JP/4/Oscar

Oscar Lawalata: Feminity is strength

T. Sima Gunawan Contributor/Jakarta

Since he was child, the boy often received admonitions from people surrounding him, including his mother, who frowned upon his feminity. Today, many still consider him "weird", he says. But Oscar Lawalata believes that his feminity is his strength, which has contributed to his success as a young fashion designer.

"They regard me as a weird person. They said: You are a man, why are you so feminine? So beautiful? People like me, wherever we are in this part of the world, would remain eccentric, different, and it's hard to change it," said Oscar.

Born in Pekanbaru, Riau, in 1977, the young Oscar grew up in Jakarta. His mother, Reggie Lawalata, a TV actress, got divorced when he was a toddler, raising Oscar and his younger brother, Mario, as a single mother with little money.

Oscar went to the Esmod Fashion School here but dropped out in 1998 in the economic crisis and chose to start his own fashion business. Winning second place in the ASEAN young designers' contest in Singapore in 1999, his designs also won people's hearts and his career continues to improve. His customers include top singers Kris Dayanti, Titik DJ and Chrisye and his designs normally debut to packed audiences, most recently a show in Kuala Lumpur.

The long-haired man who recently made his debut as an actor in the popular film Banyu Biru says he likes to feature ethnic designs in his creations.

During the interview at his workshop in Kebayoran Baru, South Jakarta, Oscar talked about his career and his life.

Question: You look quite busy these days. What are you doing?

Answer: I am working on Barbie children's wear, as well as several uniform projects for some companies, including a hotel and an airline. The clothes for children will be launched on the 26th of this month.

We have several lines right now, ethnic-themed clothes with the label of Oscar Lawalata, evening gowns with the label of Oscar Couture and Oscar Oscar for young people.

Why don't you focus on just one line?

If we can do five, why should we do just one? What should I do with the energy that could be used to do the others? As an idealist, I prefer those with the touch of culture, but the reality is different. Indonesian people prefer something which is glamorous; the elite circle prefers Western things, so I have to adjust to the tastes of the market. That's why I have several lines. So, besides being idealist, I also sell my services, translating the wishes of the people into making my clothes. To serve companies, I have to understand their brand image, the target, the customers; who they are, and on what level -- whether they are trendy. For me, this is a different challenge, and why not?

Why did you get interested in fashion in the first place?

I am interested in the arts. Graduating from high school in 1996, I wanted to study fine art, but I didn't know what to study -- painting, sculpture, interior design, photography or fashion. I enrolled at the Bandung Institute of Technology but was not accepted. I wanted to study abroad but my mother didn't have enough money so I ended up studying at Esmod. I took a three-year program, but after a year and a-half, during the economic crisis, I quit because my mother could not afford the school fees and the school turned down my request for a scholarship. After I quit, I opened my own boutique.

After eight years in the business, what have you learned?

Frankly speaking, it was beyond my imagination. I thought, as a designer, after making the design, buying the material and having it sewn, the work was over. But the burden is not in that (process); a designer should be good at management. I also have to be directly involved in the marketing, in the finance, all of these calculation systems which I had never thought of before.

Every designer has his or her special characteristics. What about you?

I prefer (designs) with cultural themes, especially Asian ones. I like to explore this, the Indonesian culture, our own cultural potency.

When you were a child, what did you want to become?

Many children wanted to become a pilots or doctors, but I wanted to become a farmer, something which was simple, which was close to nature, with not-so-high technology, which was more human, more down-to-earth.

Do you still want to be a farmer?

No, but in my old days, I liked to live in such an environment which was quiet and had a familial atmosphere.

What do you foresee yourself doing say in 20 or 30 years from now?

After working for years, and interacting with the workers, I find that making clothes, especially handmade ones, needs togetherness, there is the one who sews, the one who makes the embroidery, the one who beads, there is emotion in the clothes, they have a soul.

This is different from those you buy at a department store, the ready-to-wear kind. What I mean is I still want to be able to work with them, to provide jobs for many people. That's what I want, not something more about myself like getting married or having a spouse who is like this or like that. I want to contribute more to society, to inspire people.

Talking about marriage and spouse, has anyone asked you to get married?

Not really. For me, a spouse would be like a bonus (he laughs) in the sense that actually we live by ourselves. If we have a spouse, we should not be egotistical. First, we should love ourselves, we should know ourselves, our talents, all about us. After we know what kind of a person we are, then we can collaborate with other people. Otherwise, we will have a big headache, and get tired. If there is someone who wants to be close to me, I want to make friends first, not a serious relationship. I want to concentrate more on myself and on my work. After being friends for 10 or 20 years, if we get along well, let's go ahead.

People might wonder who would be your best spouse, a man or a woman?

A: I don't want to say that I am gay. Why not? It's not because I am ashamed or a hypocrite. Why should I be ashamed? Even when I walk down the street, people always look at me. People like me might be different. Other people declare that they are gay, but not me. I am still keeping my mind open, and I don't want to say that I am heterosexual either. In building a relationship, we talk about something personal, not about a man or a woman. If I get along with a woman, why not? But if I get along more with a man, then again, why not? It's we who live our lives, not other people. They only talk about us, but we live our lives from the time we open our eyes until we go to bed.

Many people must frown upon your ideas, your way of life. Have you ever experienced discrimination or rejection

I have been regarded as a weird person. Since I was a kid, I have been treated like that by people in my environment, my family. They said: You are a man, why are you so feminine? So beautiful? They look down at me but they have never confronted me. And I think this is just normal because people like me, wherever we are in this part of the world, we will remain eccentric, different, and it's hard to change it.

Are you depressed?

No, because I know myself, I am honest with myself, and I know what I want.

How about your Mom?

People say Oscar should be thankful to have a mother like her. I am thankful because my Mom is open minded, but things are not that easy. Well, she was like other mothers ... When I was in high school, she often told me to walk more firmly, to join a karate class, to have hormone injections. I was sometimes hurt. For instance, at a wedding reception, Mom would introduce my brother to her friends, but ignored me, unless they were aware of my presence.

As time passed, I told myself, this is my own life, I didn't ask to be born, I didn't blame Mom, this is my life, I am like this, so like it or not I should live my life, and I was ready to risk any consequence if Mom rejected me; I was ready to fight. If I wanted to find fault, I could blame my parents, but I didn't. This was the reality, and I was ready if Mom drove me out of the house or disowned me.

It seems that you are quite strong.

I am quite close with God. This doesn't mean that every Sunday I go to the church, but it is deep in my heart.

It was reported that you did quite well at school and always were a top-ten student?

Well, I guess I didn't do badly. I could easily comprehend what the teacher said.

Was it true that you fought with your teachers several times?

Mom told me, "If you are right, fight for it, but if you are wrong, apologize." Whoever the person is, including my teachers, if they kept on harassing me, I would fight them.

So, being feminine does not mean that you are weak.

No, people regard feminity as something abnormal, a defect. But if we are willing to explore it, it is actually a gift, like a sixth sense, you can see what other people can't. (Feminine people) have different minds, different feelings, different body language. This should be regarded as strength, because we can feel both the masculine and feminine sides while other people can't. A woman can only think as a woman, and a man will never be able to feel the way a woman feels, no matter how hard he tries. But people like us can think and feel both in the men's and women's world.

Have you ever felt like a woman trapped in a man's body?

No, the way I see it: I am half man, half woman. Not a man with a soul of a woman.

Have you ever got any idea about having a sex-change operation?

No. I don't want to dress as a woman. Well I want to be beautiful, but I don't want to wear a dress, a wig, earrings, I like wearing pants like a man and a blouse for the top. I wear eye liner, but I am still a man. There is no way you would see me in a dress and it is impossible for me to wear a suit with a tie, either.

You are indeed beautiful. What beauty treatments do you use?

I don't have any special body treatment, but I pay a lot of attention to my hair. I often blow dry my hair, which is originally curly. I don't like dieting and it happens that my body metabolism is quite good. To maintain the freshness of the skin of my face, I drink a lot of water after I get up and before going to bed. And it is also necessary to have a peaceful mind. Otherwise, you will have acne on the face. I also like meditation, it's a good way to ease your mind.

What things disturb your mind a lot?

I find it hard to manage (the business) because I am not a businessman. I am an artist who runs his own business, so like it or not I have to manage it.

What inspires your work?

I get ideas from a lot of things, not just from a single thing like a painting or a certain era. This has much to do with the development of this modern age, with films, with music, with the characters of people, with their thinking patterns. All this blends into one thing.

Where do you get the material for your clothes?

Some material is bought here, but sometimes I buy it in India, China or Thailand.

What do you think of today's trends?

In the 2000s, the trend has become more personal, you can't say that it is gypsy, futuristic, ethnic. In the 1970s, everyone wore bell-bottom pants, but now, there is so many kinds, some are short, some long, some have holes, some tight, some loose, and all are good. People now are more individual, more independent; they have more guts about the way they dress. This is good for the fashion world even though (too much) individualism is not really good for society.

You use animal furs and leather in some of your collections. What would you do if animal rights activists protested you?

When I bought it, the animal was already dead. But if there was a protest, of course, I would think twice.

What's the most important thing in your life?

To explore my self, to get our powers, people can feel our presence and we can help them.

What's the hardest thing in your life?

Actually my life is hard, but I make it easier with positive thinking. If we accept ourselves, explore our potency, we will find it easier to accept difficult realities. I am quite thankful that I started from zero, that my family was poor. Mom, as a single parent, scratched out a living. She used to sell gado-gado and cendol at a stall. When I was a kid, I went to school by bus and when I saw my friends buying ketoprak (traditional food) at school, I often drooled because I couldn't afford it.

I have been through all of those difficult times, so I never worry about what to do if I go bankrupt.

The writer can be contacted at tabita@cbn.net.id