Sociologist Says Parental Burnout Triggered by Systemic Pressures, Not Just Fatigue

JAKARTA, KOMPAS.com - Economic demands, long working hours, and high parenting expectations cause many urban families to live under nearly relentless pressure, leading to parental burnout. In this condition, fatigue in raising children is no longer temporary but an ongoing accumulation. Professor of Sociology of Education at Universitas Airlangga, Tuti Budirahayu, views this phenomenon as inseparable from broader social contexts. “Parental burnout is not only caused by fast-paced rhythms, high living costs, and long working hours, but also by extreme fatigue in raising children,” said Tuti when contacted by Kompas.com on Monday (20/4/2026). When they return home, they still have to fulfil equally intensive parenting roles, but with diminished physical and mental conditions. This makes the parenting process no longer run optimally. In such situations, parents often lack space to recover. Time that should be a break is instead filled with domestic responsibilities. “Because of busyness and time already spent working, parents feel completely drained of energy when they get home,” she said. This condition directly impacts the quality of relationships between parents and children. When time together decreases, emotional closeness also erodes. Interactions become more functional than relational. As a result, communication between parents and children becomes stiffer and more mechanical. Parents are more often in a position of directing rather than building closeness. “Emotional distance from children because parents devote more time to work, so emotional closeness with children decreases,” said Tuti. “As a result, interactions with children become rigid and mechanical (often giving orders, prohibitions, etc.), and children tend to distance themselves from parents,” she continued. On the other hand, this condition also gives rise to feelings of incompetence in parents. They feel unable to perform their roles maximally due to time and energy limitations. “Thus, feelings of guilt, failure, and inability to carry out the role as a parent well emerge,” said Tuti. From a sociological perspective, this pressure is intensified by changes in family structure. The transition from extended families to nuclear families concentrates the parenting burden on fathers and mothers. Support that previously came from extended families is now increasingly limited, so parents must rely on themselves in raising children. This change also makes modern families more individualistic. Parenting responsibilities are no longer shared collectively but become personal responsibilities within the small household. “Indeed, it cannot be denied that modern families tend to become nuclear families and more individualistic, where child-rearing responsibilities become an individual burden (husband and wife), not the extended family anymore,” said Tuti. In such conditions, many mothers take on dual roles as workers and caregivers. However, domestic roles are often carried out in a state of fatigue. The energy left after working is not always sufficient to meet ideal parenting needs. According to Tuti, when carrying out domestic roles, the energy devoted is often just the remnants because they are already tired from working all day. This situation triggers feelings of isolation, especially when there is no adequate support in handling all roles alone without help. “That can make mothers frustrated because they feel alone in raising children,” said Tuti. The absence of a support system also encourages alternative solutions, especially for families with economic capacity. Childcare services such as personal nannies or daycare become options to help manage the burden. However, this choice is not always easy because it requires additional costs that are not insignificant. As a result, according to Tuti, families with economic capacity tend to utilise various childcare and education services for their children. “For example, hiring a babysitter, sending children to school before they are even a year old, entrusting children to baby and child daycare, all of that requires considerable costs,” she continued. Parents are not only demanded to be present but also to be perfect in every aspect of parenting. “Ideal parents in the modern era are often portrayed in various social media or digital platforms, and this worsens the social and psychological pressures on parents who choose to live in a nuclear family system,” explained Tuti. In practice, however, such standards are unrealistic. Many parents are still in the learning stage of understanding their roles, both as partners and caregivers. “In fact, perfect and ideal parents (perfect parent) are actually difficult to achieve,” she said. In a sociological framework, Tuti emphasises that parental burnout is more dominantly triggered by external factors. Work systems, economic pressures, and social norms are intertwined elements. One major factor is the inflexible work system. Parents must adjust to rigid rules, even though family conditions require more attention. In this situation, choices often become unbalanced. “In the work world, parents must follow office rules and inflexible working hours whether they like it or not. If violated, the threat of job loss is right in front of them,” said Tuti. On the other hand, the lack of social support further burdens this pressure. Without help from extended families or the surrounding environment, parents must bear the entire parenting burden themselves. “In the social world, the absence of a supporting system (extended family, or help from