Single mom juggles job and home to support son

By Bruce Emond

JAKARTA (JP): Nine-month-old Isaiah squeals in delight as his mother waves him over her head and drapes his tiny frame around her shoulders.

It is nearly midnight but Ade Juniarti is snatching a few moments of fun with her child after an exhausting day at the office.

Ade is going it alone as a single working mother who has altered her career path to spend more time raising her son.

She may be in a better economic position than many other single mothers but it is still an uphill struggle. The 23-year- old confronts ingrained beliefs in Indonesian society on the importance of two-parent households, which often paint an idealized portrait of a mother sacrificing her wishes to her children's upbringing. This is compounded by pervasive stereotypes denigrating unmarried mothers.

"It is important for me to spend as much time with Isaiah as possible to make sure he knows he is special," Ade told The Jakarta Post at her comfortable lodgings, replete with an ensuite bathroom and swimming pool in the yard, in South Jakarta. "He does not have a father living with him so it is my responsibility to show him how much he means to me."

She says she had always planned to have a child by her early 20s "whether or not I was married. I wanted to have a child young so we could grow up together, so the age gap would not be too great."

Ade was the only child of parents who taught her from an early age to be independent. She worked as a teenage deejay at a Jakarta radio station and later studied for two years at college in the United States.

Work always figured as part of the equation of her adult life. "I saw in America that women could work and have a family too. I knew that was what I wanted to do as well."

Ade was working in a production company and living at home when she became pregnant. With her boyfriend unwilling to marry her and facing parental disapproval, she wrestled with thoughts of having an abortion.

"It is still taboo to have a baby outside of marriage in Indonesia," she says. "I felt very embarrassed in the first few months."

She confided in her father, who told her she could remain at home until the pregnancy began to show. A chance meeting with a woman who had recently suffered a miscarriage convinced Ade to keep the baby. A friend agreed to a marriage of convenience to provide the child with legal certainty.

Ade worked until the day before she went into labor and returned to a new job, in a moving company, three months later. She left behind the uncertain hours of the production company for a regular 9-to-5 position and an office a few minutes from her home.

Ade employs a live-in maid but tries to perform as many of the daily caregiving responsibilities as possible. She rises early each morning to bathe and feed him before heading off to the office. Here, her first few minutes are spent making a "to do" list for the day.

She returns to the house during her lunch hour, and is home by 6 p.m. She reads stories to Isaiah before putting him to bed. Her free hours are spent writing, going out with friends or at regular bible study groups.

Ade emphasizes quality of time spent with her son over quantity. "I read to Isaiah, talk to him or teach him how to walk when I am with him. There are many mothers who stay at home with their children but they don't know what they are really doing. Just look at all the kids hanging out in the malls."

She remains estranged from her parents but counts herself fortunate to have the support of friends and her church. "My friends have a worldly outlook, and they can show me things that are happening outside that I do not get to see. They complete me in that way."

Her faith has also been instrumental in seeing her through the difficult times and preparing her for whatever lies ahead. "Sometimes I worry about the future but I know that everything is part of God's plan. All bad things become good."

Raising a child has changed her priorities in life. "Before I worked to be able to get money to buy the clothes I wanted, to go out when I wanted. I can still do that but now I am also responsible for someone else. Being a mother takes you to another level."

Ade stresses the importance of work in her life. "I would have continued working even if I had married. Work gives me a sense of self-satisfaction and worth. Isaiah will know he is special child but he must also understand that Mommy has her own private time."