Making, and explaining, the decision on wear a head scarf

Sirikit Syah, Contributor, London

A difficult question for me to answer and one I have been asked several times, is, "Why do you wear a head scarf?"

In Indonesia, some of my colleagues and friends have asked me that question and in London, where I now study, several classmates have also asked. And, I can never give them a fast or easy answer.

First it was Anna from Argentina, "Would you mind telling me what that head scarf means to you? Why do you wear it?"

When I asked her why she asked, she answered simply, "I am just interested to know."

Mia was there with us and she is an Indonesian Muslim woman too, but she does not wear a head scarf. Even without her there, it would have been difficult for me to give an answer.

If I said I wore a head scarf because of my religion, it would have judged a huge number of Muslim women who do not wear a head scarf as being not, or less, religious. And I do not consider myself more religious than Muslim women who do not wear head scarves.

I started wearing a jilbab (head scarf) only two years ago. Raised in a secular family, I was surrounded by Muslim women who wore casual clothes. And during my school years, none of my classmates wore head scarves. In fact, I still remember in the late 70s and early 80s girls being banned from wearing head scarves in schools. The policy allowing girls to wear head scarves to school was only implemented recently.

So, I had little contact with women wearing head scarves in my youth. The answer, therefore, must not be because of tradition.

Was it religion? I did not start wearing a head scarf because of certain passages in the Koran, though it is clear to me that the Prophet's wives wore veils and I believe that whatever Muhammad and his wives did is good to follow.

Perhaps I wear it for comfort? I don't think so. Only in London do I feel more comfortable wearing a head scarf (I feel warmer).

In Indonesia, I used to complain about the heat (especially while teaching in a non-air-conditioned classroom packed with students for several hours, or while jammed in a crowded bus). As soon as I would come home, I would take off my head scarf at once. My husband, seeing the sweat pouring down my face and neck, would sometimes say, "If you are suffering, you don't have to wear that."

Some people jokingly accused me of doing it to be trendy, as there was a time when wearing a head scarf became so fashionable even celebrities wore them. But I definitely do not think wearing a head scarf is fashionable. Even if the head scarf gives me comfort in cold London, most of the time I wear a hat on top of it because of the rain. And, I know this makes me look a bit silly.

While Nancy, from Hong Kong, asked me why I wore the head scarf in the same way as Anna, Myra from Yugoslavia asked me the question in a tone that struck me as being not so nice.

She asked, "Why are you wearing only a head scarf? Why not the veil? If you wear a head scarf, pants and jeans, what's the point?" she asked.

It reminded me of something that happened two years ago when I was studying at Airlangga University in Surabaya, before I got a scholarship to study in London. One student, obviously a very religious man, commented on the way I wore my head scarf. Those were the first days of my new experience, I did not have a big collection of head scarves, I was not skillful in tying them. Every morning was a struggle for me and my head scarf.

"What kind of head scarf is that? You look like a nun!", the man said. It hurt me, but I kept silent. Now, thinking about it, I wish I had asked him, "Why should I wear a long, black veil like an Afghan, even if you think that it is better than my 'nun- style' fashion? Even my religious mother-in-law is happy enough to see me like this."

I don't think people should judge what is best for Muslim women to wear. I don't think that people can judge the burqa (the Afghan style that covers everything from head to toe) as being better that the veil, or the veil (you still can see the eyes) as better than the jilbab and so on.

So, in answering Myra, I said, "I just like wearing it." And when I think about it, that was my honest answer.

When she insisted, "Yeah, why, I still do not understand why you wear it. It does not change you. In my eyes, you are still pretty, regardless of what you wear ... " I cut her off and said, "So, please don't see what I wear, see me."

The point is: It is the person that matters, not what they wear.