Fear of Failing as Parents: Psychologists Say Modern Parenting Standards Are Now Too High

Rising parenting standards are causing many couples in Indonesia to hesitate about having children. Psychologists assess that the pressure to become a “perfect” parent triggers significant fear of failure and anxiety. This psychological condition is one of the factors behind decisions to delay or avoid parenthood.

Danti Wulan Manunggal, S.Psi., a psychologist at Ibunda.id, stated that modern parenting mindsets have shifted significantly compared to previous generations. She made this observation when contacted by Kompas.com on Monday (2 March 2026). According to her, the pressure to meet ideal parenting standards now feels increasingly intense.

Today, expectations regarding child-rearing have increased sharply. Children are expected to develop optimally in academic, emotional, social and mental dimensions. Danti describes this condition as a tendency towards intensive parenting. Parents feel obligated to provide the best nutrition, the best education, and full attention to their child’s development.

These changing standards mean that becoming a parent is no longer viewed as a natural phase of life, but rather as a major project demanding comprehensive preparation.

“Prospective parents feel they must guarantee the best nutrition, the best education, and their child’s mental health,” Danti explained.

These feelings frequently trigger anxiety. Worries emerge when people feel unable to meet the ideal standards they have envisioned.

This mental pressure makes the decision to have children feel heavier than it did for previous generations.

“If they feel unable to provide these ideal standards, they choose to delay or forgo having children altogether because they fear failing as good parents,” she explained.