Homosexuals live on stressful line of conformity

Homosexuals live on stressful line of conformity

By Bruce Emond

JAKARTA (JP): The closet door remains firmly closed for many
Indonesian gay men and lesbians.

As homosexuals in the United States and Western Europe are
freer to express their sexual preference and concerns than at any
time in recent history, Indonesian gays find themselves burdened
by overwhelming social pressures for conformity and pervasive
stereotypes painting them as weak and abnormal.

The situation is not entirely bleak, according to psychiatrist
Lukas Mangindaan, whose patients include gay men and lesbians. He
says that outflow from the wave of gay pride sentiment in the
West has trickled down into Indonesian society with the founding
of gay rights organizations

"My personal belief is that there is a growing tolerance," Dr.
Lukas says. "But gay people still face enormous stigmatization in
Indonesia, particularly if they live in small towns or are from
very religious backgrounds."

He adds that the emergence of Acquired Immune Deficiency
Syndrome (AIDS), coupled with the erroneous assumption that it is
a disease of gay men, has made people more fearful of being
exposed as homosexual to family and friends.

Stress

Self-acknowledgement of one's homosexuality is accompanied by
intense emotional stress in a close-knit, traditionally
conservative society like Indonesia, Dr. Lukas says.

"Indonesian people are externally controlled, meaning that
they need to have affirmation and approval by their peers. Your
view of yourself is dependent on what others think about you."

At one time or another, Indonesian gay men and lesbians must
confront pressure from their families to marry. Most buckle under
and look for a marriage partner, Dr. Lukas says.

"Unless people have lived abroad, there is no understanding of
the term alternative lifestyle. Indonesian people see life as
part of a rigid cycle of birth, marriage, having children and
eventually death. They cannot comprehend how gay couples live
together."

Many men rationalize their homosexuality as `fun' which will
end with their marriage. "The problem is whether they can fully
suppress their sexual feelings for men when they are married,"
Dr. Lukas says.

"I emphasize to my patients that they can get married if they
wish but that they must consider their wife's feelings and needs
as well."

For some gay men and women, the pressure of concealing their
sexual orientation from disapproving family members and coworkers
becomes a shackle of despair.

Homosexuality was long ago removed from the American and
Indonesian psychiatric associations' list of mental disorders,
but Dr. Lukas sees many cases of people unable to bear feelings
of guilt and failure.

"Suicide is very common among gay people here," he says.
"People hate themselves because of all the negative things they
hear and read about themselves. They believe that they are
imperfect and immoral because they are gay. Eventually, they
project this hatred to others. This can eventually lead to
paranoid behavior."

Median

Most Indonesian gay men live on the median between being
completely closeted and fully open.

They are selectively open with friends and family members who
can accept them, Dr. Lukas says. They may have long-term
relationships or occasionally meet with other gays in local
discos, parks and other known hang-outs, he adds.

Gay men and lesbians often suffer from acute loneliness and
alienation. "There is this feeling that `I'm the only one in the
world'. There are few positive, openly gay role models for them
to identify with."

Like other marginialized communities, gays in Indonesia have
devised their own particular culture as a coping mechanism. A
dialect composed of Indonesian and Javanese words is used by gays
among themselves.

"This is a balance-keeping mechanism from being depressed in
the straight world," Dr. Lukas says. "Gays use the word sakit or
sick to identify other gay men. It takes the power away from the
straight world by allowing gay men to use this word as a private
joke. It lessens the hurt."

Abuse

Little research has been done on the lives of lesbians in
Indonesia. Dr. Lukas says this is due to the patriarchal, male-
focused nature of Indonesian society combined with a diffident
view of the importance of female sexuality.

He relates that families inflicted physical abuse upon some of
his patients after they discovered the women were lesbian. One
young woman was left disfigured after members of her family
stubbed out cigarettes on her face, and another had her head
shaved and was forced into an arranged marriage.

Dr. Lukas, who ascribes to the theory that homosexuality is a
biological condition, believes Indonesian gay men and lesbians
have to change the way they view themselves.

"They should change to being internally controlled, seeing
themselves as good people and rejecting the prejudice of
society."

The fear of exposure as a gay man, compounded by immense
feelings of shame, looms prominently in the life of Joko.

"People from the West cannot understand what it is like for
gay people in Indonesia," the 29-year-old private company
employee says.

"People from the East, from Asia, are not ready to accept
something like this."

Joko, who preferred to use a pseudonym, pointedly avoids
stating that he is gay. Although he has a boyfriend who he sees
almost every night, he dances around direct questions on his
sexual preference.

"I am this way and I believe I was born this way. God creates
all of us and I think something abnormal happens when he creates
people like me. We don't receive enough hormones, or something
like that."

Joko, a former volleyball player for his home province, is
quick to point out that he is not a bencong, a derogatory term
roughly equivalent to `fag' or `queer.'

For him, the noun holds connotations of weakness.

"I'm not the same as them," he says defiantly. "I don't want
to know them or mix with them or wear outrageous clothes like
they do. All they do is gossip like old women and hunt for other
men."

He sees no other option in his future but marriage. "After
this relationship ends I will have to get married. My family is
already asking me when I will get married. It is something I have
to do as my obligation to them."

Gay rights

Despite its conservative traditions, Indonesia was the site of
the founding of the first gay rights organization in Asia in
1982.

Lambda Indonesia folded several years later, but was re-
established in 1989 by Dr. Dede Oetomo, a Cornell University
graduate and professor of linguistics at Airlangga University in
Surabaya, as the Working Group of Indonesian Lesbians and Gay
Men.

This group has spawned at least 17 groups in cities across
Indonesia, with the Jakarta-based organization IPOOS having
around 400 registered members.

The organization is careful to work within the parameters of
traditional Indonesian values in getting their message of
acceptance across to the public, says IPOOS Vice President Marcel
Latuihamallo.

"We are not going to go out and hold gays rights rallies on
the streets. That would be too much for Indonesia. We must do
things gradually to show people that we are only different in
that we are gay."

The group holds monthly meetings and publishes a newsletter,
Gaya Betawi, which focuses on a diverse range of gay issues
including gay fiction and poetry, information on AIDS, and a
classified personals section.

"With IPOOS, we want to have an organization in which gay
people can feel free," Marcel says. "We hold lots of activities
for our members."

Marcel and Dr. Lukas agreed that is an uphill struggle in
presenting positive role models of gays in the media. "Reporters
want to play up the sensationalist aspects of a story on gays,
one which will sell," Marcel says.

Greater awareness that homosexuality is a human condition will
lead to increased tolerance, Dr. Lukas believes. "People are
different in many, many ways. But being different is not
tantamount to being lesser."