Random thoughts on mobile phones

Random thoughts on mobile phones

Being American, I had no great awareness about the cellular phone culture until coming to Indonesia. Mobile phones in America have only recently begun to make inroads. Five years ago in America if you had a mobile phone, people would cast sidelong glances at you, assuming you were a drug dealer or involved in some other unsavory business.

Of course, Americans have no idea what they are missing. After my time in Jakarta, I do not think I will ever be able to truly enjoy a movie without someone sitting next to me talking on their cell phone.

I find it surprising that cellular phones are not more prevalent in America. More people have extra income these days thanks to record (I am not really sure if its a record, but it is pretty damn good) unemployment and a bloated stock market. It is hard to be an American these days and not be rolling in the dough.

In addition, Americans are, as everyone knows, extraordinarily self-centered. Or at least I have been told, although to tell you the truth I have always been too busy with myself to notice this, or anything else, about my fellow countrymen.

I think it all began in the first grade when I got a blue ribbon from my teacher for being me. I figured if I got prizes for being me, I must be pretty important. From that point on, I made myself my only priority, spending all of my time thinking about me and how to keep on being me. I have not received another ribbon, but I assume that is a mere oversight, which will be corrected with a proper ceremony and a nice trophy. Something along the lines of the Oscars, the most famous ceremony held for no other reason but to celebrate a group of fabulously wonderful people, who clearly deserve the adulation, having big breasts and fantastic dimples and what have you.

The point I am not really making, so I will just say it, is that I am so happy to have come to Jakarta just for the fact that I am now the proud owner of a cellular phone, something I am sure would not have happened in America.

I remember the first time I used my cell phone in a bar, looking around to see if everyone noticed that I, clearly a very important man, had a mobile phone and was talking to someone on that same phone, no doubt about some urgent, world-shaking matter. But then how could my fellow imbibers have failed to notice me standing up there on the bar.

I was so taken with my new toy that it never left my hand. Some people who met me during these heady days later told me that they thought I was an arrogant ass. I did not take it personally. My mom has told me the same thing many times, and she has never even seen my cell phone.

Soon, however, the novelty wore off and my hand phone became a pocket phone and then a desk drawer phone. This growing disenchantment may have resulted from my sobering recognition that I did not have enough friends or business acquaintances (of which I have none, never having done any business) to justify or make necessary a cellular phone. The one or two calls I received each day were easily handled by my old fixed-line phone, and when that went down for a couple of weeks nobody seemed to notice.

In fact, the only calls I get these days on my mobile are from a semi-psychotic woman who alternates between whispering sweet- nothings in my ear to screaming obscenities and mumbling something about castration. So I asked her to marry me, because I always wanted a girl like mom, or dad for that matter.

But even if you do not get many phone calls, cellular phones are still useful gadgets.

Being able to watch TV on your mobile is really something to look forward to. Just imagine thousands of people speeding down highways and byways holding their mobile phones two inches from their face so they can watch the big game or an Alf rerun. I think this could be a landmark in road mayhem, easily surpassing the chaos caused by people trying to drive while dialing and speaking on their cell phones. It is just so overwhelming to live in an age of wondrous technology that gives us ever more ways to kill ourselves and others.

Personally, I think the next logical step would be a handgun- cellular phone combination. You can always stay in touch, even when holding up a convenience store or shooting suspected drug dealers in the feet, hands, knees, thighs, stomach, chest and face for resisting arrest.

Or there is the prospect of the Internet cell phone. Does this mean you can surf the Net while calling up and ordering a pizza? The possibilities are mind-boggling.

This is not to imply that cellular phones are not wonderful tools that will change how we do business and communicate. They have already done that and with the new generation of technology being introduced by mobile phone manufacturers, there are further changes on the horizon. The cell phone makers are doing their part by dreaming up and introducing this technology to consumers, it is our duty to take this technology and use it for our benefit, to make our lives and world better.