Cycle of Violence in Relationships Can Entrap Victims

Clinical psychologist Gisella Tani Pratiwi, M.Psi, Psychologist, has explained that there is a cycle of violence in relationships that continues to revolve, ensnaring victims. According to her, violent relationships can occur between a perpetrator and their victim, usually their own partner, whether in a dating relationship, marriage, or other forms of romantic attachment. “They are in a very downtrodden condition, meaning they are in what is called a cycle of violence that keeps spinning,” said Gisella when contacted by ANTARA from Jakarta on Wednesday. The psychologist, a graduate of the University of Indonesia, explained that the cycle begins with a romantic phase. In this phase, the relationship appears like a typical romantic one, although in violent relationships there are usually already signs such as overly extreme attention, certain protections, or an unusual way of getting acquainted. “So there are good times, generally people say ‘oh, this looks romantic’. But then, usually in a relationship, there are problems. And the stage when problems arise, the next stage is the emergence of violence,” added Gisella. She conveyed that after committing violence, there is a stage where the perpetrator will apologise, admit a lapse in judgement, and promise not to repeat the act, then enter the romantic phase again. This condition keeps revolving so that the victim feels there is hope, even though it is often also marked by terror or fear that it will happen again because the cycle is like that. The longer this phase revolves, she continued, the more intense the form of violence becomes, until there is no romantic period, no period of apology or awareness from the perpetrator, and so on, leaving only violence. “The reason often lies with the perpetrator, not the victim. Because the victim, characteristically, is weakened both structurally and psychologically within the relationship with the perpetrator, which keeps the victim in a circle of violence that makes them increasingly downtrodden and powerless,” she said. Gisella added that the possibility of a victim remaining in the relationship, even though it is full of violence, is because they are already in a cycle of violent relations that may have placed them in very real danger. Thus, the more the victim tries to fight back or defend themselves, the more aggressive the perpetrator is likely to become. Furthermore, financial control by the perpetrator is one of the factors that makes the victim stay. This condition makes the victim frustrated and find it difficult to end the relationship. In addition, the aspect of isolation often carried out by the perpetrator means the victim cannot have social relations or access services or the public, for example, not being allowed to meet other people, being cut off from friends and even family, so they have no one but the perpetrator. “The perpetrator may also use threats or a very manipulative relationship, as if the victim no longer has self-worth, making the victim feel guilty, which is the reason the perpetrator is allowed to commit violence. So these things are heavily used by the perpetrator so that the victim feels powerless,” said the psychologist who practises in Jakarta.