Financial Problems That End Marriages Are Not About Salary

Having a partner with a large salary may be a dream for some people, but the size of income is apparently not a guarantee that a relationship or marriage will last.

Matchmaking agency Lunch Actually highlighted the phenomenon of checklist fatigue, a condition where someone has a list of partner criteria that is too long and specific, ranging from height, profession, position to income level, all of which become considerations in finding a partner.

CEO and Co-Founder of Lunch Actually Violet Lim said that the desire to have a financially established partner is not actually wrong. However, she said, compatibility in managing finances is more important than the nominal salary.

This is relevant in Indonesia. Based on data from the Central Statistics Agency (BPS), there were 438,168 divorce cases throughout 2025. Disputes and arguments were the biggest cause, while economic factors were in second place with 105,727 cases, or nearly a quarter of total national divorces.

“That figure occurs not only because of a lack of money,” said Violet in a written statement, quoted on Monday (31/8/2026).

“This happens because couples were not aligned in money management from the start, so they became stressed. A large income does not solve that problem. Conversation or agreement at the beginning is the solution to prevent it from happening,” she continued.

Research on long-term marriages shows that financial conflict is one of the serious problems in households. A study by Jeffrey Dew and Sonya Britt of more than 4,500 couples found that disputes over money were a strong predictor of divorce, even compared to arguments about children, in-laws, or household matters.

According to Lunch Actually, a large income is basically just a number, whereas financial compatibility relates to behaviour. Two people with high incomes can still argue constantly if they have different views on saving, spending and lifestyle.

Conversely, couples with lower incomes but similar views on finances can face fewer financial conflicts.

“The question to ask is not ‘how much is their income?’. But rather ‘what is the money used for, and does that match the way I manage money?’” said Violet.

Lunch Actually’s 2024 Annual Survey of more than 350 singles in Singapore also showed that finances remain one of the considerations in choosing a partner. As many as 57% of women did not want to be in a relationship with a man who had a lower income, while 43% were open to that possibility.

On the other hand, 93% of men admitted they did not mind being in a relationship with a woman who earned more. The survey also found that 88% of respondents had stopped using dating apps and 63% cited difficulty finding someone sincere as the main reason.

Lunch Actually also warned of the phenomenon of checklist fatigue. The term is used to describe the exhaustion that arises when someone has too many non-negotiable partner criteria.

A person, for example, may have 10 to 20 partner criteria. Such very specific standards narrow the options and the search for a partner potentially ends up becoming a long, emotionally exhausting process.

The phenomenon of fatigue in finding a partner was also seen in a OnePoll survey for Forbes Health in 2024 of 1,000 dating app users. As many as 78% of respondents admitted to experiencing dating app burnout. The figure reached 79% among Gen Z and 80% among women.

“More choices apparently do not make it easier. Instead, it becomes exhausting,” said Violet.

She said that finding a partner should not only focus on criteria such as height, job or position. Life values, how to handle conflict, responsibility and views on the future are factors that need to be considered for a long-term relationship.

Likewise in financial matters. Instead of only looking at the size of the salary, a person can pay attention to how a prospective partner manages money, savings goals, spending habits and financial responsibility towards family.

Emotional presence is also considered more important than job status. Consistency, presence and contribution of a partner are said to be more relevant to building happiness in a relationship than simply having a profile or career that looks attractive.

“There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner who works in the financial sector. But if that is what you want, you also need to understand the consequences,” said Violet.

“A good marriage consists of two people who respect each other, want the same life, and continue to choose each other no matter what. No job title can ever guarantee that,” she said.