Crisis center established to help domestic violence victims

Crisis center established to help domestic violence victims

JAKARTA (JP): The establishment of a women's crisis center might be good news for some, but bad news for the cynics. It is good news for those who, in their confusion and pain of enduring domestic abuse, have no one to turn to. Cynics, however, might lament that a crisis center, after all, is established to intensify the deep wounds caused by domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a public secret. Most people can only afford to listen to descriptions of domestic violence incidents with deaf ears because they are unable to mediate or bring about change to the domestic sphere of people's lives.

Where and to whom would you refer your friend who had just timidly, if not despairingly, told you about another blow her partner had just landed on her face?

You could call 521-2411 to reach Rumah Ibu, a recently established women's crisis center formally opened last National Women's Day, which fell on Dec. 22.

"We called it Rumah Ibu with the hope that every woman should and would be safe in her own home," Endah Nurdiana from Rumah Ibu told The Jakarta Post.

So far, Rumah Ibu has received three clients, all victims of domestic violence.

Myra Diarsi from Kalyanamitra, who is also active at Rumah Ibu, told the Post that the establishment of the crisis center was long overdue, despite the intention of women's rights activists to eventually establish one.

"Most of us are so busy in our own organizations, which also have limited resources, that the idea did not materialize as soon as we would have liked it to," Myra said, adding that the idea to establish a crisis center was tossed out when Kalyanamitra launched the antirape and violence campaign in 1990. A new light was shed on many people's consciences that a rape can happen between a married couple -- it is a rights' violation.

In the meantime, women's organizations have been pitching in to support women of domestic violence by pulling their limited resources together.

Informally and noninstitutionally, for example, Kalyanamitra has been acting as a women's crisis center since 1992.

"We try our best to give them support and offer a safe temporary shelter," Myra said.

According to Myra, the idea to establish a crisis center was once brought to the attention of officials at the Ministry of Social Services, but it received only the patronizing comment that "a crisis center is not part of our nation's character," along with a condescending laugh.

Considering the "hush-hush" aura on the discussion of domestic violence, Rumah Ibu is trying not to be too ambitious during its first year of operation. Dinny Jusuf, another founder of Rumah Ibu, said during its first year, Rumah Ibu is specifically aiming at raising the public's awareness on the topic of domestic abuse by holding discussions to inform people about the hideous side of domestic violence.

A one-day seminar on "Women, Violence and Sexual Harassment" was held by the Padi dan Kapas Foundation and Kalyanamitra last April to disseminate information on the topic to those concerned about women's issues. Many people, some of whom are themselves victims of domestic abuse, were hooked by the bait and have been in close contact with the women's advocates.

The second year aims at publishing more literature on related topics, maybe start a walk-in center for women and conduct some training for women's rights advocates. It is not until the third year that Rumah Ibu plans to open its own shelter for abused women.

Rumah Ibu's founders said that cry for help, in the meantime, would be accepted with the best intentions.

Primary goals, they said, were realistically formulated to achieve the difficult objectives, given the current stretch of limited resources.

So limited are their resources that, according to Dinny, Rumah Ibu has only focused on the middle-income bracket, which is closer to their own surroundings.

"We are not trying to intentionally exclude others from our reach," she quickly added.

Taboo

All three agreed that it is taboo to discuss the topic of domestic abuse in public and that it is not yet seen as a type of human rights violation. Women, in many cases, generally accept their husbands' or partners' inhumane treatment, thinking that it is part of their duty and fate. Others are deceived that their men had a fit of anger and his regret indicated his intention to change.

"As someone starts thinking, talking about it, the silence is broken and people will notice how pervasive incidents of domestic abuse are. Hopefully, this awareness would eventually contribute to proper handling of the cause and treatment," Myra said.

A starting point to tackle the pervasive and vicious cycle of domestic abuse begins with disseminating the understanding that men cannot batter their wives or partners whenever they want to. "There is just no reason that justifies a man abusing a women," Myra said.

Uncooperative infrastructures blame the victim's attitude or at least doubt a woman's report that she was physically abused by her lover.

Authorities tend to tease domestic abuse victims or give them advice on how to solve their domestic plight, telling them to behave better.

Even in the United States, where domestic abuse is widely acknowledged as a problem, many women still try to conceal their ill fate from others for fear of being blamed or face remorse for their condition.

"Doctors, therefore, are being trained to identify and handle victims of domestic abuse and be sensitive enough to express their doubt about their injuries," Wenny Kusuma, co-director of the San Francisco-based Women's Institute for Leadership Development for Human Rights, told Rumah Ibu staff in a discussion.

The women's advocates concurred that only great courage would motivate victims of domestic violence to admit their misfortune. Many tend to keep their deep suffering to themselves because they do not know who to turn to.

One of Endah's good friends finally asked for her assistance on Christmas Eve when she was once again beaten by her spouse. Even though she has some assistance now, Endah said, her friend often sways back and forth between keeping her distance from and returning to her husband for the children's sake and thinking that he will change.

Psychologists have said the cycle of domestic abuse can not be broken unless there is willingness, especially on the part of the men, to go to counseling.

A woman who has decided to break the silence should be acknowledged with respect and understanding, instead of stereotypically condemning her for airing her family's dirty laundry in public.

Social observers have said women earning low wages who often contribute significantly to their families' income are often more independent and therefore more assertive of their rights. When they are humiliated, at least they do not have too much social prestige to loose by sharing their stories with their neighbors or even striking back immediately.

Rumah Ibu has a long and possibly perilous road ahead. According to Myra, it cannot immediately function as a crisis center for lack of resources. The ideal crisis center, she explained, would comprise qualified staff members to handle a phone hot line, a walk-in center and finally a shelter.

"At this point, I would say that economic dependency is one of our biggest obstacles. We need to be economically independent from our clients," Myra said.

Rumah Ibu would need a few skilled professional councillors and advocates to operate the system, which is now being run only by Myra, Endah and Dinny. Existing only in idea and terminology, Rumah Ibu does not yet have a building in which it can coordinate its activities. It has been using an office owned by Yasalira, a non-profit organization which Dinny helped found, as its base of operation. (Gedsiri Suhartono)