Seminar's lively debate on sexual harassment

Seminar's lively debate on sexual harassment

JAKARTA (JP): Before whistling at a women, think about your mother. If you abhor the thought of someone whistling at your revered mother, or beloved sister, then give a second thought before harassing a woman, was one tip raised at a talk on sexual harassment last week.

The public talks at the Trisula Perwari building in Menteng, Central Jakarta were attended by almost 200 men and women.

Anan, one of the men in the audience, made the whistling suggestion.

He said it is the only way out: Men must imagine how they would feel if other men did the same thing, or worse, to a female member in their family.

But a third-year high school student said she disagreed.

"Not every girl has to be a mother," retorted Valens of the Santa Ursula all girls school. It's pointless to glorify mothers for their dedication, "when no one wants to share that glory and help mothers with the washing and scrubbing," she reasoned.

Valens was against judging women as good and bad to determine who was fit to harass. "Rather than remembering your mothers, it would be better to think of women as women," she said.

The lively discussion, held courtesy of the Kalyanamitra women's organization and the new Association of Indonesian Women for Justice, coincided with the commemoration of Women's Day.

Another female participant had a different view.

"I think harassment is on the rise because of the change in the way people appreciate mothers," said Nurbaiti, a medical student.

Mothers, she said, are less respected now than they were in the old days because they are not full-time mothers anymore, which leads to generally less respect for women.

Another participant refuted her argument by saying it was just another example of how Indonesian women keep blaming themselves for trying to show their dedication outside the home.

Participants were also embroiled over the traditional rule for women to watch their conduct.

"Any form of harassment, must have come from some opportunity provided by women," one popular participant insisted.

Others reminded the forum to think about men, too.

"I was harassed once," said a male student from Yogyakarta. "It made me feel very groggy, like Michael Douglas in the Disclosure film." He would not go into detail.

"But does that mean women should think of their fathers when they're about to harass a man?" he asked.

Some participants said they were confused by the debate, which did not thoroughly satisfy them on subtle forms of harassment, and the fact that many who had experienced "unwanted attention" do not speak out.

The organizers had distributed guidelines on actions defined as sexual harassment to help first timers.

Besides physical acts, the list included whistling, constant requests for a date, constant questioning of a woman's sex life, continuously showing women pictures they do not like and "degrading comments (on women's inability) based on stereotypes."

"Too much staring" and "telling dirty jokes to people who feel degraded" were also on the list.

Organizers, including lawyers and researchers, said the event held no pretension of being able to eradicate harassment.

"We hope it will be a small step on the long road to a safer life, and mutual respect between women and men," the brochure stated.

The few women who were invited to share their experiences will at least raise empathy for victims, and add knowledge of what sexual harassment is, lawyer Nursyahbani Katjasungkana said.

One woman described the constraints of bringing charges against a highly respected man, and going through the questioning and hearings only to lose her case.

Criminologist Syarifah Sabaroedin pointed at the "legal dilemma" between sticking to existing laws in which people must press charges, or changing the laws to enable police to act without reports.

If harassment could be acted on by authorities without the need of reporting, this would erase the additional burden of humiliation, she argued.

"Not all women would like their stories to become known to the public," Syarifah said.

"Women of both low and high social status are subject to the myth that they must uphold the family name," she said. (anr)