Psychologist Shares Ways to End Unhealthy and Dangerous Relationships

A clinical psychologist has advised that unhealthy and dangerous relationships should be ended, even though doing so is not always easy, particularly when a person recognises the warning signs. Clinical psychologist Dra. A. Kasandra Putranto stated that when a relationship exhibits numerous red flags, especially if it involves aggressive, controlling, or intimidating behaviour that causes fear, personal safety must become the main priority. The University of Indonesia graduate further explained that if a partner threatens, behaves aggressively, stalks, or shows emotionally unstable behaviour, the decision to end the relationship should be made in a safe environment with the support of a trusted person. She suggested that the individual concerned should build a support system before making the decision, by informing family, close friends, or a trusted person of their plan. This is because a partner with controlling tendencies will try to make their partner feel lonely and highly dependent on them. Furthermore, in an unhealthy relationship, the victim often finds it difficult to make decisions independently, including the decision to end the relationship. ‘Victims in relationships that contain elements of coercive control often experience a decline in self-confidence and find it difficult to make decisions independently,’ she said. Therefore, these individuals require social support from family or close ones. She recommended that when there are signs of an unhealthy relationship, the individual should seek counselling with a professional. This allows the problems in the relationship to be understood, helping the victim trapped in an unhealthy relationship to gain self-confidence and formulate a plan to end it. She also stressed the need for individuals wanting to end an unhealthy relationship to set clear and firm boundaries. ‘Without giving ambiguous hope if the decision is final,’ Kasandra explained. This firm and clear stance, she said, can reduce the likelihood of the partner engaging in emotional manipulation to maintain the unhealthy relationship. In some cases, an aggressive partner may use guilt, threats, or promises to preserve the relationship. Kasandra advised that the victim should focus on their own safety.