Finding a proper use for that diary

Finding a proper use for that diary

JAKARTA (JP): A dairy is a place of useful production. There used to be some nuns up in Puncak who kept cows and you could visit them to buy their delicious fresh cheese.

But, whatever is the use of a diary? At this time of year, my employers in Sydney, Port Moresby and Bogor come round with New Year presents. When opened, a package reveals a book with nothing in it except dates -- and I don't mean the edible variety. Am I supposed to say "thank you"? There are pages with headings like Keuangan bulan Juni -- otherwise completely blank. Is this a hint that there is no money to pay my salary next June?

Perhaps the boss expects me to keep a record of meetings with our clients, or to enter details of the "duty trips" for which he is claiming reimbursement but which never actually happened, or even to impress my secretary with appointments with VIPs who never turn up when invited. All very dull stuff.

Clearly, closer study is needed to find the true utility of this oleh-oleh (gift). Aha! What's this? Istilah & Bahasa Komputer -- that looks useful. "Bug...Bus...Buffer...Bit" But the explanation is all in unfathomable Bahasa Indonesia. Apparently, an old buffer sat in a bus and got bit by a bug. There is also an explanation of "Floppy Disk" (sic) which must surely be enlightening.

Found it! The list of public holidays, days when nothing the boss says can induce me to be his slave. Whoopee! Now here is a subject worthy of in-depth research and reporting.

The list in the DHL diary covers Indonesia, Australia, Papua New Guinea, Malaysia, Brunei Darussalam, Thailand, Singapore, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Japan, the U.S., the UK, Germany and France. Well, you can understand a company like that wanting to know if there is even one day in the year when everybody across the world is at his desk, ready and able to send and receive parcels. This day will be known as a "DHL day", celebrating the privilege of being employed.

Here is my Inception Report on Public Holidays in 14 Countries. It will be followed by a Preliminary Report, 10 monthly Progress Reports, a Draft Final Report, a Final Draft Report, a Final Final Report -- which is not final because it will be followed by a Project Performance Audit Report which shows the need for a Revised Report, by which time the data will no longer be applicable and the process must start all over again.

1. All 14 countries observe Jan. 1 as New Year's Day holiday. This is the only day on which all agree no work should be done. Christmas Day comes a close second with 12, Japan and Thailand being abstainers from the general rejoicing over the Christmas pudding.

2. Australia has the longest list (21), and the U.S. the shortest (10). But, all U.S. holidays fall on weekdays, so they are real holidays. Of the 12 days listed for Indonesia, four in 1996 are on a Saturday or Sunday, leaving only eight real holidays. Of course, the only day of the year when no business is done is Chinese New Year -- not an official holiday. But it appears to coincide with Idul Fitri in 1996. Lucky for some.

3. Anyone wishing to enjoy all 21 public holidays in Australia must have a large travel expense account, because only six are on the same day in all states. For instance, the Queen's birthday is celebrated on June 10 in most states, but in Perth they think she was born on Sept. 30.

In Thailand they celebrate birthdays for both king and queen, on different days. Now, there's true non-discrimination between the genders.

On completing the analysis, I find that Hong Kong (14) gives the maximum number of real public holidays, including "Liberation Day". Will that still be celebrated after 1997? West Malaysia also has 14 days listed, but seven are on weekends so it turns out to be the least generous.

-- Ted Sutton