Making, and explaining, the decision on wear a head scarf

Making, and explaining, the decision on wear a head scarf

Sirikit Syah, Contributor, London

A difficult question for me to answer and one I have been
asked several times, is, "Why do you wear a head scarf?"

In Indonesia, some of my colleagues and friends have asked me
that question and in London, where I now study, several
classmates have also asked. And, I can never give them a fast or
easy answer.

First it was Anna from Argentina, "Would you mind telling me
what that head scarf means to you? Why do you wear it?"

When I asked her why she asked, she answered simply, "I am
just interested to know."

Mia was there with us and she is an Indonesian Muslim woman
too, but she does not wear a head scarf. Even without her there,
it would have been difficult for me to give an answer.

If I said I wore a head scarf because of my religion, it would
have judged a huge number of Muslim women who do not wear a head
scarf as being not, or less, religious. And I do not consider
myself more religious than Muslim women who do not wear head
scarves.

I started wearing a jilbab (head scarf) only two years ago.
Raised in a secular family, I was surrounded by Muslim women who
wore casual clothes. And during my school years, none of my
classmates wore head scarves. In fact, I still remember in the
late 70s and early 80s girls being banned from wearing head
scarves in schools. The policy allowing girls to wear head
scarves to school was only implemented recently.

So, I had little contact with women wearing head scarves in my
youth. The answer, therefore, must not be because of tradition.

Was it religion? I did not start wearing a head scarf because
of certain passages in the Koran, though it is clear to me that
the Prophet's wives wore veils and I believe that whatever
Muhammad and his wives did is good to follow.

Perhaps I wear it for comfort? I don't think so. Only in
London do I feel more comfortable wearing a head scarf (I feel
warmer).

In Indonesia, I used to complain about the heat (especially
while teaching in a non-air-conditioned classroom packed with
students for several hours, or while jammed in a crowded bus). As
soon as I would come home, I would take off my head scarf at
once. My husband, seeing the sweat pouring down my face and neck,
would sometimes say, "If you are suffering, you don't have to
wear that."

Some people jokingly accused me of doing it to be trendy, as
there was a time when wearing a head scarf became so fashionable
even celebrities wore them. But I definitely do not think wearing
a head scarf is fashionable. Even if the head scarf gives me
comfort in cold London, most of the time I wear a hat on top of
it because of the rain. And, I know this makes me look a bit
silly.

While Nancy, from Hong Kong, asked me why I wore the head
scarf in the same way as Anna, Myra from Yugoslavia asked me the
question in a tone that struck me as being not so nice.

She asked, "Why are you wearing only a head scarf? Why not the
veil? If you wear a head scarf, pants and jeans, what's the
point?" she asked.

It reminded me of something that happened two years ago when I
was studying at Airlangga University in Surabaya, before I got a
scholarship to study in London. One student, obviously a very
religious man, commented on the way I wore my head scarf. Those
were the first days of my new experience, I did not have a big
collection of head scarves, I was not skillful in tying them.
Every morning was a struggle for me and my head scarf.

"What kind of head scarf is that? You look like a nun!", the
man said. It hurt me, but I kept silent. Now, thinking about it,
I wish I had asked him, "Why should I wear a long, black veil
like an Afghan, even if you think that it is better than my 'nun-
style' fashion? Even my religious mother-in-law is happy enough
to see me like this."

I don't think people should judge what is best for Muslim
women to wear. I don't think that people can judge the burqa (the
Afghan style that covers everything from head to toe) as being
better that the veil, or the veil (you still can see the eyes) as
better than the jilbab and so on.

So, in answering Myra, I said, "I just like wearing it." And
when I think about it, that was my honest answer.

When she insisted, "Yeah, why, I still do not understand why
you wear it. It does not change you. In my eyes, you are still
pretty, regardless of what you wear ... " I cut her off and said,
"So, please don't see what I wear, see me."

The point is: It is the person that matters, not what they
wear.