New bug takes a fancy to pricey gourmet cuisine

JAKARTA (JP): Just read in The Economist that there's a new bug doing the rounds on this sphere we call earth. Perhaps "new" isn't exactly the way to describe it -- after all, it may've been busy since time began but only now have come to the attention of scientists. And saying that it's doing the rounds on earth isn't quite right either, because Cyclospora cayetanensis, so far, seems to be having a special affection for Washingtonians (DC, not the state).

It all started with music, believe it or not. There was this orchestra busy enthralling an audience when suddenly a member, a violinist, got up to answer the one call that every member of the human race -- regardless of gender, race, color, creed, social status, whatever -- must answer. Ignore that call, and your kidneys will lodge protests and may even go on a permanent strike. Now, one musician excusing him or herself for a few moments isn't anything to make a song and dance about, but you begin to think a bit when musician number one is followed by another, and another, and yet another. The Economist also reported that hundreds of other Washington denizens of a non- musical bend have been suffering from over active urinary bladders.

Need we worry about that newly discovered critter? I'd say yes and no. "Yes", if you're headed for Washington DC and go to the kind of posh eatery where menus do not have a right side column (i.e. so luxurious, prices aren't listed), or attend a gala function at one of the top embassies, or accept an invitation to have dinner chez Bill and Hillary. Come to think of it, you'd probably be safe with B and H, who, I'm inclined to think, would belong to the health food category. So far, Washington DC seems to be the only spot CC is causing a bit of intestinal mayhem, but with top notch communication facilities in the U.S., can New York, Chicago, San Francisco, etc. be far behind? And what about Toronto, Vancouver, Mexico City? As for "no", well, you'll be safe if you stick to hamburgers, bagels, pizza, hot dogs, and the many other types of edibles nutritionists around the world have warned against. Why is that?

Apparently, CC isn't your ordinary kitchen sink kind of bug. If you try to tempt it with an off-the-supermarket-shelf mayonnaise it'll pull up its nose and give it a wide berth. But a mayo prepared by, say, Paul Bocusse or Julia Child will have it come running. So obviously our newly discovered bug is a rung or two up on the evolutionary ladder compared to a mere e-coli. It's got a mind of its own, it knows the difference between a common egg 'n' bacon pie and a quiche lorraine, between a plain vegetable soup and borscht or vichysoisse. How's that for expensive taste?

So far our CC isn't known to have developed a taste for Asian food, but I'm inclined to think that it's only a matter of time before it decides that tom yam soup is exactly the kind of stuff the doctor ordered, and even we, in SE Asia, who are far away from Washington DC, cannot be said to be safe from it. Bugs have been known to travel far and wide and thrive in surroundings other than their home base, so it's not all that inconceivable that one day CC hitches a ride (first class, of course) on a flight or a voyage (QE2, of course) from the US to anywhere in Asia, find its way into e.g. moo goo gai pan (Chinese), sashimi (Japanese), chicken adobo (Philippines), sayur lodeh (Indonesia), biriyani (India), etc. etc. To us, all that may be common fare, but remember CC is a newcomer whose taste for Asian delicacies hasn't quite developed yet. At first it may consider those dishes the answer to a gourmet's prayer. Only later, when it's settled down and given birth to a new strain, it would discover that there's more to Asian food than sashimi, etc., and develop a taste for Peking duck, say, or soto ayam, suckling pig, and the many other dishes you only serve on special occasions. The damage, however, would've been done among the common people who eat common food.

I have one hope, however. Maybe Cyclospora cayetanensis will share the tastes of the people of the region whence it came, who far more often than not cannot stand the chilies and other sharp spices we lard our edibles with. Conclusion: you're safe with hamburgers (never mind what they do to your cholesterol levels), but even more so with sayur asem, tempe and plain grilled fish accompanied by generous helpings of sambal terasi. I'll walk a mile in tight shoes for the latter and am going to get some right away.

-- Jak Jaunt