'I don't want to be striken by grief'

Dedy Ardiansyah, Contributor/Banda Aceh

It is really painful to lose loved ones. Only a few people can overcome the grief that comes with this loss. Retika, 20, however, always looks cheerful even though she has lost her parents and one of her siblings. Usually called Rere, she smiles at everyone she meets.

Rere is the third of five children. Three of her siblings were spared, because when the tsunami struck, they were not in Meulaboh. Her elder brother was in Banda Aceh while her elder sister and a younger sibling were in Medan.

After the disaster, Rere stayed in Medan for a week but then decided to return to her hometown and start her life over again without her parents.

When the tsunami struck her neighborhood, she was saved by First Lt. Ferry, who carried her to a jambu air (rose-apple) tree. Unfortunately, Ferry was unable to save himself. He died while still clinging to the tree. When the water subsided, Rere climbed down the tree and fled for safety.

While running, Rere briefly met her father, who told her to keep on running. He gave her a piece of wood to hold on to.

Before she had run very far, however, seawater came rushing inland again and dragged her to the front of a mosque. She tried to climb onto the roof of the mosque but could no longer see her father. "I saw my father being dragged out to sea. That was our last meeting," she said, still trying to smile.

When you look at Rere, you could hardly guess that she had lost her parents and one of her siblings in the devastating natural disaster on Dec. 26, 2004. Nurleli, a fellow broadcaster at Radio Suara Aceh FM, was also surprised when she learned of what had befallen Rere.

"I admire her struggle to fight her grief. At first I did not think she was one of the tsunami victims because she was always cheerful and laughing," she said.

Her other fellow broadcasters at the radio station have realized that Rere is keeping her grief to herself. Hana Pangaribuan said she could detect grief in Rere's eyes. "She tries to look cheerful and joke with others but I can see the sadness in her eyes," she said.

Rere said using her experience as a broadcaster at Radio Suara Aceh FM, an emergency radio station set up by Prapanca FM Trijaya Network in Meulaboh, West Aceh has helped her to forget her own pain. In fact, before the tsunami she spent two years working as a radio broadcaster. Now, she can be heard between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. local time every day on her own program, which targets young people.

During her program, songs popular among youngsters will be played. Rere also frequently gives advice to her young listeners, asking them not to be overcome by their grief.

"For the last two weeks, we have given her a program intended for youngsters. Hopefully, this will cheer her up," said Awin Bastamta, who is responsible for Radio Suara Aceh FM.

After finishing her program that day, Rere took The Jakarta Post to take a look at the ruins of her house in Ujung Karang, Johan Pahlawan district, Meulaboh. Rere talked a lot about how she tried to put that dark day behind her when the tsunami struck the house from three different directions: the side, the front and the back.

In this neighborhood, all buildings were completely destroyed. Her house, an orange two-story house, was also flattened.

"It is not that I'm not sad. I realize that I still have a future ahead of me so I don't want to succumb to grief," she said when asked about how she felt about her loss.

A fan of singer Krisdayanti, Rere said that in the first week after the disaster, she was deeply saddened. She found it difficult to forget what had happened to her.

Every day she burst into tears when she remembered that she had lost both parents, one of her younger siblings, her grandmother and a nephew in the tsunami. She had searched for her parents in many places from Blang Pidie to Tapaktuan.

In the second week, however, Rere realized that there was no use grieving. Every night she performed her tahajjut prayers, asking God to give her strength. She now gains new spirit when she remembers her parents.

"When I fled to safety, I felt as if my parents were smiling and truly willing to let me go," she said.

She observed Idul Adha (the Muslim Day of Sacrifice) alone this year. Rere also paid her respects at the mass grave in Ujung Karang, not far from her house, hoping that her parents were buried there in peace.

Now Rere is staying with Ayu, one of her friends. She said she was happy staying there in the warm family atmosphere. During the day, she works at the radio station, greeting her listeners cheerfully.

"Assalamualaikum (Peace be with you). Listeners, you are still with me. This is Rere here at Suara Aceh, a post-tsunami emergency radio station in Meulaboh. How are you this afternoon? Hopefully, better than yesterday.

"I hope we will not be overwhelmed by grief. Let's welcome a better tomorrow together. Well, this is a song by Gigi called Last Love," Rere said, greeting her listeners.