Bombings anniversary brings back pain
I Wayan Juniartha, The Jakarta Post, Kuta, Bali
he last step of the stairs her feeble feet betray her, sending her frail body head first to the concrete ground. A slight thumping sound was heard.
Chusnul Khotimah lay motionless on the ground, encircled by dozens of journalists, who, just a few minutes earlier, had overzealously peppered her with a barrage of questions that brought back painful memories.
"My chest felt tight," she said earlier, while trying to break away from the reporters' siege.
Even as a young doctor was trying to revive her, several photojournalists were busy capitalizing on the moment, taking continuous shots to capture the "dramatic" moment.
When Haji Agus Bambang Priyanto, chairman of the Balinese Muslim community Fardhu Kifayah who showed exceptional courage and compassion immediately after two powerful bombs ripped through Paddy's and the Sari Club restaurants at Legian, Kuta on Oct. 12, 2002, brought Chusnul to an ambulance, the journalists already had their field day.
The attacks, which killed at least 202 people and injured over 300 others, were the biggest after terrorists linked to Osama bin Laden's al-Qaeda network turned passenger planes into deadly missiles in Washington and New York on Sept. 11, 2001, killing more than 3,000 people.
For the survivors and the victims' families, like Chusnul, Sunday's commemoration could only mean one thing -- memories of a painful and devastating experience.
She was walking along a narrow alley next to the Paddy's Pub when the first explosion shattered the earth, causing an electricity pole to fall right into her face.
Burning with pain, she managed to crawl away from the pole only to be hit by a blast of heat caused by the second explosion. When the commotion ended, she lay atop rubble with shrapnel in her left foot and severe burns that later left her hands and face badly deformed.
"All I could feel was pain and a sense of helplessness," she recalled.
Australian doctors patched her wounds with tissue taken from her left thigh. The surgery improved her condition, but also left her with unbearable itchiness and sweating.
"Many people told me that I was very lucky to survive the tragedy. Yet, I sometimes crave death because what is the point of living if many people find my face, that is me, repulsive to look at," she said pointing to her face and hands.
The wounds also prevented her from doing her door-to-door sales work, robbing her of her means of livelihood and what she enjoyed doing.
"Fortunately, the Bali Hati Foundation and several individuals provided me with funds so I could start a new business back home in Sidoarjo, East Java. At least I now have a source of income to provide for my two little boys. They are the sole reason for my being alive today," she said.
Two days before the commemoration, Chusnul visited the explosion site for the first time. Overwhelmed by a mixture of pain, anger and fear she collapsed.
However, she insisted on participating in the commemoration ceremony on Sunday. Once again the experience overwhelmed her, and, when a group of journalists kept on questioning her on details of that dark night, psychological exhaustion shut down her mind, sending her body to the ground.
According to Haji Bambang, the personal pain of losing loved ones or of falling victim to the tragedy is the most difficult thing to heal.
"The tragedy has caused a lot of people to lose their jobs. But, they will regain those jobs the moment the island's economy picks up. But, how about the families who had lost their sons or daughters? Will they get their beloved ones back?," asked Haji Bambang sobbing.
One year is a relatively long period, but for traumatized victims, who have endured excruciating pain, both physical and psychological, on daily basis, or for the families, who are haunted by memories of their loved ones, it was as if the tragedy took place yesterday.