Putting your children on guard against sexual abuse

Putting your children on guard against sexual abuse

By Monty P. Satiadarma

JAKARTA (JP): If a child starts to include sexual objects or
sexual themes in their drawings, it should not be dismissed as
merely a young mind with an active imagination.

It may well be a sign of sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse is defined as sexual exploitation of a child by
an older person where the child is used for a sexual purpose.
This includes sexual interference with a child, such as touching
their sexual organs, an invitation to sexually touch the adult,
sexual exploitation of a young person, exposing genitals to a
child, or the parent or guardian procuring sexual activity with a
child.

Data from the U.S. National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse,
based on a nationwide survey by Wang CT and Daro D, reported that
11 percent of child abuse cases involved sexual abuse.

Discovering that a child is a victim of abuse is an unpleasant
experience. But finding out about it at an early stage, so that
treatment could be provided immediately, is much better than
neglecting the condition, which may lead to the even greater
negative impact of a deep traumatic life experience.

Sexually abused children tend to show mental deprivation in
their personal development. Some children show seductive behavior
inappropriate for their age, others tend to develop negative
perceptions toward society, primarily toward people who have
similar characteristics to the offender.

For example, if a child is abused by her father, there is a
great possibility she will develop negative perceptions toward
male figures, primarily those representing father images.

There are various signs of child abuse, including behavioral,
physical and medical indicators. There are easily recognizable
physical indicators such as injuries around the genital areas,
torn and stained or bloody underwear, as well as unusually
excessive itching in the genital or anal area.

Parents and teachers may also be able to recognize behavioral
indicators of child abuse. An abused child, as well as making
sexually themed drawings, may play in a sexual way with toys,
with themselves, or with others and show bizarre, sophisticated
or unusual sexual knowledge. Some abused children also tend to
display seductive behavior.

It is not easy to find out if a child has suffered abuse. In
most cases children tend to keep it secret. Some children are
basically confused about what has happened to them, but most
children are afraid to tell the truth. In most cases the
offenders threaten the children so that they are afraid to tell
others about their molestation.

The offenders may also request that the children keep it
secret and provide them with incentives or, later on, rewards for
their compliance. In such a situation, parents and teachers need
to seek professional help to assess and diagnose the condition of
the children.

Reasons

Most caregivers do not intend to neglect or abuse their
offspring but, due to negligence, children may be abused.

Caregivers may have problems dealing with their own personal
stress and so neglect their children. As a result, a child may be
left alone and will easily become the target of abusive behavior,
specifically sexual abuse.

Most research classifies the causes of abuse into three main
conditions: social, parental-related and child conditions. Some
societal factors such as a high crime rate, lack of social
services, high poverty and unemployment rates are likely to
increase the rate of child abuse in society.

Parental-related factors are those that are related to their
personal history, recent conditions and coping skills.

Research has reported that many parents of abused children
also experienced abuse in their own childhood. A large number of
parents of abused children had unpleasant past life experiences
such as being abused (physically, emotionally, through neglect or
sexually), being the witness or victims of domestic violence,
experiencing a lack of social support and depression in family
life; some of them had mental health problems.

Research also reported that unwanted pregnancies greatly
influenced the numbers of child abuse cases. An emotional
immaturity of the parents, low self-esteem, and a personal
history of substance abuse are considered influential aspects in
child abuse.

Data on offenders show 71 percent were under 35 years old, 80
percent of them were in the normal or average intelligence range,
59 percent of them gained sexual access to victims through
seduction and enticement, and 70 percent to 85 percent of the
offenders were someone the child knew. They could be family
members, neighbors, baby-sitters, teachers and others familiar to
the child.

Girls are three times more often sexually abused than boys,
but boys are at greater risk of emotional neglect and serious
injuries.

Research has failed to find out the conclusive reasons why
sexual predators abuse children. There are various reasons, and
none is specific. Unfortunately, most treatment provided to
correct the behavior of sexual offenders fails. In most cases the
offenders tend to repeat their actions whenever they have the
opportunity to do so. It appears that the only way to protect
society from sexual offenders is life-time incarceration.

Protection

The best way to protect children from being sexually abused is
by preventing them from being in a situation where they would be
vulnerable to abuse.

Parents need to pay attention to their children. They should
not leave their children unattended at home. Parents also need to
take more responsibility about their children's development; they
must educate their children to say "no" when they feel
inappropriate things happen to them.

Parents and educators need to teach children about being brave
enough to set a physical distance from others, and they need to
encourage children to trust their own instincts and not to be
afraid of being rude by screaming and yelling if they feel at
risk. It is better to be impolite than to deal with being
molested.

In most cases sexually abused children need professional help.
However, parents may also be able to take the initial step in
order to find out what has happened to the children. Parents need
to be aware of not pushing the children to speak out about their
experiences. The children may be afraid to express their
feelings, due to confusion or threats made by offenders. Parents
must provide a secure atmosphere rather than a threatening one if
the children are not ready to talk.

In many cases the children feel guilty about what has happened
to them. Parents must not blame themselves about what has
happened to them. Otherwise, this would only increase the
intensity of such a traumatic life experience. Parents need to be
aware of their own emotional turmoil when finding out the facts
that their children have been abused. Parents need to trust their
children and listen carefully to what the children tell them.
Parents should not react harshly but be open and responsive --
and act calmly.

They need to reassure the children that they will help, and
never promise the children that the offender will go to jail. For
parents may not be able to keep their promise. Support the
children's feelings appropriately, let them speak out and write
down the facts. Write down everything the children discloses, no
matter how insignificant it seems and later correct the
information for investigation processes.

Finally, parents may need to seek professional help, and when
things are clear they must report the disclosure to the police to
take action. The act, although it may be painful, also means
protecting more children from being victims of abuse.