Psychologist explains signs of ‘micro-cheating’ that can erode trust

Behaviours such as hiding conversations with other people, regularly sending flirtatious messages or giving someone excessive attention on social media can trigger trust issues in romantic relationships.

Psychologist Mark Travers, PhD, writing in Psychology Today on Monday (19 October), describes these behaviours as micro-cheating: actions that cause a partner to question the other person’s emotional or physical commitment.

The term refers to behaviour that may not amount to physical infidelity but can still leave someone feeling betrayed, particularly when it is carried out in secret.

One sign to watch for is repeatedly discovering information that a partner had previously concealed, such as regularly having lunch with an attractive colleague or having intense conversations with someone else without ever mentioning them.

Such situations can cause confusion because one person may regard the behaviour as ordinary, while the other feels it violates their trust.

Travers advises people not to jump to conclusions when they discover surprising information. He recommends considering how significant it is, whether the partner has previously given reason to doubt their fidelity, and whether both people have a habit of concealing similar things.

Psychologist Giulia Zoppolat, also quoted by the publication, explains that it is possible to feel attracted to someone else while in a relationship. That feeling does not necessarily mean the relationship is under threat.

However, if the attraction is accompanied by a strong desire to conceal interactions, or by behaviour that conflicts with the couple’s agreements, the situation should be discussed.

Travers stresses that every relationship has different boundaries. Open communication and mutual agreement are therefore important for maintaining trust and establishing what behaviour both partners consider acceptable.