Single mom juggles job and home to support son

Single mom juggles job and home to support son

By Bruce Emond

JAKARTA (JP): Nine-month-old Isaiah squeals in delight as his
mother waves him over her head and drapes his tiny frame around
her shoulders.

It is nearly midnight but Ade Juniarti is snatching a few
moments of fun with her child after an exhausting day at the
office.

Ade is going it alone as a single working mother who has
altered her career path to spend more time raising her son.

She may be in a better economic position than many other
single mothers but it is still an uphill struggle. The 23-year-
old confronts ingrained beliefs in Indonesian society on the
importance of two-parent households, which often paint an
idealized portrait of a mother sacrificing her wishes to her
children's upbringing. This is compounded by pervasive
stereotypes denigrating unmarried mothers.

"It is important for me to spend as much time with Isaiah as
possible to make sure he knows he is special," Ade told The
Jakarta Post at her comfortable lodgings, replete with an ensuite
bathroom and swimming pool in the yard, in South Jakarta. "He
does not have a father living with him so it is my responsibility
to show him how much he means to me."

She says she had always planned to have a child by her early
20s "whether or not I was married. I wanted to have a child young
so we could grow up together, so the age gap would not be too
great."

Ade was the only child of parents who taught her from an early
age to be independent. She worked as a teenage deejay at a
Jakarta radio station and later studied for two years at college
in the United States.

Work always figured as part of the equation of her adult life.
"I saw in America that women could work and have a family too. I
knew that was what I wanted to do as well."

Ade was working in a production company and living at home
when she became pregnant. With her boyfriend unwilling to marry
her and facing parental disapproval, she wrestled with thoughts
of having an abortion.

"It is still taboo to have a baby outside of marriage in
Indonesia," she says. "I felt very embarrassed in the first few
months."

She confided in her father, who told her she could remain at
home until the pregnancy began to show. A chance meeting with a
woman who had recently suffered a miscarriage convinced Ade to
keep the baby. A friend agreed to a marriage of convenience to
provide the child with legal certainty.

Ade worked until the day before she went into labor and
returned to a new job, in a moving company, three months later.
She left behind the uncertain hours of the production company for
a regular 9-to-5 position and an office a few minutes from her
home.

Ade employs a live-in maid but tries to perform as many of the
daily caregiving responsibilities as possible. She rises early
each morning to bathe and feed him before heading off to the
office. Here, her first few minutes are spent making a "to do"
list for the day.

She returns to the house during her lunch hour, and is home by
6 p.m. She reads stories to Isaiah before putting him to bed. Her
free hours are spent writing, going out with friends or at
regular bible study groups.

Ade emphasizes quality of time spent with her son over
quantity. "I read to Isaiah, talk to him or teach him how to walk
when I am with him. There are many mothers who stay at home with
their children but they don't know what they are really doing.
Just look at all the kids hanging out in the malls."

She remains estranged from her parents but counts herself
fortunate to have the support of friends and her church. "My
friends have a worldly outlook, and they can show me things that
are happening outside that I do not get to see. They complete me
in that way."

Her faith has also been instrumental in seeing her through the
difficult times and preparing her for whatever lies ahead.
"Sometimes I worry about the future but I know that everything is
part of God's plan. All bad things become good."

Raising a child has changed her priorities in life. "Before I
worked to be able to get money to buy the clothes I wanted, to go
out when I wanted. I can still do that but now I am also
responsible for someone else. Being a mother takes you to another
level."

Ade stresses the importance of work in her life. "I would have
continued working even if I had married. Work gives me a sense of
self-satisfaction and worth. Isaiah will know he is special child
but he must also understand that Mommy has her own private time."