be proud of. Recognizing a husband's position, as Ella does with Ron, may add to his self- image and he will not see himself as a failure even though he isn't the dominant financial figure.