Every Child Has Their Own Timeline
On 23 July, we commemorated National Children’s Day. Each time Children’s Day is observed, we are often invited to reflect on children’s rights, including the right to education, protection, health and affection. However, one right is frequently overlooked: the right of children to fail and to grow according to their own timeline.
In an increasingly competitive society, childhood today is becoming ever more filled with targets, comparisons and demands to be ‘perfect’ as quickly as possible. Many parents are anxious if their child cannot read fluently by the age of five, is not yet proficient in English at primary school, has not won a competition, or has not shown what is considered extraordinary talent. This anxiety indirectly gives rise to a new race, such as enrolling children in various courses, comparing their development with other children, and even unconsciously turning social media into a stage for measuring the success of their growth and development.
From an early age, many children have schedules that almost resemble those of adults. They attend school in the morning, take foreign language lessons in the afternoon, have additional study in the evening, and attend music, sports or academic tutoring at the weekend. All of this is done in the name of preparing for the future. There is certainly nothing wrong with providing the broadest possible learning opportunities. The problem arises when children no longer have room to choose, play, rest, or even simply feel bored. Yet play is not a futile activity. Through play, children learn to negotiate, resolve conflicts, manage emotions and develop creativity. Conversely, a childhood continually filled with targets risks losing its natural function as a period of exploration.
Ironically, this kind of pressure is often created and born out of love. Parents want to give the best, so they unconsciously set ever higher standards. A score of nine is then considered inadequate because it is not ten. A second-place finish is questioned as to why it was not first. When one target is achieved, the next target immediately awaits. Children ultimately learn that achievement is not something to be celebrated, but rather a condition for continuing to be considered successful. It is here that affection often begins to mix with conditions that are not always recognised.
Eliminating children’s opportunity to fail is the same as eliminating their opportunity to learn. Ironically, in the age of social media, the space to fail is becoming increasingly narrow. Children see their friends’ lives filled with photos of trophies, certificates and awards. They rarely see the tears after a defeat, the exhausting practice, or the failures that preceded success. The digital world creates the illusion that others are always successful, while only they themselves are failing.
Contemporary phenomena often show that we live in a culture that finds it increasingly difficult to accept process. Speed is often regarded as a measure of success. For example, a child who reads earlier is considered smarter. A child who speaks earlier is considered more intelligent. A child with more trophies is considered to have a brighter future. Conversely, children who develop more slowly are often labelled as ‘left behind’, ‘less capable’, or even ‘problematic’.
Yet the science of child development shows the opposite. Human development is not a uniform straight line. Every child has a different biological rhythm, environmental experience, character and potential. No single measure can be applied equally to all children. When adults impose targets that exceed a child’s readiness, what emerges is not accelerated development, but psychological pressure.
Furthermore, Howard Gardner reminds us that intelligence is not limited to academic ability. Some children excel in music, others in sport, some have interpersonal intelligence, and others have the ability to understand nature or process language. Unfortunately, our social system still too often measures children’s success through report card grades and class rankings.
As a result, many children grow up believing that they are not good enough simply because they do not excel in areas valued by their environment. They begin to link exam scores with self-worth, achievement with affection, and victory with acceptance. When they fail, they feel like a failure as a person, not merely a failure in one instance. More worryingly, this pressure often comes from the people they trust most.
Phrases such as ‘Look, your friend can already do it’, ‘Your older sibling was not like this’, or ‘How can you lose to others?’ may sound ordinary to adults. But for children, such sentences slowly build the belief that they are only worthy of respect if they can match or surpass others. A childhood that should be a space for exploration turns into a space for proving oneself. This is exacerbated in the current social media era, where the pressure is even greater.
Parents no longer compare their children only with neighbours or relatives, but with thousands of other children appearing on device screens. Videos of four-year-olds speaking several languages fluently, playing the piano, or winning international competitions easily raise questions that are actually unfair, such as ‘Why is my child not like that yet?’ We often forget that every child has a different path in life.
Education is not…