Philippines teaches migrant brides survival techniques

Philippines teaches migrant brides survival techniques

An increasingly worried Philippine government is arming Filipina migrant brides with advice on how to survive married life abroad. Johanna Son of Inter Press Service reports.

MANILA: As newly-marrieds or brides-to-be, the women sitting in a government office in Manila one sunny day perhaps expected to be regaled at least some stories of wedded bliss.

Instead, counselor Bing Canlabang is urging her audience of about 20 women -- all of whom are preparing to settle overseas with their foreigner husbands or fiances -- to arm themselves with `weapons' they might need abroad: contraceptives and money for a plane ticket home.

"You may need them once you see the true color of your husbands," says Canlabang. A few women begin twittering, but Canlabang persists: "No, you never know. I'm not scaring you, but I'm just giving you information".

Some begin to nod in cautious agreement as the counselor tells them the advice also comes from other Filipinas who left the country with much hope but met misery instead.

Every year, some 20,000 Filipinos emigrate as fiances or spouses of foreign nationals, making up a sizable source of migration apart from the more well-known path of overseas work. But 92 percent of this number are women, a trend that in 1989 prompted the government to start requiring them to undergo counseling sessions before leaving.

Most of the women marry U.S. Citizens, followed by Japanese and Australians. Many have successful marriages and adapt quite well to their new worlds. But the Commission on Filipinos Overseas (CFO) that keeps track of Filipino emigrants says there have also been horror stories of women being abused, treated as virtual slave labor, abandoned or even killed.

One women wrote the CFO weeks after joining her Taiwanese husband, saying she had been reduced to being a servant for her husband's family. "Please take me away from here," she said in her letter. "At least if I worked as a maid, I would get paid."

Trouble often erupts when little-known facts emerge after the women left the Philippines. Some find that their husbands are ex- convicts or mentally ill, or treat them like property because, the men reason, they spent for the women's travel. Others, abandoned by spouses, remain at their mercy because their stay in a foreign land lasts only as long as the marriage.

The extreme cases include those reported in May by the Sydney Morning Herald, which told of Australian men who "go shopping for wives in countries which they regard as bargain bins of docile, domesticated, disposable women, sexually submissive and easily controlled."

One Australian study says many of the men who sponsor more than one foreign wife subject them to domestic violence. It also says the major source for these `serial sponsors' over the past five to ten years was the Philippines, Fiji and Thailand.

CFO deputy chief Catherine Maceda says generalizations are hard to make. She adds that the commission simply "empowers the women by giving them information" based on feedback from other Filipino wives and gives them names of support groups.

By the time they show up for counseling, about 60 percent of the women are already married to their foreign spouses. Thus, most choose not to back out after the sessions. But a handful do. During one-to-one counseling sessions, some women admit it was their parents who wanted them to marry a foreigner.

Canlabang says it is as a precaution that they tell the women to bring along contraceptives, so they can avoid getting pregnant if their husbands turn out to be abusive. and money to buy a ticket home if the worst happens. Filipino brides are also advised to seek jobs so they have their own income sources.

The most cited reason for marrying foreigners is love, says a CFO survey, while "economic reasons" comes second. Explains Ma. Teresa, 28, who is set to marry her 34-year old Japanese architect-fiance and settle in Japan: "We have to be practical, you know. Life is hard here."

Maceda says it is unfair to say money is the only aim of Filipinos marrying foreigners, while others add that some women are purposely wooed with promises of better lives. "I still think many if not all the women marry because they want a good relationship," says maceda, although she admits, "At the back of their heads, they see potential for greater success abroad."

Over 60 percent of Filipinos who marry foreigners are from 20 to 29 years of age. Their spouses are often older. Many of the Filipino brides met their partners through `personal introduction' followed by letter-writing referred by kin or by a co-worker.

Before marching down the aisle, most of the women knew their partners for six months to a few years, though it is not uncommon to find couples that spent time for less than two weeks, when the men fly in to meet them and their families.

Ma. Teresa, who met her husband through a relative also married to a Japanese, says she knows of Filipinas shocked by Japanese culture, especially in rural areas where wives cannot work or cannot eat with her husband and his family. "That's why you choose carefully. I'm not scared, I have relatives there."

Many women grapple with the different cultures and languages in their adopted homes, which is why the CFO has handbooks that deal with subjects that range from trash collection schedules and table-setting guidelines in Japan, to naturalization rules, The government has also been holding dialogues with the Australian embassy on `serial sponsorship', and more embassies are requiring Filipino spouses to undergo counseling as well.

To lessen the risks that Filipino brides face, CFO wants a law passed to require foreigners marrying Filipinos in the country to first present proof of income, health and police clearance.

Much has changed during the 1980s, at the height of the mail- order business `sex tours' to Asia. The mail-order bride business has been made illegal by Philippine law, though at times officials still see European ads on `obedient' Filipino women.

The CFO says Manila cannot stop people from marrying who they wish, but the women should still have some protection before they go off to a strange land. Says Maceda. "Marriage is a right. We can't stop them, but at least they are making an informed decision."

-- IPS