Crisis center established to help domestic violence victims

Crisis center established to help domestic violence victims

JAKARTA (JP): The establishment of a women's crisis center
might be good news for some, but bad news for the cynics. It is
good news for those who, in their confusion and pain of enduring
domestic abuse, have no one to turn to. Cynics, however, might
lament that a crisis center, after all, is established to
intensify the deep wounds caused by domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a public secret. Most people can only
afford to listen to descriptions of domestic violence incidents
with deaf ears because they are unable to mediate or bring about
change to the domestic sphere of people's lives.

Where and to whom would you refer your friend who had just
timidly, if not despairingly, told you about another blow her
partner had just landed on her face?

You could call 521-2411 to reach Rumah Ibu, a recently
established women's crisis center formally opened last National
Women's Day, which fell on Dec. 22.

"We called it Rumah Ibu with the hope that every woman should
and would be safe in her own home," Endah Nurdiana from Rumah Ibu
told The Jakarta Post.

So far, Rumah Ibu has received three clients, all victims of
domestic violence.

Myra Diarsi from Kalyanamitra, who is also active at Rumah
Ibu, told the Post that the establishment of the crisis center
was long overdue, despite the intention of women's rights
activists to eventually establish one.

"Most of us are so busy in our own organizations, which also
have limited resources, that the idea did not materialize as soon
as we would have liked it to," Myra said, adding that the idea to
establish a crisis center was tossed out when Kalyanamitra
launched the antirape and violence campaign in 1990. A new light
was shed on many people's consciences that a rape can happen
between a married couple -- it is a rights' violation.

In the meantime, women's organizations have been pitching in
to support women of domestic violence by pulling their limited
resources together.

Informally and noninstitutionally, for example, Kalyanamitra
has been acting as a women's crisis center since 1992.

"We try our best to give them support and offer a safe
temporary shelter," Myra said.

According to Myra, the idea to establish a crisis center was
once brought to the attention of officials at the Ministry of
Social Services, but it received only the patronizing comment
that "a crisis center is not part of our nation's character,"
along with a condescending laugh.

Considering the "hush-hush" aura on the discussion of domestic
violence, Rumah Ibu is trying not to be too ambitious during its
first year of operation. Dinny Jusuf, another founder of Rumah
Ibu, said during its first year, Rumah Ibu is specifically aiming
at raising the public's awareness on the topic of domestic abuse
by holding discussions to inform people about the hideous side of
domestic violence.

A one-day seminar on "Women, Violence and Sexual Harassment"
was held by the Padi dan Kapas Foundation and Kalyanamitra last
April to disseminate information on the topic to those concerned
about women's issues. Many people, some of whom are themselves
victims of domestic abuse, were hooked by the bait and have been
in close contact with the women's advocates.

The second year aims at publishing more literature on related
topics, maybe start a walk-in center for women and conduct some
training for women's rights advocates. It is not until the third
year that Rumah Ibu plans to open its own shelter for abused
women.

Rumah Ibu's founders said that cry for help, in the meantime,
would be accepted with the best intentions.

Primary goals, they said, were realistically formulated to
achieve the difficult objectives, given the current stretch of
limited resources.

So limited are their resources that, according to Dinny, Rumah
Ibu has only focused on the middle-income bracket, which is
closer to their own surroundings.

"We are not trying to intentionally exclude others from our
reach," she quickly added.

Taboo

All three agreed that it is taboo to discuss the topic of
domestic abuse in public and that it is not yet seen as a type of
human rights violation. Women, in many cases, generally accept
their husbands' or partners' inhumane treatment, thinking that it
is part of their duty and fate. Others are deceived that their
men had a fit of anger and his regret indicated his intention to
change.

"As someone starts thinking, talking about it, the silence is
broken and people will notice how pervasive incidents of domestic
abuse are. Hopefully, this awareness would eventually contribute
to proper handling of the cause and treatment," Myra said.

A starting point to tackle the pervasive and vicious cycle of
domestic abuse begins with disseminating the understanding that
men cannot batter their wives or partners whenever they want to.
"There is just no reason that justifies a man abusing a women,"
Myra said.

Uncooperative infrastructures blame the victim's attitude or
at least doubt a woman's report that she was physically abused by
her lover.

Authorities tend to tease domestic abuse victims or give them
advice on how to solve their domestic plight, telling them to
behave better.

Even in the United States, where domestic abuse is widely
acknowledged as a problem, many women still try to conceal their
ill fate from others for fear of being blamed or face remorse for
their condition.

"Doctors, therefore, are being trained to identify and handle
victims of domestic abuse and be sensitive enough to express
their doubt about their injuries," Wenny Kusuma, co-director of
the San Francisco-based Women's Institute for Leadership
Development for Human Rights, told Rumah Ibu staff in a
discussion.

The women's advocates concurred that only great courage would
motivate victims of domestic violence to admit their misfortune.
Many tend to keep their deep suffering to themselves because they
do not know who to turn to.

One of Endah's good friends finally asked for her assistance
on Christmas Eve when she was once again beaten by her spouse.
Even though she has some assistance now, Endah said, her friend
often sways back and forth between keeping her distance from and
returning to her husband for the children's sake and thinking
that he will change.

Psychologists have said the cycle of domestic abuse can not be
broken unless there is willingness, especially on the part of the
men, to go to counseling.

A woman who has decided to break the silence should be
acknowledged with respect and understanding, instead of
stereotypically condemning her for airing her family's dirty
laundry in public.

Social observers have said women earning low wages who often
contribute significantly to their families' income are often more
independent and therefore more assertive of their rights. When
they are humiliated, at least they do not have too much
social prestige to loose by sharing their stories with their
neighbors or even striking back immediately.

Rumah Ibu has a long and possibly perilous road ahead.
According to Myra, it cannot immediately function as a crisis
center for lack of resources. The ideal crisis center, she
explained, would comprise qualified staff members to handle a
phone hot line, a walk-in center and finally a shelter.

"At this point, I would say that economic dependency is one of
our biggest obstacles. We need to be economically independent
from our clients," Myra said.

Rumah Ibu would need a few skilled professional councillors
and advocates to operate the system, which is now being run only
by Myra, Endah and Dinny. Existing only in idea and terminology,
Rumah Ibu does not yet have a building in which it can coordinate
its activities. It has been using an office owned by Yasalira, a
non-profit organization which Dinny helped found, as its base of
operation. (Gedsiri Suhartono)