Finding a proper use for that diary
Finding a proper use for that diary
JAKARTA (JP): A dairy is a place of useful production. There
used to be some nuns up in Puncak who kept cows and you could
visit them to buy their delicious fresh cheese.
But, whatever is the use of a diary? At this time of year, my
employers in Sydney, Port Moresby and Bogor come round with New
Year presents. When opened, a package reveals a book with nothing
in it except dates -- and I don't mean the edible variety. Am I
supposed to say "thank you"? There are pages with headings like
Keuangan bulan Juni -- otherwise completely blank. Is this a hint
that there is no money to pay my salary next June?
Perhaps the boss expects me to keep a record of meetings with
our clients, or to enter details of the "duty trips" for which he
is claiming reimbursement but which never actually happened, or
even to impress my secretary with appointments with VIPs who
never turn up when invited. All very dull stuff.
Clearly, closer study is needed to find the true utility of
this oleh-oleh (gift). Aha! What's this? Istilah & Bahasa
Komputer -- that looks useful. "Bug...Bus...Buffer...Bit" But the
explanation is all in unfathomable Bahasa Indonesia. Apparently,
an old buffer sat in a bus and got bit by a bug. There is also an
explanation of "Floppy Disk" (sic) which must surely be
enlightening.
Found it! The list of public holidays, days when nothing the
boss says can induce me to be his slave. Whoopee! Now here is a
subject worthy of in-depth research and reporting.
The list in the DHL diary covers Indonesia, Australia, Papua
New Guinea, Malaysia, Brunei Darussalam, Thailand, Singapore,
Taiwan, Hong Kong, Japan, the U.S., the UK, Germany and France.
Well, you can understand a company like that wanting to know if
there is even one day in the year when everybody across the world
is at his desk, ready and able to send and receive parcels. This
day will be known as a "DHL day", celebrating the privilege of
being employed.
Here is my Inception Report on Public Holidays in 14
Countries. It will be followed by a Preliminary Report, 10
monthly Progress Reports, a Draft Final Report, a Final Draft
Report, a Final Final Report -- which is not final because it
will be followed by a Project Performance Audit Report which
shows the need for a Revised Report, by which time the data will
no longer be applicable and the process must start all over
again.
1. All 14 countries observe Jan. 1 as New Year's Day holiday.
This is the only day on which all agree no work should be done.
Christmas Day comes a close second with 12, Japan and Thailand
being abstainers from the general rejoicing over the Christmas
pudding.
2. Australia has the longest list (21), and the U.S. the
shortest (10). But, all U.S. holidays fall on weekdays, so they
are real holidays. Of the 12 days listed for Indonesia, four in
1996 are on a Saturday or Sunday, leaving only eight real
holidays. Of course, the only day of the year when no business is
done is Chinese New Year -- not an official holiday. But it
appears to coincide with Idul Fitri in 1996. Lucky for some.
3. Anyone wishing to enjoy all 21 public holidays in Australia
must have a large travel expense account, because only six are on
the same day in all states. For instance, the Queen's birthday is
celebrated on June 10 in most states, but in Perth they think she
was born on Sept. 30.
In Thailand they celebrate birthdays for both king and queen,
on different days. Now, there's true non-discrimination between
the genders.
On completing the analysis, I find that Hong Kong (14) gives
the maximum number of real public holidays, including "Liberation
Day". Will that still be celebrated after 1997? West Malaysia
also has 14 days listed, but seven are on weekends so it turns
out to be the least generous.
-- Ted Sutton