Homosexuals live on stressful line of conformity

By Bruce Emond

JAKARTA (JP): The closet door remains firmly closed for many Indonesian gay men and lesbians.

As homosexuals in the United States and Western Europe are freer to express their sexual preference and concerns than at any time in recent history, Indonesian gays find themselves burdened by overwhelming social pressures for conformity and pervasive stereotypes painting them as weak and abnormal.

The situation is not entirely bleak, according to psychiatrist Lukas Mangindaan, whose patients include gay men and lesbians. He says that outflow from the wave of gay pride sentiment in the West has trickled down into Indonesian society with the founding of gay rights organizations

"My personal belief is that there is a growing tolerance," Dr. Lukas says. "But gay people still face enormous stigmatization in Indonesia, particularly if they live in small towns or are from very religious backgrounds."

He adds that the emergence of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS), coupled with the erroneous assumption that it is a disease of gay men, has made people more fearful of being exposed as homosexual to family and friends.

Stress

Self-acknowledgement of one's homosexuality is accompanied by intense emotional stress in a close-knit, traditionally conservative society like Indonesia, Dr. Lukas says.

"Indonesian people are externally controlled, meaning that they need to have affirmation and approval by their peers. Your view of yourself is dependent on what others think about you."

At one time or another, Indonesian gay men and lesbians must confront pressure from their families to marry. Most buckle under and look for a marriage partner, Dr. Lukas says.

"Unless people have lived abroad, there is no understanding of the term alternative lifestyle. Indonesian people see life as part of a rigid cycle of birth, marriage, having children and eventually death. They cannot comprehend how gay couples live together."

Many men rationalize their homosexuality as `fun' which will end with their marriage. "The problem is whether they can fully suppress their sexual feelings for men when they are married," Dr. Lukas says.

"I emphasize to my patients that they can get married if they wish but that they must consider their wife's feelings and needs as well."

For some gay men and women, the pressure of concealing their sexual orientation from disapproving family members and coworkers becomes a shackle of despair.

Homosexuality was long ago removed from the American and Indonesian psychiatric associations' list of mental disorders, but Dr. Lukas sees many cases of people unable to bear feelings of guilt and failure.

"Suicide is very common among gay people here," he says. "People hate themselves because of all the negative things they hear and read about themselves. They believe that they are imperfect and immoral because they are gay. Eventually, they project this hatred to others. This can eventually lead to paranoid behavior."

Median

Most Indonesian gay men live on the median between being completely closeted and fully open.

They are selectively open with friends and family members who can accept them, Dr. Lukas says. They may have long-term relationships or occasionally meet with other gays in local discos, parks and other known hang-outs, he adds.

Gay men and lesbians often suffer from acute loneliness and alienation. "There is this feeling that `I'm the only one in the world'. There are few positive, openly gay role models for them to identify with."

Like other marginialized communities, gays in Indonesia have devised their own particular culture as a coping mechanism. A dialect composed of Indonesian and Javanese words is used by gays among themselves.

"This is a balance-keeping mechanism from being depressed in the straight world," Dr. Lukas says. "Gays use the word sakit or sick to identify other gay men. It takes the power away from the straight world by allowing gay men to use this word as a private joke. It lessens the hurt."

Abuse

Little research has been done on the lives of lesbians in Indonesia. Dr. Lukas says this is due to the patriarchal, male- focused nature of Indonesian society combined with a diffident view of the importance of female sexuality.

He relates that families inflicted physical abuse upon some of his patients after they discovered the women were lesbian. One young woman was left disfigured after members of her family stubbed out cigarettes on her face, and another had her head shaved and was forced into an arranged marriage.

Dr. Lukas, who ascribes to the theory that homosexuality is a biological condition, believes Indonesian gay men and lesbians have to change the way they view themselves.

"They should change to being internally controlled, seeing themselves as good people and rejecting the prejudice of society."

The fear of exposure as a gay man, compounded by immense feelings of shame, looms prominently in the life of Joko.

"People from the West cannot understand what it is like for gay people in Indonesia," the 29-year-old private company employee says.

"People from the East, from Asia, are not ready to accept something like this."

Joko, who preferred to use a pseudonym, pointedly avoids stating that he is gay. Although he has a boyfriend who he sees almost every night, he dances around direct questions on his sexual preference.

"I am this way and I believe I was born this way. God creates all of us and I think something abnormal happens when he creates people like me. We don't receive enough hormones, or something like that."

Joko, a former volleyball player for his home province, is quick to point out that he is not a bencong, a derogatory term roughly equivalent to `fag' or `queer.'

For him, the noun holds connotations of weakness.

"I'm not the same as them," he says defiantly. "I don't want to know them or mix with them or wear outrageous clothes like they do. All they do is gossip like old women and hunt for other men."

He sees no other option in his future but marriage. "After this relationship ends I will have to get married. My family is already asking me when I will get married. It is something I have to do as my obligation to them."

Gay rights

Despite its conservative traditions, Indonesia was the site of the founding of the first gay rights organization in Asia in 1982.

Lambda Indonesia folded several years later, but was re- established in 1989 by Dr. Dede Oetomo, a Cornell University graduate and professor of linguistics at Airlangga University in Surabaya, as the Working Group of Indonesian Lesbians and Gay Men.

This group has spawned at least 17 groups in cities across Indonesia, with the Jakarta-based organization IPOOS having around 400 registered members.

The organization is careful to work within the parameters of traditional Indonesian values in getting their message of acceptance across to the public, says IPOOS Vice President Marcel Latuihamallo.

"We are not going to go out and hold gays rights rallies on the streets. That would be too much for Indonesia. We must do things gradually to show people that we are only different in that we are gay."

The group holds monthly meetings and publishes a newsletter, Gaya Betawi, which focuses on a diverse range of gay issues including gay fiction and poetry, information on AIDS, and a classified personals section.

"With IPOOS, we want to have an organization in which gay people can feel free," Marcel says. "We hold lots of activities for our members."

Marcel and Dr. Lukas agreed that is an uphill struggle in presenting positive role models of gays in the media. "Reporters want to play up the sensationalist aspects of a story on gays, one which will sell," Marcel says.

Greater awareness that homosexuality is a human condition will lead to increased tolerance, Dr. Lukas believes. "People are different in many, many ways. But being different is not tantamount to being lesser."