Putting your children on guard against sexual abuse

Putting your children on guard against sexual abuse

By Monty P. Satiadarma

JAKARTA (JP): If a child starts to include sexual objects or sexual themes in their drawings, it should not be dismissed as merely a young mind with an active imagination.

It may well be a sign of sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse is defined as sexual exploitation of a child by an older person where the child is used for a sexual purpose. This includes sexual interference with a child, such as touching their sexual organs, an invitation to sexually touch the adult, sexual exploitation of a young person, exposing genitals to a child, or the parent or guardian procuring sexual activity with a child.

Data from the U.S. National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse, based on a nationwide survey by Wang CT and Daro D, reported that 11 percent of child abuse cases involved sexual abuse.

Discovering that a child is a victim of abuse is an unpleasant experience. But finding out about it at an early stage, so that treatment could be provided immediately, is much better than neglecting the condition, which may lead to the even greater negative impact of a deep traumatic life experience.

Sexually abused children tend to show mental deprivation in their personal development. Some children show seductive behavior inappropriate for their age, others tend to develop negative perceptions toward society, primarily toward people who have similar characteristics to the offender.

For example, if a child is abused by her father, there is a great possibility she will develop negative perceptions toward male figures, primarily those representing father images.

There are various signs of child abuse, including behavioral, physical and medical indicators. There are easily recognizable physical indicators such as injuries around the genital areas, torn and stained or bloody underwear, as well as unusually excessive itching in the genital or anal area.

Parents and teachers may also be able to recognize behavioral indicators of child abuse. An abused child, as well as making sexually themed drawings, may play in a sexual way with toys, with themselves, or with others and show bizarre, sophisticated or unusual sexual knowledge. Some abused children also tend to display seductive behavior.

It is not easy to find out if a child has suffered abuse. In most cases children tend to keep it secret. Some children are basically confused about what has happened to them, but most children are afraid to tell the truth. In most cases the offenders threaten the children so that they are afraid to tell others about their molestation.

The offenders may also request that the children keep it secret and provide them with incentives or, later on, rewards for their compliance. In such a situation, parents and teachers need to seek professional help to assess and diagnose the condition of the children.

Reasons

Most caregivers do not intend to neglect or abuse their offspring but, due to negligence, children may be abused.

Caregivers may have problems dealing with their own personal stress and so neglect their children. As a result, a child may be left alone and will easily become the target of abusive behavior, specifically sexual abuse.

Most research classifies the causes of abuse into three main conditions: social, parental-related and child conditions. Some societal factors such as a high crime rate, lack of social services, high poverty and unemployment rates are likely to increase the rate of child abuse in society.

Parental-related factors are those that are related to their personal history, recent conditions and coping skills.

Research has reported that many parents of abused children also experienced abuse in their own childhood. A large number of parents of abused children had unpleasant past life experiences such as being abused (physically, emotionally, through neglect or sexually), being the witness or victims of domestic violence, experiencing a lack of social support and depression in family life; some of them had mental health problems.

Research also reported that unwanted pregnancies greatly influenced the numbers of child abuse cases. An emotional immaturity of the parents, low self-esteem, and a personal history of substance abuse are considered influential aspects in child abuse.

Data on offenders show 71 percent were under 35 years old, 80 percent of them were in the normal or average intelligence range, 59 percent of them gained sexual access to victims through seduction and enticement, and 70 percent to 85 percent of the offenders were someone the child knew. They could be family members, neighbors, baby-sitters, teachers and others familiar to the child.

Girls are three times more often sexually abused than boys, but boys are at greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injuries.

Research has failed to find out the conclusive reasons why sexual predators abuse children. There are various reasons, and none is specific. Unfortunately, most treatment provided to correct the behavior of sexual offenders fails. In most cases the offenders tend to repeat their actions whenever they have the opportunity to do so. It appears that the only way to protect society from sexual offenders is life-time incarceration.

Protection

The best way to protect children from being sexually abused is by preventing them from being in a situation where they would be vulnerable to abuse.

Parents need to pay attention to their children. They should not leave their children unattended at home. Parents also need to take more responsibility about their children's development; they must educate their children to say "no" when they feel inappropriate things happen to them.

Parents and educators need to teach children about being brave enough to set a physical distance from others, and they need to encourage children to trust their own instincts and not to be afraid of being rude by screaming and yelling if they feel at risk. It is better to be impolite than to deal with being molested.

In most cases sexually abused children need professional help. However, parents may also be able to take the initial step in order to find out what has happened to the children. Parents need to be aware of not pushing the children to speak out about their experiences. The children may be afraid to express their feelings, due to confusion or threats made by offenders. Parents must provide a secure atmosphere rather than a threatening one if the children are not ready to talk.

In many cases the children feel guilty about what has happened to them. Parents must not blame themselves about what has happened to them. Otherwise, this would only increase the intensity of such a traumatic life experience. Parents need to be aware of their own emotional turmoil when finding out the facts that their children have been abused. Parents need to trust their children and listen carefully to what the children tell them. Parents should not react harshly but be open and responsive -- and act calmly.

They need to reassure the children that they will help, and never promise the children that the offender will go to jail. For parents may not be able to keep their promise. Support the children's feelings appropriately, let them speak out and write down the facts. Write down everything the children discloses, no matter how insignificant it seems and later correct the information for investigation processes.

Finally, parents may need to seek professional help, and when things are clear they must report the disclosure to the police to take action. The act, although it may be painful, also means protecting more children from being victims of abuse.