Psychologist: Possessive Partner Behaviour Can Indicate an Unhealthy Relationship

Clinical psychologist Kasandra Putranto has cautioned that possessive behaviour from a partner should be watched closely, as it can be a danger sign in a relationship. According to her, such behaviour can lead to an unhealthy relationship or even domestic violence. “In relationship psychology, this behaviour can be a red flag that points towards an unhealthy relationship or even violence within the relationship,” Kasandra said when contacted from Jakarta on Wednesday (24/6). Kasandra, a psychology graduate of the University of Indonesia, explained that a healthy relationship should be built on mutual respect, trust, and regard for each other’s personal boundaries. When one party begins to dominate and reduce their partner’s autonomy, this can signal that the relationship is no longer healthy. Within the concept of coercive control, Kasandra explained that a possessive individual can gradually restrict their partner’s freedom. This can take the form of constant surveillance, social isolation, intimidation, or even regulating daily activities. “In the early stages, this behaviour often appears as attentiveness, for example always wanting to know the partner’s whereabouts, asking for reports on every activity, or showing excessive disclosure under the pretext of worry,” she said. According to Kasandra, it is important to understand that possessive behaviour often emerges subtly. Because it is frequently misinterpreted as care or affection, victims may not immediately realise they are in a relationship pattern that is heading towards violence. Kasandra stressed that possessive behaviour does not always lead to physical violence. In many situations, possessive actions can also manifest as psychological violence, such as manipulation, veiled threats, and controlling a partner’s activities. This behaviour can develop gradually until the victim feels incapable of making their own decisions. This condition is dangerous because the victim can lose independence in determining their life choices. “Because it happens gradually, victims often do not realise they are in a relationship that contains elements of violence,” Kasandra said. The warning about possessive behaviour comes amid a recent case of violence against women. A 29-year-old woman was reported to have been held captive and tortured by her 30-year-old boyfriend for approximately three years in the Bandung Regency area. The woman had been out of contact with her family since 2023. She was later found in critical condition in hospital after allegedly being held captive and brutally tortured by her boyfriend. Kasandra emphasised that a healthy relationship should not cause a person to lose their freedom, sense of security, or ability to make decisions. Therefore, possessive behaviour must be recognised early so that it does not develop into a more serious pattern of violence.