Heaven has a Vientiane zip code

Jason Volker, Contributor, Vientiane

"Are you asleep, dear?" whispers Kwundaa The Transvestite from Luang Prabang under my hotel door at 1:30 in the morning. Knock, knock. "Are you in bed already, darling?"

All I can think of is that scene from The Crying Game. Feardrops moisten my brow. Knock, knock, knock. "It's Kwundaa ... can I come in?"

I had made the ladyboy's acquaintance earlier this evening on the verandah of my crumbly hotel overlooking the Mekong River in central Vientiane. Strategically sneaked between idle pleasantries, Kwundaa had inquired what room I was staying in.

Clever me answered "007", but her (and I use the term loosely) blank expression told me James Bond was not so big in Laos. As I was actually staying in Room 207 I regretted my attempted humor seconds after it spilled from my mouth.

And now halfway through my first night in this mysterious new land I have a mixed-up Laotian she-male wooing at my door! They say travel opens doors to fresh horizons. I decide to keep mine firmly bolted.

If medals were awarded for the Mellowest Capital In The World, Vientiane would be swathed in gold. With the rare distinction of being governed by Buddhist Communists, this compact city boasts half-a-million cheery residents, tranquil temples, glittering monuments, museums, markets and a magnificent history that wends back some 2000 years.

But what really makes Vientiane so satisfying is its Bor Ben Yung motto (Everything will be just fine). Maybe it's the tropical sun, maybe it's the super spicy cuisine, maybe it's the cavalry of foreign aid workers cruising the streets in jeeps, but the city is beyond laidback. I'm going with the phrase "sedately lounging".

In order to quickly acclimatize to this peaceful pace of life, I begin my exploration of the city at Sok Pa Luang Forest Temple, a weary traveler's paradise offering traditional Lao rubdowns and herbal saunas for just US$2 per hour. Heaven has a Vientiane zip code.

Jasmine blossoms frame the entrance to the rustic two-story timber house where the massage magic unfolds. The piquant scent of lemongrass saturates the breeze. Face up I stare at freckled geckos defying gravity on roof beams, face down I peek through a crack in the floor to catch bantams doing brunch.

I am left in the hands of Mr. Khon who squeezes, stomps and stretches out stress according to the centuries-old lore of Lao natural medicine. Even the chiropractic crunches are a pleasure, and in the end I'm so relaxed I barely care when Khon proudly tells me he's been practicing his art for almost one whole year.

So how do you beat a one-hour massage and sauna in the leafy surrounds of Wat Sok Pa Luang? You head up the road a few kilometers to Wat Naak Health Center for a two-hour massage with Miss Naa and another all-you-can-stand meltdown in the herbal hothouse.

After a night of deep, deep sleep, I emerge from my room the next morning eager to experience Vientiane's sights. Waddling along the city's dusty main boulevard (sidewalks are a coming attraction) I'm soon craning my neck to take in the enormity of Patuxai, a towering monument to Laotian soldiers made entirely from U.S.-purchased cement earmarked for the construction of a new airport.

But wait, it gets better.

There's a sign beneath the archway that reads: "At the end of Lan Xang Ave arises a huge structure resembling the Arc de Triomphe. It is the Patuxai or Victory Gate of Vientiane, built in 1962, but never complete. From a closer distance it appears even less impressive, like a monster of concrete."

Ahh Laos, the land of no spin.

The jewel in Vientiane's crown is the nearby Pha That Luang, or Great Sacred Stupa, the nation's most venerable landmark and symbol of both the Buddhist religion and Lao sovereignty. A gilded rampart encompasses 30 minor peaks and a central 45-meter stupa that juts heavenwards in a mass of 24-carat glory. Erected in 1560 by the royal decree of King Setthathirat, this stately memorial provides a glossy glimpse into the city's colorful history.

Two millennia ago Wieng Chan ("Vientiane" is the French pronunciation) arose as a small princely fiefdom based on wet rice cultivation in the middle Mekong valley. It wasn't until 1,500 years later that the city gained prominence when King Setthathirat, heroic ruler of the Kingdom of a Million Elephants, shifted his capital from Luang Prabang to Vientiane in an effort to ward off invasion by envious neighbors.

Unfortunately this regal ploy rather flopped, and the now gentle city of Vientiane has in its war-ravaged past been conquered by the Burmese, Khmer, Vietnamese, Thais and French.

As recently as the late 19th century all of Laos (and Cambodia, for that matter) formed the eastern frontier of Siam. Then in 1893 the French moved in hoping to use the Mekong as a backdoor trade route to China.

The European colonists immediately set about redesigning Vientiane in the same vogue as their other Indochina showpieces of Saigon and Phnom Penh.

This Gallic flair for redecorating proved a boon for locals as 65 years earlier marauding Siamese troops devastated the city.

Next stop on my itinerary is Wat Si Saket, the only temple in Vientiane spared by those unsociable Siamese warriors, and monastic residence of My Favorite Laotian. Sipaserth is a shyly effervescent teenage monk with a Yahoo email account, and whose two great ambitions in life are to become a tour guide and marry a pretty Thai girl when he disrobes next year.

How can you not admire someone who feels genuinely touched that Lonely Planet would make the effort to compile a guidebook about his country?

Brandishing courteous monastery-taught English, Sipaserth volunteers to show me around his holy home. The interior of the main hall and surrounding courtyard are inset with myriad niches lodging 6840 Buddha images made of gold, silver and bronze.

Sipaserth is particularly attentive to point out the uniquely Lao "Calling For Rain" Buddha standing at attention with the fingers pointing earthwards to remind forgetful raingods.

Mid-morning the following day I'm standing in a meadow on the outskirts of Vientiane eyeballing a 10-headed demon. Over there is an oversized ogre clutching a long-haired maiden in its scaly arms, yonder a grinning monk appears in the jaws of a man-eating giant.

No, I haven't stumbled into an opium den that somehow survived Vientiane's red-light early 70s, but I am on a daytrip to the eccentric outdoor gallery of Hindu and Buddhist sculptures at Xieng Khuan Park. This intriguing mini cosmos of Eastern mythology is the result of one Lao artist's passion for really big concrete statues, and I'm guessing, roughly a decade of free time.

As we make the bumpy half-hour journey back into town, my new buddy Kunton the tuk-tuk (three-wheeled pedicab) driver tells me tales of illicit kataw matches where victors walk away 100,000 kip wealthier (about US$13, but a tidy sum in Laos). An invitation to go sleuthing if ever I heard one.

Haplessly all I uncover is a friendly workout between college mates where the only currency changing hands is chilly bottles of Pepsi. But this is still enough to wet my appetite for the acrobatic athleticism that kataw (better known as sepak takraw) delivers.

The star of this balmy afternoon's performance is an amiable youth named Puthon Thammawong who, along with his fellow single- shoed pals, is intermittently launching into full somersaults then pausing mid-flip to smash-volley the ball and earn his side a point, not to mention bragging rights.

But I have an appointment to keep. I rendezvous with backpacking trio Brian the Hawaiian, Sophie the neo-hippie from New Zealand and Deutsche Dieter on the sandy shore of the Mekong River for a bon voyage party.

In the company of carefree characters, flicking through a Far Side comic book called Cows of our Planet and slurping on coconut shakes, we bask in the twilight glow of a rose gold sunset.

I have rarely been happier. Mellow Vientiane will do that to you.

If you go

Where: Vientiane is located in central Laos on the bank of the Mekong River (the Thai province of Si Chiang Mai is a few hundred meters across the water). With a population of 500,000 and an area of 180 square kilometers, Vientiane is the center of administration, culture and commerce in Laos.

Getting there: Thai Airways International (phone 21-230 2551, email sales@thaiairways.co.id, www.thaiairways.com) has regular return flights from Jakarta to Bangkok, where connections can be made for the 70-minute flight to Vientiane. Or you can catch a comfortable overnight train from Bangkok for just US$15 one-way.

When to go: Laos is most inviting from November to February when temperatures are cooler and skies are clear. There is another window of travel-friendly weather from May to July.

Lodging: If you're on a budget try the Samsenthai Hotel, Vannasinh Guest House or Syri Guest House - all are clean, centrally located and cost about $10 a night. For a few more greenbacks the Lane Xang Hotel on Fa Ngum Rd provides comfortable air-conditioned rooms starting from $22 a night. For a splash of opulence choose the Lao Hotel Plaza on Samsenthai Rd where luxurious rooms start from $75 a night. For more accommodation options visit www.laohotelgroup.org.

Dining: Vendors and restaurants abound throughout the city where local favorites such as green papaya salad with sticky rice can be sampled for less than $1. Vientiane also has top quality European food, at rock-bottom prices. Just head to the water fountain in the heart of the city and a 360-degree swivel will offer Swiss bakeries, Italian pizzerias, French cafes and more.

Getting around: The city is so compact you can comfortably walk to most attractions. Renting bicycles or mopeds from guesthouses is another popular option. Or bargain with a tuk-tuk taxi driver to speed you to the sights (a cross-city ride costs about $2).

Currency: One Laotian kip equals Rp 1.21.

Reading: Don't leave home without your Lonely Planet Laos. For a fascinating account of 19th century Laos search for a copy of Henri Mouhot's famous Travels in Siam, Cambodia and Laos. On the web check out www.vientianetimes.com which includes a comprehensive list of Laos links.

More information: Embassy of the Laos People's Democratic Republic (Jl. Kintamani Raya C-15 No. 33, Kuningan Timur, South Jakarta 12950, phone 21-520 2673, fax 21-522 5601).