Here 'prosciutto' means salami

Here 'prosciutto' means salami

JAKARTA (JP): Guess what? I went to Pondok Indah Mall for the first time ever. Me, who's been giving you the impression that all I do is jaunt around this fair capital.

But it's true, I've never ever been to the mall because I would have to travel through kilometers of Jakarta's beastly traffic, and mammoth malls leave me... well... "cold" isn't exactly the word, but its close.

I place convenience far above fads and fashion (some of my dearest friends call it laziness) so I go to malls that are located on the route I travel most; between home and work. I go to shop, not to see and be seen, so visits are strictly according to need. Anyway, one shopping mall is exactly like another -- be it in Singapore, Indianapolis, Dusseldorf, Jakarta, Jeddah or Dunedin.

Actually, had it not been for an American pal of mine, I would never have gone to PIM. You see, my pal had just arrived from the wintry climes in America's northwest and needed some wearables suitable for the tropics. He is structured along rather generous lines and everywhere we went, we couldn't find anything in his size. That's how we eventually landed in PIM.

It was on the Saturday following Lebaran and the place was busting at the seams with every specimen of human, especially harried-looking moms and dads with their entire brood in tow. Harried-looking because their staff hadn't returned from their respective villages, so there wasn't anyone at home to keep the kitchen fires burning.

I'm sure the likes of poulet frite a la Kentucky and la vera pizza di Pizzahut would have done a roaring trade, what with those products being regarded as the epitome of western cuisine by middle and upper class Jakartans. The holidays -- that's the reason why PIM seemed on the point of getting indigestion from all those people it had gorged on. I was told, though, that the place can get just as full during ordinary days, and mostly with non-shoppers.

Shopping malls have entertainment value as well, especially for ngeceng -- that's Jakarta teenage jargon for "to see and be seen". There were millions of them around the place. So the pal didn't get anywhere in the hunt for his XXX-size (Caucasian XXX, that is). What I found, though, were some English-made socks which I'd been searching for, so I stocked up on them. That was only part of my luck. The rest came when we went into Hero supermarket for some daily necessities, like milk and bread.

As I wandered passed the meat counter, I took a double take when I saw Italian salami advertised at Rp 4,000-and-a-bit per hundred gram. But that's not why "mah eyes lit up an' mah heart went bang" (thank you, Guy Mitchell).

You see, the little name-cum-price tag was stuck on a chunk of prosciutto, the kind of ham Italians make and which I could eat till kingdom come. Well, I've never come across prosciutto priced that cheap -- Rp 4,000 a slice would be more like it -- and it was real, too, because besides some words in Italian, the label also showed the red-white-green of that country's flag.

I quickly flashed the man behind the counter my most charming smile: minta salami dua ons, pak (could I have 200 grams of salami, mister). Not my fault -- is it? -- if some idiot stuck the wrong tag on the stuff. Either that, or the Hero people don't know the difference between salami and prosciutto. Shame on you, Jak! Ashamed? Of course I was. I cried the entire time I stuffed my face with prosciutto and melon. Mmmm.

-- Jak Jaunt