Philippines teaches migrant brides survival techniques

Philippines teaches migrant brides survival techniques

An increasingly worried Philippine government is arming
Filipina migrant brides with advice on how to survive married
life abroad. Johanna Son of Inter Press Service reports.

MANILA: As newly-marrieds or brides-to-be, the women sitting
in a government office in Manila one sunny day perhaps expected
to be regaled at least some stories of wedded bliss.

Instead, counselor Bing Canlabang is urging her audience of
about 20 women -- all of whom are preparing to settle overseas
with their foreigner husbands or fiances -- to arm themselves
with `weapons' they might need abroad: contraceptives and money
for a plane ticket home.

"You may need them once you see the true color of your
husbands," says Canlabang. A few women begin twittering, but
Canlabang persists: "No, you never know. I'm not scaring you, but
I'm just giving you information".

Some begin to nod in cautious agreement as the counselor tells
them the advice also comes from other Filipinas who left the
country with much hope but met misery instead.

Every year, some 20,000 Filipinos emigrate as fiances or
spouses of foreign nationals, making up a sizable source of
migration apart from the more well-known path of overseas work.
But 92 percent of this number are women, a trend that in 1989
prompted the government to start requiring them to undergo
counseling sessions before leaving.

Most of the women marry U.S. Citizens, followed by Japanese
and Australians. Many have successful marriages and adapt quite
well to their new worlds. But the Commission on Filipinos
Overseas (CFO) that keeps track of Filipino emigrants says there
have also been horror stories of women being abused, treated as
virtual slave labor, abandoned or even killed.

One women wrote the CFO weeks after joining her Taiwanese
husband, saying she had been reduced to being a servant for her
husband's family. "Please take me away from here," she said in
her letter. "At least if I worked as a maid, I would get paid."

Trouble often erupts when little-known facts emerge after the
women left the Philippines. Some find that their husbands are ex-
convicts or mentally ill, or treat them like property because,
the men reason, they spent for the women's travel. Others,
abandoned by spouses, remain at their mercy because their stay in
a foreign land lasts only as long as the marriage.

The extreme cases include those reported in May by the Sydney
Morning Herald, which told of Australian men who "go shopping for
wives in countries which they regard as bargain bins of docile,
domesticated, disposable women, sexually submissive and easily
controlled."

One Australian study says many of the men who sponsor more
than one foreign wife subject them to domestic violence. It also
says the major source for these `serial sponsors' over the past
five to ten years was the Philippines, Fiji and Thailand.

CFO deputy chief Catherine Maceda says generalizations are
hard to make. She adds that the commission simply "empowers the
women by giving them information" based on feedback from other
Filipino wives and gives them names of support groups.

By the time they show up for counseling, about 60 percent of
the women are already married to their foreign spouses. Thus,
most choose not to back out after the sessions. But a handful do.
During one-to-one counseling sessions, some women admit it was
their parents who wanted them to marry a foreigner.

Canlabang says it is as a precaution that they tell the women
to bring along contraceptives, so they can avoid getting pregnant
if their husbands turn out to be abusive. and money to buy a
ticket home if the worst happens. Filipino brides are also
advised to seek jobs so they have their own income sources.

The most cited reason for marrying foreigners is love, says a
CFO survey, while "economic reasons" comes second. Explains Ma.
Teresa, 28, who is set to marry her 34-year old Japanese
architect-fiance and settle in Japan: "We have to be practical,
you know. Life is hard here."

Maceda says it is unfair to say money is the only aim of
Filipinos marrying foreigners, while others add that some women
are purposely wooed with promises of better lives. "I still think
many if not all the women marry because they want a good
relationship," says maceda, although she admits, "At the back of
their heads, they see potential for greater success abroad."

Over 60 percent of Filipinos who marry foreigners are from 20
to 29 years of age. Their spouses are often older. Many of the
Filipino brides met their partners through `personal
introduction' followed by letter-writing referred by kin or by a
co-worker.

Before marching down the aisle, most of the women knew their
partners for six months to a few years, though it is not uncommon
to find couples that spent time for less than two weeks, when the
men fly in to meet them and their families.

Ma. Teresa, who met her husband through a relative also
married to a Japanese, says she knows of Filipinas shocked by
Japanese culture, especially in rural areas where wives cannot
work or cannot eat with her husband and his family. "That's why
you choose carefully. I'm not scared, I have relatives there."

Many women grapple with the different cultures and languages
in their adopted homes, which is why the CFO has handbooks that
deal with subjects that range from trash collection schedules and
table-setting guidelines in Japan, to naturalization rules, The
government has also been holding dialogues with the Australian
embassy on `serial sponsorship', and more embassies are requiring
Filipino spouses to undergo counseling as well.

To lessen the risks that Filipino brides face, CFO wants a law
passed to require foreigners marrying Filipinos in the country to
first present proof of income, health and police clearance.

Much has changed during the 1980s, at the height of the mail-
order business `sex tours' to Asia. The mail-order bride business
has been made illegal by Philippine law, though at times
officials still see European ads on `obedient' Filipino women.

The CFO says Manila cannot stop people from marrying who they
wish, but the women should still have some protection before they
go off to a strange land. Says Maceda. "Marriage is a right. We
can't stop them, but at least they are making an informed
decision."

-- IPS