Indonesian model father in the making

Indonesian model father in the making

By Kartina Suyono Prawirabisma

JAKARTA (JP): A friend of mine expressed her New Year's wish,
"I hope the past year brought you beautiful memories, long to be
cherished; and may the New Year bring you and your loved ones
even more beautiful moments, to be remembered for a long time."
Her New Year's wish set me pondering. What are my wonderful
memories, to be cherished in the future? Mother's Day flashed
through my mind.

Yes, Mother's Day, as opposed to the Dec. 22 Indonesian
Women's Day which was inspired by the Indonesian Youth Conference
on Oct. 28, 1928 and its Youth Pledge "One country, one nation,
one language - Indonesia". Mother's Day honors mothers as the
people who lovingly take care of the family. On Mother's Day,
especially in western movies, mothers are pampered by the members
of her family with gifts, with breakfast in bed, with small and
big tokens of gratitude and love, with flowers, thank you's and
kisses.

Yet, I pondered, it wouldn't do any harm if Indonesian mothers
were also pampered by their offspring and spouses as a token of
their appreciation for the never-ending tasks lovingly (though
sometimes hastily) done by these homemakers.

I suddenly jolted out of my daydreaming. What about husbands
as "Model Fathers"?

"Why not?" I asked myself.

Of course it would have to be stopped from falling into
political thank you's to high-ranking public servants or
prominent public figures. It would have to be restricted to
personal relations. I continued my imaginary investigation of the
criteria for the "Model Father". The following man crossed my
mind.

He is a retired deputy regent of a small East Java town,
Nganjuk, this Bapak Hadi Notosentoeso. Born in 1917 in Bangkalan,
Madura and married to Siti Badariyah at the tender age of 22, the
couple had ten children. When he retired as a public servant, the
Hadis still had five children to raise, while the other five had
married. The couple then illustrated their pioneer spirit and in
1973 decided to migrate to Jakarta. Hadi didn't deem it beyond
his dignity to accept a job at a Chinese firm, assembling and
manufacturing electronic equipment. Jakartans in the 1970s were
even less broad-minded as they are now. Being on the staff of an
Indonesian of Chinese origin was uncommon in those days. But this
didn't deter Hadi, nor his wife and family. To them, Indonesian
citizens of Chinese origin are one of the so many ethnic groups
that make up Indonesia.

After all the children were married, and after ten long years
of hard work, Hadi retired from the electronics company in 1984.
He retired because he had begun to feel his age and because his
wife had suffered a stroke. A wheelchair became her second home.

All the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren had
planned a glorious family gathering to commemorate the couple's
55th wedding anniversary. But, two weeks before the party, Bu
Hadi died peacefully in her husband's arms, after both had
exchanged sincere requests for forgiveness.

'Model father'

What then, inspired me to think of Hadi as a potential nominee
for "Model Father"? He himself, had jokingly remarked that he
should be given the title.

"Why do you think you deserve the title?" I inquired frankly.
He retorted: "I admit that my wife served me for 45 years, in the
true conventional Indonesian way. She was always sabar (patient,
calm), always warm and kindhearted to me and the children, never
demanding anything for herself, and religious in word and deed.
But during the last 10 years of her life, I became her loyal and
faithful servant."

"She was diabetic. Every night she had to leave her bed three
to four times, and to be wheeled to the restroom. Every night,
from the bed to the wheelchair, from the wheelchair to the
bathroom, from the bathroom back to the wheelchair, from the
wheelchair back to bed. Three to four times every night, for 10
long years."

If I was on the panel to judge who would be "Model Fathers",
Pak Hadi would certainly pass the examination.

Charity doesn't only mean giving money, clothes or food to the
needy. It really means being warm, friendly, nice and kindhearted
to the people at home. To your wife, husband, children. To care
for somebody from the bottom of your heart, means the willingness
to sacrifice your sleep, for instance, to help make the person
you care for more comfortable. Even if it goes on for weeks,
months or years. Even if it went goes for 10 long years, 520
weeks -- night after night after night.

Pak Hadi would certainly qualify.